+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[persevere]

[Caroline presses her lips together, shaking her head.]

You didn't do anything wrong.

[She says it plainly, firmly.]

I'm honestly not even sure what there could be about all this that you regret. I wouldn't have let him go, either.

[And the way she is now, she wouldn't have thought twice about it.]

[thevulnerability]

But I should have. This isn't who I am.

[ Maybe she's naive. Maybe, given eternal life and the challenges immortals face, she would see it differently. But that isn't who she is. She only has so long in this world, and there isn't time for her to turn her back on her own morality. ]

This isn't about Fitz. Not really.

[persevere]

You're a cop, Chloe. You would have done everything you could to keep someone like him in custody, right? So he couldn't hurt anyone?

[Maybe she wouldn't have done what Freya or Klaus might do to someone like him, but Chloe didn't do any of those things.]

There's no police department here. No justice system. You did the best you could.

[She's glad this isn't about Fitz, though.]

Even if it's not about him, he's the only monster in this room.

[thevulnerability]

Custody is different from this. This wasn't justice, Caroline. This was revenge.

[ She shakes her head. As far as she's concerned, what she did was no different than what Freya and Klaus would do. Hell, if Lucifer were here, she has no doubt he'd be telling her the same thing.

She's also pretty sure he'd be tearing Wonderland down to its foundation to get her out, though, so he's not exactly an unbiased party. ]

You really think that? After what your dad put you through?

[ Chloe doesn't see a difference. ]

[persevere]

Yes.

[Caroline doesn't entirely see a difference, either. She wasn't Fitz, that was for damn sure, but from where her Dad had been standing at the time?]

I forgave my Dad a long time ago, Chloe. What he did was terrifying, but he thought he was helping me, in his own way. He'd been taught his entire life that vampires were ruthless, vicious killers and you know what? I had killed someone. And I would kill more people. Maybe I deserved to be in that chair.

[She moves closer to her friend, her expression pleading.]

Forgiving him was easy, but I had to forgive myself, too. No one is perfect because being imperfect is what gives us our humanity. What matters is that you learn from it and you move on.

[thevulnerability]

I'm not perfect.

[ She's tried to be. Chloe has tried all she can to be the best cop, the best mother, the best friend. All it has done is exhausted her, and it's left her here. One misstep, and she's in Hell.

She's never lied about trying to be a good person. The problem is how incapable she is of forgiving herself when she isn't. ]

And I don't know what I was supposed to learn from all this.

[persevere]

That's what you're supposed to learn. You're not perfect. You shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect all the time. You shouldn't accept things in others and then not accept them in yourself.

[She's frustrated, mostly because she's been in Chloe's shoes. Chloe knows she's been there, helped her through some of it.

Caroline doesn't like to feel helpless.]

Nothing about this makes you any less you. And that's okay.

[thevulnerability]

[ As much as she hates Caroline seeing this, it's also a comfort. A cold one, but one none the less. At least Caroline understands. ]

I don't know how to accept this, though. I don't know how to accept how Wonderland has changed me.

[ She's always been good at forgiving other people. She manages to forgive Dan, even though he betrayed her and ruined their marriage. She continually turns her head away from Lucifer's shenanigans, knowing damn well that he does things she doesn't approve of. But it's worth it for his friendship, for the fact that he makes her a better cop.

He also makes her a bad one, sometimes. Maybe that's the trade-off, for accepting someone for who they are. ]

I've never been good at giving myself the benefit of a doubt.

[persevere]

Change doesn't have to be bad. Things aren't that black and white.

[Maybe Chloe isn't as 'good' as she used to be, but that didn't make her a bad person. Just like the darkness inside Caroline didn't make her a monster.]

Well, then I'll do it for you, okay?

[thevulnerability]

[ Chloe manages a nod, somehow holding back an array of tears that are threatening to spill out.

She is stuck in Hell because she is guilty, but she also wasn't expecting anyone to help her. She should have. She might not choose her friends wisely, but she does find ones that know how to love. ]

Okay. [ She moves forward, leaving the image of Fitz behind her as she pulls Caroline into a hug. ]