+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[bloodmagics]

[He's still cradling her body when Claire speaks. With one hand, he closes Leandra's eyes, the other clutches at her dress like a child.]

I think... I think I am, Claire. My sister's dead, my mother's dead because of me. [He gives a bitter, hollow laugh.] I doomed my brother to a slow death.

[He thinks Carver has forgiven him, but it doesn't change what he did.]

[beautifullies]

[ Reaching out, Claire lets her hand move up his shoulder. He isn't alone, she's here. ]

This is Wonderland, making you relive it until there's nothing but guilt left to feel.

[bloodmagics]

[He laughs - naturally, there's nothing happy about it.]

It didn't need to go that far. [A pause.] You saw what happened? There's already nothing but guilt to feel.

[beautifullies]

I understand why it feels that way.

[ She wonders if his mother would feel the same way, but she doesn't ask. ]

My opinion on the matter certainly isn't valid. But I'm here. And I know what it is to be unable to see past the guilt, Hawke.

[ Claire's voice is soft, gentle. ]

[bloodmagics]

[He hums, quietly.]

Wonderland knows I'll never be able to let go of this. I told you it once brought me back just moments after she passed away, didn't I?

[beautifullies]

You did.

[ Claire's quiet, then just lets out a breath. ]

Wonderland gave me a room of my own. It's only because of Jamie that I was...able to get out. But it was difficult, so I want you to know that I'll stay with you. No matter what.

[bloodmagics]

[He's quiet when she says that, eyes turned downwards.]

You don't have to do that.

[beautifullies]

I know.

[ Reaching out, a hand presses to the middle of his back. ]

But I am, and you may not feel guilty about it because it's my choice.

[bloodmagics]

[Hawke snorts.]

If I felt guilty about everything my friends did, I'd never get out of bed.

[beautifullies]

[ There's a hint of a smile on her lips, but just barely. ]

Tell me about her?

[ It's a gentle request, one he can certainly shoot down. ]

[bloodmagics]

[He's quiet for a little while; both deciding if he wants to talk and what he'd say if he does.]

I don't think she ever particularly wanted to be a mother. [... He's sure Claire isn't expecting him to say that.] But she tried her best.

[He lets out a shuddering breath.]

Before my father died, she was wonderful.

[beautifullies]

[ All that matters is that the woman tried. Claire doesn't judge her for it or form any other sort of opinion based on that, solely. ]

I'm sure she loved you very much, Hawke.

[bloodmagics]

... She did. She just...

[He sighs.]

She just expected too much from me. More than any mother should.