entrancelogs | No-one comes out of this sane

Who: Sam Yao and YOU
Where: All over the mansion and grounds.
When: 19th-24th
Rating: PG-13. I think. Will change if needed.
Summary: Sam isn't suffering, but he's trying to help those who have. Certain revelations might make that difficult. (Huge spoilers for S2 M39 of Zombies, Run! onwards to the end of S3)
The Story:

19th-21st

[It's easy to tell that something has gone horribly wrong. The screaming, the people staggering around, angry or staring or arguing with people who aren't there, they're kind of a giveaway. And he's not sure exactly what's going on, what the problem is.

He feels useless. There's nothing he can do to help with this, except hopefully stop anyone getting hurt, and even then, he can't protect them all the time. He does what he can, helps Maxine at the clinic, tries to stop anyone hurting themselves or other people.

When Simon comes to him, paranoid and scared, of course Sam helps him. What else can he do for one of his Runners?]

22nd

[Anger, betrayal, they make him reckless, send him stomping and spitting away from his room, away from everyone he knows.

How can that end well?]

23rd

[When Sam revives, dizzy and sick and with one less life, he's in his bedroom, although he knows he didn't die there. Doesn't remember how he got back there. He can see, even though he remembers his eyes burning.

And then he sees Alice, blood oozing from a bite and demanding to know why he didn't save her. Alice and Ellis and Chris. Archie. His parents. He'd killed them all. he couldn't save anyone.]

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[Sam whimpers but lets himself look up at Maxine. His face is red and blotchy and streaked with tears.]

I killed them Maxine. I- I got them killed. I'm just as bad as he is.

They weren't your runners because they thought you could make them invincible, Sam. [She addresses him firmly, hands on his cheeks, keeping him right where he is.] They were your runners because they knew you would do your best. And you did. None of us can keep everyone alive. Not you, not me, not even Janine.

But my best isn't good enough! [He sounds distraught, and from the corner of his eyes he sees a glowering Five.] I got Archie killed. People died because I wasn't good enough. I know what some of them say about me.

If you killed Archie, then so did Five. So did Jaime. So did Paula. We can blame the person who actually did it, or we can blame everyone else who tried to keep that from happening.

Maybe we're not worth saving.

[Everyone died in the end. He couldn't save them. What was the point? He'd said it once, maybe the ones who were dead were the lucky ones.]

[It hurts, hearing that, like he'd struck her again just by uttering the thoughts. But it's not her first time facing down that thought, and she shakes her head, never averting her eyes from him.]

That's your choice to make, Sam. But I'm not giving up on anyone. And I'm not giving up on you.

I'm just a kid. I can't help anyone. You shouldn't get dragged down by me.

Sam. [Even if she can't hold his gaze very well, she can keep his attention in other ways, and does her best to do just that, rubbing between his shoulderblades slow and steady.] Do you remember when I first came to Abel?

[He looks up at her, his face blotchy and sad.]

Yeah. With Sergeant Ellis.

No-one comes out of this sane

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