endingpoint: (★ 266)
Alice Kruger ▶ Remi Briggs ▶ Jane ▶ Jane Weller ([personal profile] endingpoint) wrote in [community profile] entrancelogs2017-12-01 03:07 pm

we laughed at the darkness (OTA)

Who: Jane Doe, you
Where: various
When: through the month of December
Rating: PG-PG-13 possibly
Summary: Jane hasn't left her room since she got back. Very short network post included.
Note: She may seem antisocial but she's not. New CR may take her mind off of things, and close CR might get to hear the whole story.
The Story:

[ On Monday morning, there is a short, to the point text post that goes out: ]

The tattoo parlor is closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[ Once that's done, Jane has to decide if she actually wants to leave the room. She hasn't since their rooms changed back after the last event, she's just moved from living room to bedroom, alternating. She can deal with everything that happened, the bounty on her head, leaving Kurt for two years to keep him and his daughter safe. What she hasn't been able to cope with well at all has been knowing that she had a daughter eighteen years ago. Jane was a teenager, but she can't remember it. She can't remember being pregnant or giving birth. Cant remember holding her daughter or memorizing her face.

All Jane knows is that she hadn't wanted to give up her child if the intel she has is to be trusted. Which means Shepherd forced Jane - then Remi - to give up her infant. But the real problem is, can she trust anything? Can she trust a man who was a master forger, someone who worked for her mother and was in her pocket? How can she know her brother isn't manipulating her, trying to make her feel something that isn't real?

How could she forget something as intimate as her child growing inside of her?

Kurt's trying to help, he's trying to soothe, but it can feel suffocating and like it's just too much at times. She knows he means well, but there are times she has to get out of the room. He can't help her, not with this, so she does begin to leave the room periodically. She goes to the bar that's quietest, not the one run by Lucifer, and not the one Sarah works at, and nurses bourbon for hours. Some days, Jane sits on the beach for long periods of time, even with the chill in the air wearing only a hoodie and pants, arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself. She doesn't feel like sparring or sketching, so wherever she goes, she's simply, quiet. The library helps with that too, to sit and be still, not even necessarily doing anything important. She can wander there and look at interesting things, let something else occupy her mind for a while.

There is one night, late, that she goes to the roof and sits, and cries. Nothing loud, nothing gut-wrenching. Just quiet tears of grief and anger, of not knowing what to believe. Of knowing once again, her life has been violated and it's either the truth or a sick mind game her brother is playing.

Eventually, though, she always goes home to Kurt, quietly slipping into bed whether it's a normal time for sleeping or not. ]
mucked: (☂ in the morning)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-02 01:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[ a daughter. of all the things...

peggy sits a little straighter. an unanticipated child? a forgotten one? well, that's the sort of circumstance that transcends protocol and regimen. this isn't about assets or professionalism or work. not any longer.

no, this is about a person's gut-deep war between herself and the person she's trying to piece herself back together to be. it's rare that peggy breaks poise, but just now she leans forward and puts a light palm on jane's knee.

tentative, but turning firm if jane doesn't rebuff her. ]


And you can't recall. Oh, Jane. I'm terribly sorry -- it's not the sort of news that should be delivered by manila folder.
mucked: (☂ or is it coming back around?)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-02 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ and here's peggy with no tissue or handkerchief on hand. she fills her lungs -- and finds herself teetering somewhere between utterly awkward and thoroughly supportive. it's that strange space between recognizing someone else's pain and feeling incapable of saying the right things to acknowledge it.

and acknowledge it is all she wants to do. there'll be no solving it, perhaps ever. ]


Don't say how could I forget as though it was some willing action. [ stern, she nearly chides her for the vulnerability inherent in the wording. ] That memory was taken from you. Along with the others.
mucked: (☂ maybe we can make a deal)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-02 06:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Jane. [ peggy ducks low, just so she can better catch jane's eyes in the starlight. ] Do you consider yourself to be the same woman now that you were -- before you lost your memories? Because from how you tell it, I get the impression you might as well be a different person. With different goals, different hopes, a damned different heart.

[ and suddenly, the conversation grinds into a more personal gear. peggy's tone remains arch and distant, maybe, but the content is wickedly individual. she's been listening to the spaces between jane's words ever since they'd met. learning, in every conversation. ]

Whether she fought or didn't fight -- it seems to me that you are no longer her.

[ and if jane wants to argue the point? peggy waits for her to do so. she'll bear that divisiveness and confusion and anger, if she must. she can take it. ]
mucked: (☂ ain't it just like you to kiss me)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-04 06:51 pm (UTC)(link)
And with the resources of a federal agency behind you? You very likely will. [ find her. ] But not right now. Not while you're here.

