entrancelogs | brightly shone the moon that night ( open )

december 13th - the ghost of christmas past

[ On the day that the shadows of her past begin to haunt her, they're especially kind. Surprising, but not upsetting, and the Warden, wherever she is, is in the middle of a scene from her childhood. It's Castle Cousland, her home at the fortress of Highever until... recently. The castle will seem medieval to anyone who doesn't known 'Ferelden' style, or Ferelden anything, and is bustling with life. People come and go, chatting animatedly, enjoying each other's company. There are tavern songs and mabari, others like the huge dog that follows Robyn around. Her own hound, Oren, is more confused by the scene and barks occasionally at the phantom figures as they hurry through.

The centerpiece is, of course, her family. Teyrn Bryce Cousland is at a table with his wife, Robyn's mother, her older brother, Fergus, and the girl herself. She's a child, likely younger than ten, and is chasing one of the pups around the table while Fergus chases her. Both of their parents are enjoying the scene, though they also speak occasionally with servants, guards, or others who stop in. A fire crackles merrily in the background and the children only stop roughhousing when food begins to be placed out across the table. It's an impressive spread and one not kept from the dogs; Robyn, in the scene, is sneaking bits to a drooling mabari at her feet while the others pretend not to notice.

The real Robyn seems to be completely captivated, watching the happy memory on loop in contended silence. ]

december 14th - the ghost of christmas present

[ The scene again involves a fire, but is much more recent. A campfire snaps and hisses, eating away at a stack of haphazard logs. Sitting around it are an absolutely ragtag group, including a Robyn Cousland who looks almost exactly as she does now. With her is another of Wonderland's residents, Alistair Theirin, who is having bits of the rabbit he'd been eating stolen from his hands by a hungry mabari, who the incensed Alistair refers to as 'Calen.'

With them are a number of others: a dark-haired woman who'd also been in the mansion who is regarding the scene with almost furtive amusement, a red-haired woman who is telling stories and gesturing emphatically, and an older woman dressed in robes, smiling knowingly at something. There is also a man with pointed ears (an elf) who is quietly encouraging the sneaky hound, a shorter man (a dwarf) who is laughing raucously and drinking as if his life depends on it, and a huge, surly-seeming man (a qunari) who seems to be in another place entirely.

There's also a massive, stone golemn who doesn't seem to be eating.

The party stays for a while, listening to a series of stories, most of which are wildly inappropriate, laughing and eating in their camp in a clearing. After some time, Robyn gets to her feet, making for her tent, but Alistair quickly rises and catches her and they turn, moving not too far away from the clearing, just out of earshot (and sight lines) of the others. The memory ripples and moves forward a bit, finding the pair standing and talking, perfectly at ease.

"I know it... might sound strange, considering we haven't known each other for very long, but I've come to... care for you. A great deal. I think maybe it's because we've gone through so much together. I don't know. Or maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself."

Alistair speaks and she listens, shifting her weight the tiniest bit, eyes wide and almost unsure under the weight of what he's trying to say.

"Am I?" he asks hastily, also looking a little nervous. "Fooling myself? Or do you ever think you might ever... feel the same way about me?"

Robyn, in her memory, reddens a bit, though it isn't completely clear in the darkness. Slowly, she takes a breath, looking down to consider it thoroughly, before finally raising her gaze again and nodding faintly.

"I think I already do," she breathes, somehow just as anxious. Despite the heavy air of discomfort, he manages a grin.

"So I fooled you, did I? Good to know."

And he leans in and she does, too, and just as they close the distance, the memory begins again, set at the campsite. ]

december 15th - the ghost of christmas future

[ It's very dark and very cold. There is a fire, but it's only the light of a small torch. The woman holding it is Robyn, of course, but ten years older and very alone. The caves she moves through are the tunnels of the Deep Roads, inherently frightening and with very little in terms of company. Occasionally, there's the sound of water dripping, or a stone knocking against her boots, or a distant scamper.

She's wearing Grey Warden armor, but it's difficult to see, between the shadows and the blood and grime that's been spattered across it. This doesn't seem to bother her, though; Robyn soldiers on, occasionally firing her crossbow toward something unseen, which usually shrieks or cries out as a result. They aren't human sounds, but ones belonging to Deepstalkers and darkspawn, both of which are plentiful in the Deep Roads.

Her mission is unclear. The Grey Warden travels, moving carefully, stopping very little. When she does stop, she consults a notebook by the light of a torch, writing down some and reading over what's already there. Her eyes are heavy with exhaustion and she looks much less well-fed, but it's to be expected. She's clearly doing something that can't be put on hold or done in any kinder way other than to trek into unforgiving expanses of the underground in order to achieve it. Still, her expression is resigned, at best, and doesn't seem to improve near the end of the 'future.'

