[CLOSED] Well I’ll never be a stranger, and I’ll never be alone;

[vampdetective]

Who: Angel & Cordelia Chase
Where: Cordy’s Room
When: February 14th, morning.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even without Angelus getting in the way, Angel has a lot to make up for.
The Story:

[Angel knows full well that he has a lot more to apologize for than Angelus-- in fact, where Cordelia's concerned, Angelus is the least of his worries. She understands better than anyone, knows that Angelus' actions are not his own and has always been the first person to say so when it's been called into question. What he has to apologize for is worse. It's personal-- and while he'd managed to make things right with her back home, years ago now, he doesn't have that kind of time here.

He can't just wait for the situation to clear itself up, and he definitely can't sit on his hands and hope that she goes home and catches up to him before coming back. It doesn't work that way-- and he wants her here more than anything.

Other people will do whatever it takes to go home, but this is the only chance he and Cordelia have. Even if she doesn't remember, even if they're no longer on the same page, her friendship is more important to him now than ever before. She's his family, first and foremost, and he can't let things stay strained between them.

He lets out a needless exhale of breath as he stands outside her door, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet with an armful of flowers, a teddy bear wearing a little black trenchcoat and holding a heart-shaped box of chocolates with the words I'M SORRY written across the front of it in fancy, embossed script tucked under the opposite arm. Grimacing, he raises one hand to knock sharply.

Please be here.]

Comments

[misstactless]

[ Cordelia gives a grated sigh at his response--maybe a little predictable on both of their parts, but she had believed in her own initial resolve more than that. Hell, she'd been ready to throw him to the wolves for spiting her and Gunn and Wesley even before she realized exactly what had happened. Why did she go back on her promise? Isn't that exactly why she made it? ]

Don't you see that's the problem? [ She uncrosses her arms and waves them dramatically between herself and Angel for a second. ] The whole point of everything we're doing--have done is to make the world a little less doom and gloom for everyone else, and I totally just let Angelus around being his sadistic self. I may not be the person who let him out, but I could've saved people from a lot of pain if I'd just staked him when I had the chance.

[ And she had the stake, too, as she'd demonstrated a moment before. ]

But do you know what the worst part is?

[ It's rhetorical, since she doesn't give him much time to answer. Cordelia drops her hands. ]

I don't regret it. Sure, I feel bad that bad things happened, who wouldn't? But I don't regret giving it the chance. And that scares me, Angel.

[vampdetective]

[Any trace of a smile vanishes, gratitude momentarily forgotten, because he does see. He'd had half a mind to scold her about it himself, but he hadn't been able to, and that was his failing, his own display of weakness. No matter how many times he asked his friends to do the unthinkable should he lose himself, no matter how many times he swore he'd rather be dead than be Angelus--

He was glad to still be here. He can't find it in himself to be angry, even though he should.]

... doing what needs to be done is a lot harder than either one of us gave it credit for.

[This whole situation had been proof enough of that, even with her as angry with him as she'd been.]

It hasn't been just us for a long time. There's always been other people in line to do what they have to, someone who could rally everyone to follow through with what I made you all promise me. I trust you more than anyone to get the job done, Cordelia. I know you wouldn't have let that go on forever.

[misstactless]

[ It may be small in the grand scheme of things, but maybe she needed to hear that. Does Cordelia trust herself to do what she has to do at the end of the day? She's not so sure anymore, not with the chance she'd been willing to take in getting Angel back to himself.

But would she have offed him if it hadn't worked? She'd told herself that.

He believed she would. He still does. It's a relief, one that's visible as her posture relaxes a little for a moment. ]

Well, I sure hope you're right about that. I mean I know people can somehow come back from the dead here, but that doesn't make it any better. Just...let's try not to do that again if we can help it.

[ A beat. ]

But to be fair, it would've been really satisfying for a minute there.

[vampdetective]

You're right. It doesn't make it any better.

[He's heard people treat death dismissively here, both those who have caused it and those who have merely been bystanders. They were fewer and further between now, because people seemed to have grasped the truth of it, that even a temporary death was still a violation, still potentially the worst thing one human being could do to another. That it still left its mark, even if the victim began breathing again a handful of days later.

He exhales, and as grim as the topic is, it's hard not to let just the tiniest bit of a smile pull at one side of his mouth.]

Yeah. I bet it would have been.

[He has no illusions about just how cathartic driving a stake through Angelus' heart would be for some.]

Right now-- I'm just glad you're okay.

[Sooner or later, Angelus would have done his worst to her if he could. Probably sooner.]

[misstactless]

[ No thanks to you is what builds up in her throat, but Cordelia bites back down on it. She's upset, sure, but she's made her point more than once and then once more just because she wanted to. He gets it and really, no one does guilt and brooding like Angel.

Yeah, he'll probably stay more upset at himself than she will in the long run. ]

Duh. I'm Cordelia Chase. What did you expect?

[ So she might as well talk herself up a bit. ]

And as much as I liked you playing the damsel in your own body, let's not make a habit of it.