[OPEN] have you ever stopped to watch a bluebird drop from a tree and take to the air?

[dancepuppetdance]

Who: Bill Cipher Wirt & YOU!
Where: all around the mansion
When: August 13-15 (or until Wirt loses consciousness)
Rating: PG to PG-13
Summary: Wirt made A Very Bad Decision and must suffer the consequences of his actions while Bill attempts to locate and destroy Dipper's journal.
The Story:

[It was easy. Too easy.

A little bit like taking candy from baby with no arms, if Bill is being honest, and he's nothing if not devastatingly so. First time in a body - noodly, so noodly, with awkwardly-long teenage legs - in a while, since he last inhabited Pine Tree, and Gnome Hat is only slightly different in that he's taller and well-rested.]

I tell ya, nothing like a fresh set of clodhoppers to start your day!

[He says to himself, as if he hadn't already been wearing A Boy Named Wirt for several hours already. Bill grins into a mirror, displaying all his new teeth and snapping them experimentally as he adjusts the ridiculous pointed hat on his head.]

They won't see what hit 'em!

[Bill can be found in a number of places enjoying the pleasures of having a physical form without all the pesky drawbacks of being a gravity-bound triangle:]


THE GARDENS

Ahahahaha!

[Leaning over a flowerbed with an extended candle-lighter he waves the flame gently under a tulip, observing the way it catches fire, the way red and orange licks over fresh organic material. It doesn't smell as good as something meatier, but it'll do in lieu of-]

Hey, you!

[He yells at a passing butterfly, lunging at it and cursing his human limitations as it flutters just out of his reach. Narrowing his eyes (two of them! two!) after it he turns back to the box, reaching for a stalk of Digitalis purpurea and wrenching several of the purple flowers free.]

Bottom's up!

[He shoves them into his mouth and begins to chew.]


THE HALLS

[Intent of displaying his vessel's tremendously awful skills at playing the clarinet the quietest of the afternoon hours - when people are relaxing, or all abed for siestas - are interrupted by the dulcet sounds of a dying cat.

...sorry, the soothing melody of quality music played on a quality instrument.]


AT NIGHT

[Late at night, the witching hour and beyond, Bill shuffles through the corridors and scrawls his own image into the walls and floorboards, rummages through the kitchen's infinite stores and drags slabs of bloody beef onto the cutting board at the counter.

He likes the wet, thick sound it makes when the cleaver hits wood, a satisfying THOK in the dead silence, the spatter of red on the apron he's donned, the squelching crunch of marrow and viscera as he forces it into the grinder with his bare hands. Turning the crank it spills out the other end, aimlessly gathering on the tile floor in juicy piles.

Intruders get a bright and cheery smile.]

Hey there. You like hamburgers?


AFTERNOON POETRY READINGS

But lo! Yon mortal coil forsakes me, for it is my burden to wander!

[Standing on a stack of books in the library, he gestures wide around him and projects with confidence and passion:]

The perils of train tracks, the perils of swimming, and it was upon me to squander,

My time with dear loved ones, so friendly and kind, like ships passing cold in the night,

I greeted The Beast and I joined in his feast and my brother did die from the fright!

[With an elegant, swooping bow, he accepts any applause and appreciation in the form of hoots and hollers.]

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all wee- [Bill squints at the watch he's put on for the occasion.] -for the next few days. Probably.


Private Message to Mabel Pines:
I LIKE YOU. DO YOU LIKE ME? (CIRCLE ONE)
- YES
- DEFINITELY
- ABSOLUTELY!!


Private Message to Dipper Pines:
Hey!
Do you...want to hang out? Or something?
-Wirt




[ OOC Note: When Bill possesses a body he uses that person's voice, so hearing him talk will not give away who he really is under the Wirt-shaped fleshsuit. To everyone else, his eyes appear perfectly normal, round pupils instead of slits, but for the sake of easy differentiation between this Wirt (Bill-Wirt? Birt?) and the real Wirt, I made slit-eye icons to mimic what Gravity Falls did.