The real Robyn regards all this with a startled sort of fear, almost like a lamentation. But... it doesn't surprise her, whatever the ghostly images mean. ]

[ He'd missed the scene of the previous day, but he's spoken to Robyn since then, heard about it briefly. Today he swings by to check on her, wanting to make sure the vivid memory of a past Christmas hasn't lowered her spirits any and finds a very different scene unfolding.

It's a camp at night, the surroundings a familiar landscape to anyone who's traipsed their way across Ferelden a few dozen times.

Brennan moves to Robyn's side, reaching out to brush a hand along her spine to let her know he's here with her as he takes in the scene, eyes flitting over the assembled faces - some of them familiar, others known only to him by the tales he's heard by now. ]

Well, this looks cozy.

[ She isn't startled by the touch, but looks hurriedly to see who's walked into another of her memories. Robyn isn't surprised to see that it's Brennan and relaxes, smiling fondly out at the small crowd. ]

As cozy as you can get during a Blight, I think. [ She leans in a little, as if the others in the scene might be able to hear them, as if they'd turn around and shush her. ] Let's see... you know Leliana, Alistair, and Morrigan. The mage is Wynne, from the Circle Tower. Torturing Alistair is Zevran, an assassin from Antiva that Loghain sent after us. I think he thought us all so charming that he just joined our band.

[ She smiles brightly, perfectly unwilling to accept that the assassin would turn on them, kill her in the middle of any given night. ]

The qunari is - well. He goes by 'Sten,' though I realize that isn't a name, but a title, and that they don't really... have names. And... the golem is Shale.

[ Robyn glances sideways at him, nudging him lightly in the side. ]

You've seen all this and more in the Inquisition, I imagine.

The camping? Oh yes, plenty of it. And my companions were almost as varied and colorful as yours.

[ He chuckles fondly as he nudges her back, then moves to prowl around the scene in thought, studying different aspects of it as the group laughed and relaxed together around a fire. ]

Maker, Leliana looks so young. Morrigan does too, but she still has this knowing about her. Has she always had that? That air of... I don't know. Like she's forgotten more secrets than you'll ever manage to learn.

You've not told me much about them. [ She says, almost accusingly, half-smiling at him as the firelight flickers over their faces. Eventually, she turns back to the scene, nodding faintly as she listens to what he says. ]

She is young. [ Robyn says, finally. And Leliana isn't the only one, though it's all relative, since this is a recent memory for the Warden. ] ... And, Morrigan does have that sense about her, doesn't she? It isn't surprising, after-

[ Should she mention Flemeth? Her eyes flit to Brennan, but she changes the subject. ]

We don't have the Inquisition's numbers, [ She says finally, looking at the group with a quiet pride. ] but we make do with what we have.

I'll tell you anything you'd like to know, whenever you like. [ Brennan chuckles as he shoots her a fond look. ] And yes, the group you put together accomplished amazing things. I'd never think of denying that.

Tell me about them?

Well, being from the future, you must have so many answers. [ There's a twitch at a smile and she hums happily, shifting again to look at the scene. ]

Maker, there's so much to tell. [ Robyn laughs weakly, shaking her head at the thought of relaying every detail of her friends, of all the things that she would end up telling him if he let her go on and on. ] At least pick one of them, do me that kindness. You'll thank me when you've stop got ears that work.

Tell me about Wynne?

[ He asks after a moment, the woman holding no small amount of curiosity for him, since he knew of her but had never gotten the opportunity to meet her in person. And never would, thanks to the disaster in the White Spire. Although Cole has spoken of her once or twice. At least he thinkshe has. To be honest, he's never entirely certain if he's hearing what Cole is actually saying or not, though he tries. ]

She was asked to take the position of First Enchanter, you know. [ Robyn speaks up right away, watching the mage from their short distance. ] But she refused it and ended up later at Ostagar. That's where I first met her, actually, before we ever reached Kinloch. She's always been so collected, kind and warm, but without any qualms in teasing us all. She always seems to know things, and not in the same way that Morrigan does, but- well, what I mean is, she's very perceptive, but discretely so.

[ And she'd lectured Robyn about entering into any kind of relationship with Alistair, but that isn't something she's about to bring up now. ]

She's got a strong sense of right and wrong and gives everything she has to reach those ends. In the Circle Tower, she was fearless and a very talented mage, of course. Wynne is a lot of things, all of them good.

I've heard a great many things about her. She was well liked and respected. [ Brennan muses aloud as he studies the woman. He makes no mention of what had happened at the Spire, not wanting to tarnish her happy memories of the woman.

Instead he turns the conversation to the elf sitting across the fire from her, his face bearing very notable tattoos. ] This one is the Crow assassin, yes? The Antivan?

"Was?"

[ Oh. Her face falls a little, but it... makes sense enough. Ten years is a long time and Wynne hadn't been a young woman during the Blight. Still, Robyn is less enthusiastic than she might have been when she moves on to discuss the Antivan rogue, her mind still on the mage. ]

Ah- Yes, Zevran. Teryn Loghain sent him after us, but we were able to best him, and he was impressed enough to join our party. It was in defiance of both his contract on our lives and the Crows; he's a noble ally and has a very good heart. I'm not often grateful for death threats, but that one worked out just fine.

