[CLOSED] Well I’ll never be a stranger, and I’ll never be alone;

[vampdetective]

Who: Angel & Cordelia Chase
Where: Cordy’s Room
When: February 14th, morning.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even without Angelus getting in the way, Angel has a lot to make up for.
The Story:

[Angel knows full well that he has a lot more to apologize for than Angelus-- in fact, where Cordelia's concerned, Angelus is the least of his worries. She understands better than anyone, knows that Angelus' actions are not his own and has always been the first person to say so when it's been called into question. What he has to apologize for is worse. It's personal-- and while he'd managed to make things right with her back home, years ago now, he doesn't have that kind of time here.

He can't just wait for the situation to clear itself up, and he definitely can't sit on his hands and hope that she goes home and catches up to him before coming back. It doesn't work that way-- and he wants her here more than anything.

Other people will do whatever it takes to go home, but this is the only chance he and Cordelia have. Even if she doesn't remember, even if they're no longer on the same page, her friendship is more important to him now than ever before. She's his family, first and foremost, and he can't let things stay strained between them.

He lets out a needless exhale of breath as he stands outside her door, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet with an armful of flowers, a teddy bear wearing a little black trenchcoat and holding a heart-shaped box of chocolates with the words I'M SORRY written across the front of it in fancy, embossed script tucked under the opposite arm. Grimacing, he raises one hand to knock sharply.

Please be here.]

Comments

[misstactless]

[ He's right about one thing, Angelus was only the problem of the moment. Cordelia has been mad at Angel since she arrived and it only escalated when she'd originally thought he was careless enough to put himself in the position to let Angelus out. Even though it had been frustrating as hell, she'd made it her point to put him back together. Jerk or note, that's her job, both to him and for the good of everyone else. When she learned what actually happened, it made it all much easier to forgive.

At least, you know, the parts she wouldn't actually blame him for. The whole Darla, kicking out the rest of the team and shutting off all his friends? Yeah. That part she still blames him for.

The fact that it's Valentine's Day doesn't escape her, either. It's hasn't been the first February the 14th that she's spent by herself and, given her going record, it probably won't be the last. It's been a while since she actually had any girl friends around, too, especially ones that were human. She considers calling Charlie up and seeing if she wants to eat a crap ton of ice cream and watch bad movies together before remembering that the other woman has a boy she's been getting to know more intimately. Right.

Well, she can always see if Brittany is up for closet shopping and stuffing her face with chocolate and fried things. When you were single? That's pretty much what you're regulated to. Her figure could go for one day of pure, unadulterated crap in her system, right? Right.

So she's not expecting to hear a knock at the door. Looking up from where she's lounging on the bed, Cordelia frowns slightly before hopping off the mattress. ]

Hold on-- [ She shuffles across the floor, looking anything but ready to indulge in the holiday. When she opens the door, she looks very much like she's spent most of the morning in bed, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. Definitely not prepared to be surprised.

And surprised she is. There's a slight jump as she gasps, looking up at Angel--their last conversation hadn't been the most friendly--before getting distracted by the overly large and totally deserving bouquet. ]

Angel? [ Cordelia sounds just as taken back as she looks, but her features smooth out slightly at the sight of the bear--did he just Build-A-Bear himself? ] What's all of this?

[ It's really a needless question, she knows exactly what it is. ]

[vampdetective]

[The closets had admittedly helped some with the bear -- he wasn't sure if it was too much or too hokey, but chances were she would be reminded of exactly what the apology was for if she looked at the bear and it was dressed like him, right? Possibly. Provided she didn't tear the thing to shreds or toss it in the garbage on principle.

He clears his throat, dropping his chin as he nervously fixes his gaze on his shoes for half a moment before looking back to her. For someone whose usual gig is saving the lives of strangers on a nightly basis, nerves still hit him hard-- sometimes even worse with people he did know rather than those he didn't.

It was Cordelia. He has every reason to be nervous, considering how angry she is, but he'd made it up to her once before. He could do it again, but it would take time, effort and patience.

She was worth all of those things.]

