[CLOSED] ▫ 等不到天黑 不敢凋謝的花蕾… ▫

[jivitadana]

Who: Seta Souji [eatsyourscience] and Arisato Minato [jivitadana]
Where: Sixth Floor, Room 101
When: Wednesday, January 18 evening
Rating: PG at most for conversation
Summary: There's a slight problem with being alive when one's supposed to be dead
The Story:

It wasn't supposed to go this way.

Minato had considered himself fortunate. The past year at home had been the best year, his most memorable and happiest year. He had forged so many unbreakable bonds. He and his friends had accomplished something greater than anything they could have ever imagined. And in the end, he had found the answer to life's greatest question. Not a lot of people could say that. There wasn't much more he could ask for and nothing else that he wanted.

But then again, Wonderland hadn't factored into his life at all then.

But now that it had, it had opened too many new doors. Everything was supposed to come to a complete close. His journey had a distinct start and an even clearer finish, defined by those parameters and within the boundaries of the one-year span in the form of a contract. Those new doors though inevitably led to too many new questions that Minato didn't ever have to consider until now. After that one year, Minato was left with only one responsibility. It was an important responsibility, and he had no intention at all of ever thinking that it wasn't.

He had almost no choice. He did choose to give up his soul and become the Great Seal. He would do it again in a heartbeat. Choosing not to do that would eliminate everything and everyone that made his last year so precious.

The problem now though was that he was alive.

He was alive and could now look back at what he had done, analyze every detail about it, scrutinize all the factors that led up to his decision, replay it in his head. He thought it was intriguing that even though something inside of him, close to his heart, mind and, of course, deep in his soul, told him that looking back wasn't always the best idea, he had to do so now. Did he have much choice?

He was alive. It was like cheating. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

Minato hadn't left his room after the event that left him without his Evoker and had bombarded him with visions out of the past, a life lived through endless war and by the sword. There was no explanation for his absence where there should have been one. He could save the explanation by having it spoken instead. For once. He didn't need it documented on an impersonal electronic device either.

If it had to be documented, it could be scrawled on the one place that he never even dreamed could or would exist: The other sea of the soul.

But not right now.

A slow breath left him as he looked out the window, the snow on the ground, the sky going from clear blue to tinged with orange from the setting sun, his hand holding the curtain open. He had his silver earphones on, his mp3 player going through the tracks at random, but as much as he liked his music, he wasn't really listening. Instead he ended up thinking instead, thinking along the lines of his first day here, that he could actually think, see, hear, breathe, just everything to indicate that he was alive. He had his soul and parts of it restored to him too. He couldn't imagine either what it meant then when his soul needed to be elsewhere.

Being alive too meant that he could dream about it. He could dream about where he was supposed to be right now.

It really wasn't supposed to go this way.

Comments

[eatsyourscience]

Souji sat down again as well.

"You didn't choose that." But maybe, given the guilt Minato feels, he should ask: "Do you want to go back?"

[jivitadana]

"I have to."

Souji knew just as well that Minato had to go back. Souji himself had to return. They have to go home.

But he knew too that he was avoiding the question. That hurt too, hearing how he answered or didn't answer.

[eatsyourscience]

"Yeah, you do." Souji watched him, expression neutral. "But it's not the same thing."

[jivitadana]

Minato knew it wasn't. He fell silent then, half wondering if the question was a trap, but he also knew Souji wouldn't do that to him.

"I'm happy that I'm here. With you."

[eatsyourscience]

The ache in Souji's chest ebbed a bit at that.

"I know it's hard."

He knew it was, though he knew that he couldn't ever fully understand just how hard. In some ways, their situations were so different.

[jivitadana]

Minato nodded, knowing that it had to be hard. It was like he was being tested. Or just like living some false life of what he could have, what could have been.

"If I didn't end up here, I wouldn't have met you."

And now that he was here? It was as Souji had asked. Did he want to go back?

[eatsyourscience]

Souji was silent for a moment before deciding now was the right time to say this.

"You'll meet me. I promise."

He'd made this promise before. He wasn't afraid to make it again.

[jivitadana]

At that, Minato looked up at Souji, blinking again at him. Did he hear right?

Souji didn't have to do anything for him. Souji didn't even have to know about him, let alone promise him something like that, if it was what Minato was thinking.

[eatsyourscience]

"I'll find you. I won't forget."

It might be impossible, but he'd done the impossible before. For Minato, he'd do it again.

[jivitadana]

"... You don't have to."