Also, it just looks creepy. ]

Comments

TEXT;

[powerofmabel]

[Mabel's excited for the text for approximately five seconds until she reads who it's from. Whaaat.]

What the hey-hey, Wirt? It's great that you're putting yourself out there, but, uh... I don't think there's anything here. Except friendship! Deep, meaningful friendship.

[Gideon taught her a valuable lesson about friend-zoning people, regardless of how much you think it might hurt their feelings. That doesn't make it easy since Wirt is... the crawl in a hole and die variety and not the sociopath variety.]

TEXT;

[dancepuppetdance]

[Please, with ~Sara~ back home Wirt isn't likely to get a crush on anyone here. Especially not somebody covered in so much glitter, who probably doesn't have the barest appreciation for terrible poetry.]

That's. That's what I meant? "Like" as in "friendship."

TEXT;

[powerofmabel]

[Oh.

Well, she jumped the gun on that one a bit, and while the deja vu is certainly disconcerting, it's also... Kind of Wirt's level of desperate..]

Of course I do! Are you going through one of your weird self-loathing spirals again? Is this a self-confidence emergency, requesting back-up??

at night

[brainmeme]

[Amethyst loves to sleep and all, but it's one thing when she doesn't actually have to. Having been forced to adopt a normal sleep schedule for a few days thanks to the event, she welcomes fulltime wakefulness with open arms and hasn't bothered to sleep since waking up back in the mansion.

Plus, the dead of night is the best time for snacks.

But something is amiss in the kitchen. Things look... different, somehow. A little unsettling. And by the noises, she can tell someone's already in there.

She creeps through the door, just as the meat hits the floor and she jumps when she sees it, but -- when she looks it's just Wirt. With some totally nonhuman meat. Okay. That's fine.]

Oh... Wirt. Uh, hey, sorry I missed band practice... I kinda forgot. You're fine with it, though, right? Next time!

2SPOOPY

[dancepuppetdance]

[Is Amethyst suggesting that Wirt acquire human meat? Because Bill could call a guy...]

Band practice, right! [He smacks his own forehead with a meat-greased palm, leaving particles of ground beef clinging to his eyebrows.] For that band you strong-armed me into! Ha ha, yeah. Yeah.

[Grinning manically he stoops to scoop up the reddish lumps on the floor by hand.]

I was about to fix some midnight steak tartare!

[brainmeme]

Uh. Yeah... That band.

[Amethyst has no idea what steak tartare is (other than not made of human meat which is a good thing please continue not using human meat Wirt) but she is not the type to discourage treating food in the grossest way possible. Like picking meat off the floor. Still, something is off about Wirt... Something a little different than normal...

Eh, it's probably nothing.]

I have no idea what that is. Can I have some? Better yet, just dump the raw meat in my mouth.

text;

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper and Wirt are clearly not friends. Really, Dipper can't stand the guy and his insistence that his movies are better than Dipper's and Ghostbusters is still a dumber name than Ghostharrassers I mean come on. Obviously they can't be friends since they spend their weekly movie nights arguing the whole time and then there's the whole probably not a gnome but definitely a human with terrible fashion sense and... yeah. Not remotely friends. Just people who hang out a lot and don't really like each other.

Which is why the message seems a little weird. It's not that Dipper and Wirt don't hang out, but it's not like they ask each other to hang out. They just kind of do it. Dipper frowns as he texts back.]

Everything okay?

[Did Mabel put him up to this? Does Wirt know what happened to Dipper? What's going on?]

text;

[dancepuppetdance]

[Obviously Dipper is just a sore whiner because Ghostbusters is better than Ghostharassers, from a purely objective and narrative standpoint. (Truthfully, Bill is also good friends with Zuul and the movie did a pretty good job of depicting her horrific majesty.)]

Yeah, I just didn't want to just show up at your door to hang out, I thought it would be rude.