I, uh-- [He huffs a sigh, giving her a genuine but apologetic smile.] Happy Valentine's Day. I know I have a lot to make up for-- but the idea of letting the day go by without letting you know how important you are didn't sit right. I know you're mad. You've got every right to be-- but I'll do whatever I can to make things right. You deserve that.

[misstactless]

[ She watches him shift awkwardly, look anywhere but her, trying to find his words. She knows those mannerisms well enough, even with the distance he'd previously put between them. It still bothered her, and rightfully so, from the person who'd helped her put her life back together, he'd done a fantastic job of trying to turn it upside down.

But there he is, and you know what? It's for her. Not for Darla, not because of Angelus, it's for her. And it's about time.

For her part, she let's him speak. Is it bad that it's what she wants to hear? It's what she deserves to hear, that's for sure. Her gaze flickers from his face, to the bouquet, and then finally settles on the bear. ]

Hm.

[ She gives a thoughtful hum. Maybe a part of her likes the idea of him having to stand there and wait and see if she's willing to give his apology a chance.

No, she definitely likes that. ]

No offense? He makes a better puppet.

[ Reaching out, she takes the Angel!bear from him and lets out an amused laugh. When she looks back up at him, her eyes narrow as she raises a brow. ]

It's a start.

[ Cordelia steps aside, looking at him expectantly for a moment. ]

Oh, right--I invite you in as long as you continue to behave. Don't think for a second that I didn't keep everything leftover from your latest Angelus episode.

[vampdetective]

[The laugh is progress, and he gives her a careful smile in reply, hesitant to let it bloom beyond that. Things aren't fixed yet, but she's talking to him, she's inviting him in, and that's all he can ask for at the moment.]

Can't argue that. Forehead's a little less-- pronounced.

[Point to the Angel!bear on that one.

He nods, sinking his hands into his pockets as he steps over the threshold.]

Good. You should hold onto them. You never know when you might need them.

[Of all people, he trusts her to take him out when he's gone bad. They came to that understanding a long, long time ago.]

... thank you. For hearing me out. And the invitation.

[misstactless]

Mmm.

[ She gives a thoughtful hum as she looks down at Angel's miniature bear. Really, can't argue with that. ]

A little less caveman?

[ She raises a brow before closing the door behind him. Walking over to her bed, Cordelia sets the bear down on her nightstand, but makes a point of pulling out a stake from underneath her pillow. She wiggles it between two fingers and then places it back down, but this time on top of the pillow. ]

Trust me, I don't need you to remind me.

[ Or maybe she does, because he's the reason for it. ]

That's not all you should be thanking me for. [ There's an expectant look on her face as she crosses her arms. ]

[vampdetective]

Just a little bit.

[He can't argue with the stake, and he manages to withhold a sigh as she makes sure it catches his attention, giving her a grim smile in reply. She's being smart. He's glad to see that, however she might feel about him right now. She's always been smart.]

I know. If you weren't here-- well. I wouldn't be here.

[Angelus would still be running amok, keeping himself at the surface and doing his best to make sure Angel was a thing of the past.]

Thank you. I know the deal we've always had was that if I went evil, you'd kill me-- but I'm glad you broke it this time and found a way to bring me back.

[misstactless]

[ That's a part that's a little more difficult for Cordelia to reconcile. She had been prepared to dust him if she had to, hadn't she? Especially with what a jerk he'd been being before? Hell, it might have even almost felt good to give him a piece of her mind before sending him off to...vampire hell? Heaven? The twilight zone? She isn't quite sure how it works, but it's likely not good. Maybe nothingness is even scarier.

But the point of the matter is that Cordelia took a risk, a big risk and bided her time getting together the right team and supplies to put Angel's soul back where it belonged. A risk of other people, no doubt.

That's what makes it the most difficult. ]

You're right, I did. [ She crosses her arms. ] And I was selfish.