Minato shook his head and had his hands in his pockets, his gaze falling to the floor and not looking at anything in particular. Why should Minato want this? How could he? He was of singular purpose when he did it and if this happened, what would that even mean?

[eatsyourscience]

"I do. You're important to me."

To Souji, it wasn't a question. But for Minato...

"...Do you think it makes what you did mean less?"

[jivitadana]

"It's not that."

Not exactly. He did think about what it would mean, but if he were really saved, then maybe that thing he was stopping from breaking down the door was gone? Then he wouldn't have to worry about it. And the world was in Souji's hands, and it was fine. Minato wasn't as concerned about that part, even if he was. It was what it was and it was done.

He had opened his mouth to say more, but stopped himself. It took him a moment to think about how to phrase what he wanted to express.

"... You don't have any obligation to me. You wouldn't have known if we both weren't. Don't risk anything for me."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji took in that response and then put his hands on Minato's shoulders, as though settling the weight of his feelings down around him.

"I'd risk anything for my friends. That includes you."

[jivitadana]

Minato tilted his head up at Souji. But he shouldn't have to. It was too much.

"But why?"

He hadn't done as much as Souji was promising to do for him.

[eatsyourscience]

Souji's grip on Minato's shoulders was firm, but he hoped not oppressive to him.

"You deserve the rest of your life."

Souji believed that wholeheartedly.

[jivitadana]

It wasn't. Minato knew though that he wasn't going to win this argument. He nodded and then lowered his head. But he did touch his hand to one of Souji's on his shoulder.

"Thank you."

When he was at the Door, he would just wait then. If Souji never came, then Minato would just continue his post. But if Souji did? He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he couldn't just crush Souji's either. But maybe, just maybe, he could have hope too.

"That makes me happy."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji's expression softened, if it could get softer.

"I want you to be." It didn't have to be Souji who evoked that happiness, he wanted Minato to be happy.

[jivitadana]

"I want you to be too."

Minato slowly got up and didn't want to dislodge Souji's hands. But he did wrap his arms around Souji now as best as he could.

"But why me?"

He should have asked before. He felt like he was acting like he deserved to be loved or to have all of this happen to him. That he should be so lucky. But he shouldn't have been so arrogant about it.

[eatsyourscience]

"You're Arisato Minato." Souji shifted his hands and arms to hug Minato back.

That answer was a bit of a cop out and he had to pause to gather his thoughts.

"You've done so much. Everything people asked of you and things no one did, things no one even knew needed to be done. You, of anyone, deserve to be happy. Even if it's just for now and just here."

[jivitadana]

Minato thought that he had to do all of that. He had his reasons for it. But his own happiness wasn't something he had ever really thought of, and when he did, especially now, he couldn't help but feel like being happy was just wrong. He had felt guilty over being happy.

He had to slowly break through that, like breaking through his shell or shield. Like how he was thinking that it was okay to have hope. And Souji was the one who gave him all of that.

"You make me happy." Minato hugged Souji tighter. "You should be just as happy too."

After pausing for a second or two and burying his face into Souji's chest again just to give himself time to thin, he spoke again.

"I want to be the one to make you happy... if it's okay."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji's eyes widened. He had never felt Minato's sense of guilt over being happy, but he did have a certain resignation in him about happiness. Or he had until his journey had finished.

"It's okay."

He didn't know if Minato's words meant what they sounded like, and he didn't want to assume that they did.

[jivitadana]

Minato nuzzled into Souji's chest. It was warm here. He always thought that whenever he was close to Souji.

"Really?"

He smiled and then tilted his head up to look at Souji.

"Can I start right now?"

[eatsyourscience]

Souji's arms tightened around Minato and he nodded against the side of his head. "It's okay."

He was repeating himself, but he felt at a loss for anything else to say. The moment felt oddly outside of time, even more than Wonderland usually did.

[jivitadana]

Minato hugged tighter too. When Souji was so close, he didn't want to let him go.

He had something to tell Souji though, and he had to figure out how to do that without breaking their embrace.

But they were close. Minato could rely on that, and then whispered what he wanted to say. That Souji meant so much to him. That Souji didn't have to do anything for him, but he still did, and Minato was grateful. That he wanted Souji to be happy and that he wanted to make sure that Souji was because of how much he cared for him. How much he liked him too.

[eatsyourscience]

Souji closed his eyes. Minato wanted to make him happy and he was. He felt like he might dissolve under its weight.

"Thank you."