+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[poppycock]

( her eyes, gentle and clouded with fever, are like two full, amber orbs in the silvery shadows. the grief in them strikes true; he doesn't feel he should confirm her suppositions, however true they are. they are painfully, excruciatingly true; she knows this.

tears hanging in his eyes, his gaze slowly falls again to the babe. even slower, he reaches out, his palm nearly touching the soft, cold slope of the child's forehead. instead, he mimes the shape with his cupped hand. ) In my experience, death is never merciful. If there is a God, he is rarely so either.

[beautifullies]

[ Claire looks up at Klaus then, in all of her fevered beauty, and offers him something, notices his gesture, knowing he's a parent. ]

Would you like to hold her?

[ A simple question with complicated feelings behind any answer. She'll be glad for getting swept away so quickly back home once this ends, so that time can pass before she apologizes to all those who had to see her this way. ]

[poppycock]

( he doesn't consider his answer: that child is not his to hold. this is not his grief to carry. he cannot carry it for her. his hand circles faith's head as his eyes lift to claire's; instead of reaching for the infant his hand falls on claire's hand. his fingers fold into her palm and clasps. ) There was faith in the love you gave her. That is more than many children have. ( all he can give her is this. ) I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[beautifullies]

[ Claire's eyes cloud over with tears, and they fall freely as she holds onto him. ]

It was my fault. My punishment for putting a future I gave up ahead of my child and husband. Or for deciding to stay in the past.

[ She isn't sure which. Is she paying for the sin of adultery or for the sin of causing Jamie so much pain that it nearly broke them? ]

[poppycock]

( he hears her. he does, and his own eyes fill with unshed tears hearing the raw agony in her voice, the surety as she grasps for a reason, for some explanation. he too knows what it is like to have his choices haunt him. for them to plague his child. to threaten her.

his choices and what can only be the punishment for his wretchedness.

he does not want it to be true for him. more so, he cannot countenance it is true for her. )

The world does not work in such absolutes. There is no cost nor balance. You did not kill your child. She simply died.

[beautifullies]

[ When Louise comes to collect the baby, Claire looks at Klaus. She hates this, or will hate it, later. This is too vulnerable, but at the very least, he's someone she trusts. As soon as the child is out of her arms she feels bereft and tears fill her eyes, but she doesn't fall over and sob. The tears come, but not as before. ]

It's cruel, you know? To give me a child only to take her away. I felt her growing and moving and dreamed for her future.

[ And now she's simply died. Exactly what he said. ]

[poppycock]

( he does not judge her those tears. on the contrary. he understands their necessity. he feels a piece of their agony: grief is universal. his hand adjusts, refits into hers. when he speaks, he does so slowly. starting and stopping when his own force of emotion becomes too much. ) You can imagine. Being what I am, who I am. My daughter's life was always forfeit. Under threat. ( his own mother. his father. both crawled from their graves to kill her. the wolves. the witches. the quarter teeming with those who would harm her.

klaus does not speak of this time. he never has, that indeterminate period of time, when he woke after his daughter's birth. his neck twisted, hayley's throat slit. he does not remember how long he sat, the mother of his child in his arms, thinking, knowing, feeling they were both lost. he does now.

he knows claire will understand. he knows it will help. ) There was a... a period of time when I thought both her mother, and her, were gone. There is nothing more cruel than absence. ( it's what he's feared his whole life. ) But just as I got them back, you have your husband. You had a daughter. ( not this one. not faith. but someone, just as wanted, just as loved. )

[beautifullies]

[ Claire looks at Klaus; she didn't know any of that, this new information. Swallowing heavily, she nods and closes her eyes. She got them back. She has Jamie and Brianna; even if not here someday then at home. And her and Jamie both will always carry Faith in their hearts.

For a moment she's able to push aside everything and speak to him in a voice that actually sounds clear. ]

They survived. You survived. You...you have them now?

[ Concern for him cuts through the fog of the event, through the fever she had twenty-plus years ago. ]

[poppycock]

( he sees the gratitude in her movements, how she clings to the mention of her husband and her daughter. he hears too the clarity in her voice, and though he is uncertain if it will last, he holds it just as dear.

what she needs is hope. faith, however ironically, of a different kind.

he does not mention how he lost hope again, how he missed five years of her life. how he is fighting, still, now, to keep her alive and by his side.

but he tells her the truth. ) I do. And I never intend to lose them again.

[beautifullies]

I don't want to lose her again, Klaus.

[ She knows the event will end eventually. Then, she'll never see Faith again. ]

But I have Brianna. And Fergus.

[ Two children, she's lucky. ]

Bree would have been such a good big sister.

[ As Louise comes to take the baby Claire feels bereft and looks to Klaus, perhaps unfairly expecting him to keep her rational. ]