[ Strange moments of clarity by Cordelia Chase, news at 11. ]

[vampdetective]

[He gives her the faintest flicker of a smile before he drops his head, some combination of shyness and shame making it difficult to look her in the eye. He's grateful, beyond grateful for what she's done-- but somehow it feels wrong to say that he's glad she was selfish. It makes him feel reckless, like he doesn't care about the innocent bystanders it could have hurt, and yet he is.

He's glad she didn't listen to him.]

I don't think I have it in me to hold selfishness against you this time.

[It had worked out in his favor.]

I'd like to think that it means you can forgive me. Someday-- when you're ready.

[misstactless]

[ Cordelia gives a grated sigh at his response--maybe a little predictable on both of their parts, but she had believed in her own initial resolve more than that. Hell, she'd been ready to throw him to the wolves for spiting her and Gunn and Wesley even before she realized exactly what had happened. Why did she go back on her promise? Isn't that exactly why she made it? ]

Don't you see that's the problem? [ She uncrosses her arms and waves them dramatically between herself and Angel for a second. ] The whole point of everything we're doing--have done is to make the world a little less doom and gloom for everyone else, and I totally just let Angelus around being his sadistic self. I may not be the person who let him out, but I could've saved people from a lot of pain if I'd just staked him when I had the chance.

[ And she had the stake, too, as she'd demonstrated a moment before. ]

But do you know what the worst part is?

[ It's rhetorical, since she doesn't give him much time to answer. Cordelia drops her hands. ]

I don't regret it. Sure, I feel bad that bad things happened, who wouldn't? But I don't regret giving it the chance. And that scares me, Angel.

[vampdetective]

[Any trace of a smile vanishes, gratitude momentarily forgotten, because he does see. He'd had half a mind to scold her about it himself, but he hadn't been able to, and that was his failing, his own display of weakness. No matter how many times he asked his friends to do the unthinkable should he lose himself, no matter how many times he swore he'd rather be dead than be Angelus--

He was glad to still be here. He can't find it in himself to be angry, even though he should.]

... doing what needs to be done is a lot harder than either one of us gave it credit for.

[This whole situation had been proof enough of that, even with her as angry with him as she'd been.]

It hasn't been just us for a long time. There's always been other people in line to do what they have to, someone who could rally everyone to follow through with what I made you all promise me. I trust you more than anyone to get the job done, Cordelia. I know you wouldn't have let that go on forever.

[misstactless]

[ It may be small in the grand scheme of things, but maybe she needed to hear that. Does Cordelia trust herself to do what she has to do at the end of the day? She's not so sure anymore, not with the chance she'd been willing to take in getting Angel back to himself.

But would she have offed him if it hadn't worked? She'd told herself that.

He believed she would. He still does. It's a relief, one that's visible as her posture relaxes a little for a moment. ]

Well, I sure hope you're right about that. I mean I know people can somehow come back from the dead here, but that doesn't make it any better. Just...let's try not to do that again if we can help it.

[ A beat. ]

But to be fair, it would've been really satisfying for a minute there.

[vampdetective]

You're right. It doesn't make it any better.

[He's heard people treat death dismissively here, both those who have caused it and those who have merely been bystanders. They were fewer and further between now, because people seemed to have grasped the truth of it, that even a temporary death was still a violation, still potentially the worst thing one human being could do to another. That it still left its mark, even if the victim began breathing again a handful of days later.

He exhales, and as grim as the topic is, it's hard not to let just the tiniest bit of a smile pull at one side of his mouth.]

Yeah. I bet it would have been.

[He has no illusions about just how cathartic driving a stake through Angelus' heart would be for some.]

Right now-- I'm just glad you're okay.

[Sooner or later, Angelus would have done his worst to her if he could. Probably sooner.]

[misstactless]

[ No thanks to you is what builds up in her throat, but Cordelia bites back down on it. She's upset, sure, but she's made her point more than once and then once more just because she wanted to. He gets it and really, no one does guilt and brooding like Angel.

Yeah, he'll probably stay more upset at himself than she will in the long run. ]

Duh. I'm Cordelia Chase. What did you expect?

[ So she might as well talk herself up a bit. ]

And as much as I liked you playing the damsel in your own body, let's not make a habit of it.