+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[teamfun]

He'd much rather carry that weight with him than go back to that again. He led them to this place- to this life- but he still wasn't a nice person. Hell, Past Louis would have tossed anyone in harms way to be safe himself- he's sure of that. But tragedy eclipsed selfishness and he learned to be better. He guesses he can be glad for that, at least. That he learned. Grew.

He returns the hug, resting his chin on his shoulder, eyes closed, breathing her in. Clementine might be a terrifying force to some- hell, he's well aware she's got some unflinching horror in her past - but she's always been a sense of comfort to him. Scary at times, yes, but comfort all the same. A rock. He knows he'd be lost without her.

"...Thanks, Clem. I'm-" he winces at the sound of his mother, tries to push it back. "I'm really glad you're here."

[waitin]

Clementine prefers to be a terrifying force to most people especially in the world that they're from. It keeps her alive, keeps AJ alive, but she would never want Louis to see her that way. She would want him to be able to find comfort in her.

"There's nowhere else I'd be, Louid," she whispers against him, but it's true. She can see him wince, and so she thinks through her head until she finds memories to share with him. "I once had a hamster, y'know? I mean before all the walkers and shit."

Yep, she's gonna try to distract him.

[teamfun]

He smiles, he can see what she's doing, but he'll damn well take it. Anything is better than focusing on his mess. On having his guilt dragged to the surface every few minutes.

"You did? You know, you never struck me as a hamster sort, but I guess when the world was...not full of walkers things were a little different, huh?" he considers. "What was it called? The Hamster?"

[waitin]

Clementine keeps her voice quiet but constant-- as constant as she can to try to fill up the space in the aftermath so he doesn't have to hear this anymore. Or so he doesn't have to only hear that anymore.

"The Hamster was called Ms. Fluffykins. ...I was six so creativity wasn't really a thing," she says with a tiny smirk at the memory. "She was fluffy, and she was a girl, so that's all I needed to know to make that creative name."

[teamfun]

Louis listens, trying his best to drown out everything else happening around him. To focus on her voice. To focus on her.

"I don't know. I think that's a pretty creative name. I do like she was a Ms, too. Sounds like a no-nonsense lady hamster trying to live her life in a guy hamster world. She could have a snappy theme song and everything."

It's not got the snappiness of his usual jokes, but he's trying.

[waitin]

Honestly, Clementine doesn't expect him to joke at all given the situation and his exhaustion, and so she smiles a tiny bit when he still tries despite the rest. It even manages to make her laugh in a quiet, soft kind of way.

"You have my permission to make that theme song later on at some point."

There's a slight pause especially with the two of them in the midst of this horrible memory that makes him feel so bad about himself, and she wants- She wants something else to be clear.

"You matter so much to me, y'know?"

[teamfun]

"I will absolutely make a theme song. You can bet on it."

It's easier, to joke than deal with all of this. Violet was right- Louis is very good at burying his head in the sand. It's not out of neglect, but putting a happy sheen on everything is his survival strategy. It's got him this far, stands to reason it might get him further.

When Clem has to say is enough to give him pause. He's used to telling other people they mean the world to him. He does it unabashedly, every day if he feels the need to. People tend not to afford him the same, though. He doesn't need to hear it (he knows, of course, he knows) but it's nice to hear it. He smiles, small, tired, but there.

"I know," a reassurance because he understands Clem doesn't always feel her emotions come across as strong as she'd like. "You matter everything to me, too."

[waitin]

Clemetine smiles against him even as she slides a hand behind her neck, closing her eyes there as she hugs him very tightly. She nods against his shoulder, because she knows. Louis makes it very clear that she matters so much to him and that means the world to her.

And she just wants more than anything to protect that, protect him. Everyone she has ever loved has died, usually died because of her.

She wants him to stay safe, to stay in her life. No matter what.

She wants a lot of impossible things, but right now she just wants him to feel even a little bit as worthy and as meaningful as he is. Especially in the face of a memory like this one.

So she'll stay like that with him through the rest of the Event, reminding him whenever she can. That he matters, that this moment alone does not define him.