+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[beautifullies]

[ Claire doesn't seem to hear that part. She knows it, somewhere, but the child in her arms is real, the weight of her, even this slight. ]

But she's beautiful, isn't she?

[ Claire whispers it, as if she could wake the child. ]

She looks like Jamie.

[thereporter]

[ Julia doesn't want to look, but she does anyway. She's seen death already.

This is different, though. This isn't just death. This is torture. ]

She does.

[ Moving forward, she hesitates before sitting down on the bed. Her first instinct is to leave and let Claire to her grief, but she can't bring herself to do it. When she finally speaks again, her voice matches Claire's hushed tone. ]

What happened?

[beautifullies]

[ When Claire is rational; when fever isn't burning through her and Wonderland isn't manipulating her logical mind, she can answer the correct way: a placenta abruption, her baby starved for oxygen, bleeding that turned to a bacterial infection when a piece of placenta stayed behind and festered.

But now, her eyes are clouded over and yet she's bright with the fever, heat radiating off of her. ]

A punishment. For putting a future I abandoned ahead of my husband and child.

[thereporter]

I don't believe that.

[ Julia can tell she's sick, but there's nothing that can be done for it. Once the event is over, Claire will go back to the way she was... At least, physically. Julia doubts the effect this will have on her psychologically with fade with any ease. ]

Things like this happen, especially without modern medicine.

[ Perhaps it was sheer luck that the baby Julia helped deliver under the Dome survived. Perhaps it was the Dome that protected baby Alice. Either way, it hadn't done much for Norrie's mother, who died under the stress. One life lost for another to be created. It wasn't fair, but life generally isn't. ]

This wasn't your fault.

[beautifullies]

She used to move so much.

[ Claire looks briefly up at Julia, then back down at the infant in her arms. ]

Jamie loved feeling, loved talking to her. He wanted to be a father so badly and he was robbed of it. My body failed him, failed us both. But he could hold her now.

[ Maybe. If he ever makes it to her. She doesn't seem surprised that he isn't here. ]

[thereporter]

I don't know if that's such a good idea.

[ Everyone deals with grief in their own way, but rocking her dead child doesn't seem to be offering much closure to Claire. Julia isn't sure it's not just making things worse. ]

You can't blame yourself for this, Claire. It was out of your control. You and I both know sometimes you can't save the people you love no matter what you do.

[beautifullies]

[ This isn't a state Claire would ever want Julia to see her in. She's upset, fevered, the event taking a very solid hold on her that she'll hate when it's over. ]

I wanted her. So badly, Julia. And Jamie did, too. We both wanted her so much. He used to speak to her. Wouldn't sleep anywhere but with his head near my belly.

[thereporter]

[ Julia nods. In her heart, she doesn't want to encourage it, but there is nothing she can do except try to reach Claire, somehow. ]

She was loved. She'll always be loved. [ Julia reaches out, gently putting her hand on Claire's arm. ] But it's time to let her go.