[HA HA, YOU KNOW WIRT, ANXIETY-CHILD EXTRAORDINAIRE]

text;

[krmvgivv]

[...well, that sounds like Wirt. How does he even function with this much anxiety?]

Dude, it's fine. I'm just reading.

Afternoon Poetry Readings

[mourning_ghost]

[There is an easy way to annoy this human-sized bird and that is to disrespect books. Standing on them counts as disrespect, which means Birt is treated to Nageki's arctic glare as the mourning dove attempts to pick them up. He's determined to rescue them, even if he has to pull them out from under Birt's feet.]

Don't stand on the books.

[dancepuppetdance]

[It's not disrespect if the books are outdated Russian encyclopedias from the 1960s! Who needs all this Communist propaganda, anyway?

Stumbling back off of the stack and planting his fists firmly on his hips, Bill narrows his eyes at the giant bird and contemplates how large a rotisserie he might need to eat it.]

Endorsing Marxism, are you?! You monster.

[mourning_ghost]

[Well, the main character of his game thought an older student was a Christmas turkey in one route.]

...

[He's happier now that no one is standing on books at least. Too bad Bill insulted him for something he isn't even doing. Nageki resumes glaring (now at 0 Kelvin) and continues picking up the books. He probably isn't going to have a high opinion of Wirt after this.]

At Night

[wickedwest]

[Normally when weird things happen in Wonderland, it's part of an event, so Zelena just angrily puts up with it. Like the recent zombie thing. That was fun. Except for the part where she ended up lost in the woods looking for some stupid cabin. But nothing like that seems to be going on now, so when she wanders into the kitchen for a bite to eat, she's just sort of confused because well...if it wasn't for the fact that no one talks like that in her world, her first thought would be “what the fuck is this,” but assume it's something along those lines because that's the most appropriate way to put it.]

I think I'll pass if it's all the same to you.

[She's trying her best to look uncaring and mildly annoyed at best, but it's really hard to look that way when there's this freaky gnome butcher or whatever is going on in here tonight. And yet people wonder why she was so set on trying to get the hell out of Wonderland.]

[dancepuppetdance]

["Freaky gnome butcher" is not an inaccurate assessment. At worst, it's only s light exaggeration, as Wirt has never been trained as a professional butcher and probably never will be. He's going into philosophy, or interior decorating, or something equally menial.]

Suit yourself! Nothing like Wagyu beef at one am, that's what I always say!

[While staring at her, smiling, Bill slowly reaches for a handful of raw meat and (equally slowly) presses it into the grinder with his bare hand.]

I could fix you a salad. Something a little more..........green?

[wickedwest]

Try washing your hands first.

[...while you still have them, seriously Bill, be careful with that grinder.

Not that she cares, of course. If it happens, it happens, and she'd probably just roll her eyes, make some sort of rude comment and resume...whatever it is Zelena does all day when she's not swearing vengeance and other things upon Regina.]

But, so you know who I am? I have to say I'm surprised. I think I'd remember meeting someone like you.

[And as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she really doesn't have anywhere near as much notoriety in Wonderland as she thinks she does.]

Poetry Readings

[therapize]

[As Wirt begins his recital, Cami stares with the same transfixed look one might spare an accident about to happen. She can hardly begin to list all the ways in which this scene is wrong, from Wirt speaking in person, in public--scratch that, making a public spectacle of himself--to the fact that his poem culminates in the death of Greg. Nothing about it rings true to the boy she knows, and while Cami might normally encourage such a brave act, it's far too wrong for her to consider a good thing.]

Wirt? [She walks over as he takes his bows, trying grin in spite of her worry.] Are you feeling okay?

[dancepuppetdance]

[Shock and horror was not quite the reaction he was going for, but it's an acceptable one for the time being.]

...I'm fine, [he deadpans, turning to look at her slowly, breaking out of his "stage persona."] Should I...not...be?

Night because I can't resist awkward encounters in the kitchen

[itwouldbeatragedy]

[Kaneki is definitely surprised to find Wirt in the kitchen in the middle of the night--he only comes so late himself because, while most people are okay with his *ahem* dietary restrictions, it's still better if no one is involved in him fetching or eating human flesh.