[ nothing short of this unknown daughter being dragged to the mansion, too. and that's only if the girl even exists. the pragmatism in peggy and the doubt in jane both allow the fact that this child might have been a weapon, made up to hurt her. and look how it's succeeded! she can't see the tears in the other woman's eyes without feeling something tighten in her heart.

as another resident is fond of reminding peggy, there are only bad barters here. but maybe, just maybe, the time and space afforded to jane by being here might do her some good. better, she suspects, than acting rashly back home on half-baked intel. ]
mucked: (☂ and we shared your coke)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-06 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ peggy carter is convinced that she is bad at this. the part where the other person fractures and gives over to raw emotion -- even if only for a moment, even if they never meant to. she burns so much energy in resisting these kinds of attachments that when one chances her by, she barely knows how to react. it's not the first time it's happened in the last few weeks, although the tenor of these circumstances is...particularly different. there's no solving this matter by the same means.

so! she reaches for jane's hand. her fingers twine tight and rallying with the other woman's, grip biting so hard it might almost hurt. she could ask whether jane knows these things only from the paperwork left behind. she could fall back on her instinct to investigate details, but her gut suggests that isn't what jane needs right now. ]


My dear. I am so terribly sorry.

[ there's nothing that will cure what ails her. and peggy, pragmatic peggy, she can't even drum up a proper hug. her ears burn when she remembers what leo fitz said to her: my mum always said we shouldn't be shy with offering comfort to people who need it.

even so, she hesitates. ]
mucked: (☂ she's ringing in the year)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-08 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[ she understands. peggy, too, harbours something of an allergy when it comes to her own vulnerabilities. recent events have proven it twice -- thrice -- over. she boasts about not caring how others see her. and for the most part, it's true. but she does fear a faltering in someone else's respect once she's earned it.

and, by god, she won't let jane feel that way with her. ]


I'm not convinced that anyone would say listening was my strongest suit. But. Please, never hesitate. [ once, a good man assured her that people in her line of work -- in jane's, too -- require support. even, she supposes, if that support comes from other stubborn bastards. ]

Besides. I think we can forgive your husband his desire to fix it all. As I am vaguely aware, there are vows involved to that effect. [ a tight squeeze on jane's hand. ]
mucked: (☂ you and me have seen everything)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-08 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ peggy sits back. it feels alright, now, to loosen her hold on jane's hand. she leaves her fingers behind with one last grip before settling into posture in the patio-chair. however much she might have once imagined empathizing with jane's urge, she also knows it's been a damn long time she's felt something quite like it.

not since steve, really, and that's unraveled so poorly ever since she'd arrived in wonderland. ]


I imagine you are. [ tired. so very. not only with the there-and-back-again of going home and returning, but with every other piece of baggage that's come with it. gently, she starts: ] And although I don't know the man one whit, I suspect he must be worried about you.
mucked: (☂ away from the streets and signs)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-11 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
[ sometimes, fear is a thing to be listened to. heeded. not always, and not under every circumstance, but peggy can feel that fear thick on the back of her tongue like imagining a loved one is in danger. christ -- the things she'd done to protect that little vial of blood, and its 'owner' wasn't even alive anymore.

or so she thought.

peggy shakes her head. ]


I believe with all my heart that I would have made that same decision. [ to leave, sod what anyone else says to try and convince her otherwise. ] At least until you could sort things out. Jane -- did you sort it out?
mucked: (☂ your face to face)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-12 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[ family. even when it's not trying to kill you, it's complicated. by all accounts, peggy had enjoyed a rather average upbringing. a brother who loved her fiercely and whom she loved in return -- well after his death abroad in the service of the crown. michael had left an indelible mark; although he would have argued the point, peggy is convinced his influence brought her into the war effort proper.

the mark left by jane's brother, it seems, is a far more insidious kind. ]


We can't save everyone. [ no matter what the heroes like to say. ] Kin or otherwise. Harsh as it may sound, dear Jane, some fires need to burn themselves out.

[ not the nicest of comforts, peggy knows. but in her mind she's speaking the truth. ]
mucked: (☂ and then suddenly it hit me)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-12 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[ it's understandable, peggy thinks, that jane should feel so fixated upon the dreadful possibilities lurking back home. peggy fixates upon them, too, when she lets herself think too long and too hard about the knotted tangle of problems waiting for her. but another harsh truth is that there isn't much ground gained in fretting about home -- not without tangible pieces of it existing here, arriving here, complicating here.

and that's what she hopes to remind jane off with her next cautious offer. ]


-- Should he ever turn up here, do consider giving us a shout. [ peggy thinks for a moment about barnes. about the revelation of what hydra had done to him. of the danger he posed. ] No matter how certain you are now that you won't hesitate then.

[ peggy is prepared to throw her hat into that ring. ]
mucked: (☂ measured in coffee spoons)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-13 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[ roman krueger. tall, but not absurdly so. blonde, whiskered, scarred. there's no doubt that peggy will be examining the faces of anyone new she comes across in case they tick those boxes. jane is right to point out a lack of law or protocol when it comes to these things, but silently she acknowledges that regulations won't make a bit of difference if it comes down to it.

regulations, or a lack of them, won't stop her from laying roman krueger flat. or trying to. ]


If his path crosses mine then I'm convinced something can be done. [ but that's peggy. always harbouring faith in the power of a good right hook. ]
mucked: (☂ etherized upon a table)

[personal profile] mucked 2017-12-16 02:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[ -- god, there are so many ways to hide a scar. and that's without even considering the advancements available here. likely far more permanent and seamless than anything peggy knows. she frowns, yes, but that frown dissipates after a moment. ]

Of course. [ anytime. it goes well-meant but unspoken. ] But I'd feel better if you told me who these people are, the ones who might recognize him -- not that I'll go interfering but...

More information always helps.

[ and all it takes it watching someone be pleased over a reunion. ]

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