entrancelogs | + Guilt Runs Deep

+ Guilt Runs Deep

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

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Shaun is standing in a stairwell with two other men and two women. They all look pale and terrified, and one of the women is swearing continually under her breath.

One of the men squares his shoulder and looks at Shaun. "Boss..."
"No."

"Yes."

"There's got to be another option."

There isn’t. You know that. You have to let him. It's George's voice, though she's not really a part of this scene. the only person who seems to have heard her is Shaun.

"I can delay the lockdown. Not forever, but long enough."

Shaun shakes his head. "No. There's got to be—"

"There's not." It's the other man speaking, the one who'd been silent until now. Shaun turns toward him. "The computers in the apartment are wired into the building's security systems. They can't be controlled remotely, but they work just fine if you're tapped directly into the cable. He can do it. But only if he does it from up there."

"Do you know what you’re asking me to do? You're asking me to let him kill himself."

"I'm asking you to let me do my job." His voice is quiet. "I didn't become an Irwin because I wanted to live a long and happy life, boss. I sure as shit didn't stay with this site because I thought it was going to be a cushy job. The math's pretty simple. It’s me or it's everybody. Pick one."

The argument continues for a few more moments, but they are all clearly running out of time as sirens and flashing red lights get more and more intense. Finally, the party splits. One man heads back up the stairs and the rest proceed to a parking garage. Shaun puts on a helmet and swings his leg over a motorcycle before pausing to look into a camera. A voice comes through the speakers in the helmet. "Move it or lose it, boss. You've got ten minutes at most before the fire rains down."

"Don't you dare move into my head after you die, you fucker. I's crowded enough in here."

"Boss?"

"Open the doors."

The doors open and Shaun guns the engine of the bike, attracting the attention of a nearby pack of zombies waiting just outside the doors. He takes off, and the van carrying the others follows. About six minutes later, a massive explosion lights up the night sky. He pulls over, turning to watch. Eventually, he takes sunglasses out from a case clipped to the handlebars of the bike and puts them on so that he can keep watching.

"All right, George. Now what?"

There is no answer.

[Loop.]

Edited 2019-02-26 06:40 (UTC)

[Dipper and Mabel aren't snooping. It's worth going around and checking on people, especially people they know are kind of messed up, since they might be able to break them free. They're good at that.

Also, admittedly. he might be a little curious.

But the reality of Shaun's zombie nightmare life is still enough to stun him into silence for a minute. He reaches for Mabel's hand.]

Wow.

[His voice is quieter than usual. It's... hard to find words for that many people dying.]

[They should leave. They should definitely leave. Mabel's had to reevaluate her stance on horror since that one time in the creepy underground with Frisk and Chara, but this makes that almost pale in comparison- almost, not because of scope, but because people she loved got hurt before and it was real and in the moment. This is Shaun's and it's already happened.

Still, even though she wants to run away, she can't leave Shaun dealing with this. She reaches out, even if Shaun is way out of range of her touch.]

H-hey. Shaun?

[Shaun turns at the sound of voices he doesn't expect to hear in this scene. It should just be him and George, and even knowing that it's not real hasn't changed a thing about that. There's a pause before his memory loops--a space where he has time to watch things burn. It's probably the best time to try to have a conversation.]

Hey guys.

[He could say something about hoping they'd brought marshmallows, but he's just... not in the mood for that kind of joke right now.]

You okay?

I'm pretty sure we're more okay than you, dude.

[Dipper glances over at Mabel, then starts towards Shaun. This is horrible. It's so many degrees of horrible he has trouble even thinking about it. But Shaun's the one who it actually happened to. He can deal. At least until Shaun gets out of this.]

We need to get you out of here. [Mabel wraps her arms around herself, suddenly. She knows how this works now, but looking around she can't really figure out what to say to make it better. It's kind of a lot without a whole lot of context.]

[He gives them a brief, incredulous look before his gaze slides to the glow in the distance again.] Believe me, I've been trying. I even tried to turn the bike toward Oakland, instead of away, just to see if I could, and I can't. Nothing changes.

Cause it's not real. [They've been through this already with Stan and Mabel. Dipper spreads his hands in front of him, trying not to look at the glow.] It may have happened, but it didn't happen here. It's just... Wonderland torturing you.

Yeah, Wonderland wants you to feel bad about stuff you can't do anything about. It's stupid.

[She kicks an errant rock on the ground as if she can personally punish this memory for hurting Shaun.]

I figured it was a Wonderland thing, and it's pretty clear I can't do anything to change it. [Considering he's tried.] So how do I stop it before the loop starts again?

[Which is going to be pretty soon, given where they are in the memory.]

You gotta forgive yourself. [Dipper glances at Mabel, then back to Shaun.] You've gotta get yourself to believe you don't deserve this.

Which you don't. [Mabel nods.] You're a good person.

[He grimaces.] I don't really know if I'm a good person. [Maybe he doesn't deserve to relive this moment over and over, but it doesn't make him a good person. He smiles a little at Mabel.] But thanks. [The fact that she somehow believes he is means a lot, since she actually is a good person.]

So, what? I click my heels together three times and say "Fuck off this wasn't my fault?"

I mean, I don't know if you're a good person either, but I do know someone else deciding to sacrifice themself to save your life isn't your fault.

[He gestures towards the burning city.]

And I'm pretty sure anyone who cared about you enough to do that wouldn't want you torturing yourself like this.

[You'd think after Wonderland, Mabel would adapt to swearing and not earmuff herself every time an f-bomb is dropped, but it's still instinctive.]

Yeah, if it were me, I'd be kinda cheesed off you were wasting time feeling sorry for yourself instead of going out there and saving the world and honoring my noble sacrifice or... something.

[She's trying okay?? This is way bigger than anything she has context for. The closest she can come to is Stan's sacrifice, and she forced that back to rights. This can't be forced. Narrative causality does not bend to the whims of the people in this story.] I'm... way in over my head here. You still shouldn't feel bad.

You guys didn't know Dave. He'd probably be okay with me torturing myself at least a little.

[But he sees their point, and rationally (and he hates being rational sometimes), it' snot actually his fault that the CDC decided that killing him and his team was worth the cost of wiping out several city blocks.

He sighs.]

Not this much, though.

[And just like that, it's over. ~~we tend to our wounded we count our dead~~ The scene fades away and they're just in a hallway in the Mansion.]

[Dipper sighs with relief.] Phew. That got pretty intense. You have a pretty intense life.

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+ Guilt Runs Deep

Shaun Mason | OTA cw: death

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