What Wirt is doing is as disturbing as it is surprising, however, and totally eclipses the matter of what time it is. And then that question--Wirt, of all people, should know better than to ask that.]

Are you...actually going to eat that?

[He looks a little ill as he watches another glob of ground meat fall to the floor, wincing at the wet plop as it lands.]

THE BEST KIND OF ENCOUNTER (after close ones with the Third Kind)

[dancepuppetdance]

A little hypocritical of you, dontcha think?

[He states matter-of-factly, the query rhetorical and the smile on his face as wide as ever: teeth, teeth, teeth. It's nice having them, he thinks, to be able to close them around something and clamp down. Bill looks to the slab of bleeding sirloin in his hand and squeezes it, sending rivulets of red running into the grinder.]

What with your usual fare, and all.

HALLS

[singloversing]

[Wirt is floating above, watching this spectacle in absolute horror.

This is it. He's officially ruined his life. He's going to be a ghost forever, doomed to haunt Wonderland because of his own dumb mistakes, which is ridiculous, seeing has he isn't dead yet. He's right there, walking down the hall playing something horrible on his clarinet. How has no one noticed this isn't him? Isn't it obvious?]

Oh my gosh. Please, just stop. Please. Someone might actually hear you.

[He actually makes an attempt to grab downward for the clarinet, but predictably his hand goes right through it.]

[dancepuppetdance]

[Bill spins on the ball of one foot, turning to look at the neurotic wreck of a gnome as he tries in vain to understand the severity of his situation.]

Ah-ah!

[He waggles the clarinet with a knowing smile, all teeth.]

You're basically a ghost, kid! You're just gonna have to wait this one out 'til I'm done! [A beat.] ...which reminds me, where's the gardening equipment in this place...

at night!

[lifeskills]

<sub>[Victor is often awake at these times, finding it easier to move about at his leisure and clear his mind while the mansion is (relatively) quiet. Less often does he find...

Pictures on the walls?

What are they? He finds they're even on the basement stairs as he makes his way up them. The image repeats itself over and over, and Victor is struck by the similarities to Malcolm's hieroglyphic research--the Eye of Horus? No, the design is clearly later than that, already merged with theological overtures.

And they're everywhere. Everywhere.

Something tells him not to step on them, so he doesn't; making his way like this just so happens to means he closes in on the culprit himself, still at work while he heads in the direction of the kitchen.]</sub>

... Wirt?

<sub>[Why the boy with the odd name enjoys dressing in so odd a fashion is beyond Victor, but it makes him easy to spot.

The odd drawings, though, that's a new one.]</sub>

[dancepuppetdance]

[The design is later than that? Clearly Victor needs to brush up on his hieroglyphs with a certain librarian, eyes and pyramids have been used in conjunction since the early dynasties. Who does he think inspired this to be featured on churches and government buildings?]

Oh! Hey!

[Birt turns, witnessing the poetic glory of his dead-raising idol, and truly, Bill wishes that the kid knew. He might be less emphatic in his admiration. In his "shock," he almost drops the marker.]

That's my name, don't wear it out!

Gardens

[goodwoofjames]

[Considering the previous event, one would think Sirius wouldn't be terribly disturbed by the sight of a boy his age chasing a butterfly down with an open flame. But it turns out Sirius' connection to animals allows him to feel just as much horror as he normally would, even despite being horribly depressed!

Which is why he runs over and grabs the boy by the wrist and stares him down, his wand ready in his other hand.]

What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?!

[dancepuppetdance]

Hey-!

[Upon turning he resists the urge to snort; it's only Dogbreath, and he doesn't pose much of a threat when he's against using curses on others. Poor kid doesn't have the constitution for it.

Birt narrows his eyes and hisses something in ancient Sumerian before supplementing with a sudden, broad smile and a:]

Trying to enjoy the sunshine-y day, friend.