[ Beat. ] He also had a penchant for flirting with just about everyone.

Edited 2016-01-11 17:55 (UTC)

I meant in what I had heard back home. [ He's quick to offer although she's probably caught him out anyway. ] It's hard not to put that in the past tense when we're here now.

Funny how things like that work out. [ Brennan chuckles as he watches the elven rogue interact a moment. ] We had business with him, briefly. I've never met him in person, but he contacted us once. He feared he'd accidentally offed one of Leliana's agents, not realizing who the man worked for and assuming the worst. His letters didn't go into a great amount of details, but he seemed to be having some difficulty with the Crows. Leliana arranged assistance for him to get out of the Free Marches, if I recall.

I... yes, that makes sense.

[ Though it does make her wonder how all of her friends are faring, at least the ones she hasn't heard so much about from the others. ]

The Crows came after him once they realized what he'd done. But, I think he found our company somehow more agreeable and wouldn't return. [ She seems a little more somber, watching Zevran. ] I'm not sure how friendly he was with the other assassins, but we had to fight against them to move on our way. I can't imagine it was easy.

[ Robyn still isn't entirely sure why he'd given it all up to join them on their hopeless quest. ]

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outofthebreach - 2016-01-22 14:33 (UTC) - Expand

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heroica - 2016-01-23 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

[It's not the first time he's seen ghosts of old memories playing themselves out over and over again but the images that have been showing up around the mansion lately are generally a lot more pleasant than those echos left behind in the Deep Roads. When he first stumbles on a more familiar scene he doesn't even notice the person responsible, caught up in the images playing out something not too far off nights Alistair remembers himself. He finds himself staying, watching the group with a wistful smile. If he doesn't look too closely at the other Warden sitting with them he can almost believe it's a memory or dream of his own.

The illusion lasts as long as it takes for Warden Cousland to leave the little gathering. When the illusion-Alistair follows her, the two of them finding some measure of privacy he's abruptly reminded that this isn't his happy moment. His heart sinks even as he leans closer, watching intently. The way the not-Alistair - other-Alistair? - acts around her is nothing like the way he and the Cousland he knows are. He doesn't think he's ever looked at or spoken to someone like that but it looks and sounds just like him - awkward and fumbling and the way they're talking it's like-

He makes a strangled little sound, recoiling as the memory ends and begins its loop again. So that was why she-

Maker.

Spinning around to leave, wanting to just get out of there and find some way to distract himself, he finally spots the other Warden. Eyes narrowing in anger Alistair gestures accusingly at the scene playing out behind him once more.]

You didn't say anything about that!

[He's not being fair and if it didn't affect him personally he might be able to understand why she hadn't told him anything beyond that they knew each other. As it does he's too caught up in his own feelings to consider anyone else's, temper flaring up to hide his discomfort.]

[ For herself, she doesn't notice the real Alistair has walked in on the scene, not until he speaks up. She's seen it so many times that she's continued throughout her day in a little, sheepish flurry, trying to steer clear of other people through the embarrassing bits, at least, until the day ends and something else (another memory?) takes its place.

The worst happens, of course, as it always does. She and Alistair haven't spoken since their meeting in Wonderland, the one that had ended rather badly and sent them on their separate ways in two indignant huffs. But, when he speaks up sharply, she gasps, startled out of her reverie by the fact that the voice doesn't belong there, isn't a part of the scene that she's heard dozens of times now.

Maker, of course he would just happen into her memory, one so personal and private, even with him. ... Especially from him, almost; if he doesn't remember, then he, like everyone else, has no right to be looking in on such an intimate moment. When he makes himself known, she jumps to her feet, red in the face with mingled self-consciousness and a little anger, herself. ]

Of course I didn't tell you! [ She retorts hotly, hands balled into little fists at her sides. ] Why would I? You don't know me - [ She almost adds "and I don't know you," but that isn't as true, even if he isn't the same Alistair. ] Would you have preferred I tell you that- that something like this happened when you'd just arrived? We had enough of a row with my trying to answer your questions without any of that!

Yes! I-

[No, he didn't want her to have told him when he'd just met her. He wouldn't have taken it well - isn't taking it well now and he's had time to get used to the idea of her. If it had come up when they first spoke it would have been even worse. In truth he'd prefer not to know this at all, but now that he does it feels like being lied to having had it kept from him.]

You still should have said something! [Something. A warning. Or just a hint that they were more than just reluctant allies as far as she was concerned.]

How hard is it to go 'oh, by the way I wish you were someone else because we were-'? [He cuts himself off, waving at the scene again to illustrate what he can't say.

Now he knows why that first meeting had gone so badly. (Completely ignoring the fact that it had been his own attitude causing the problems rather than anything else.) She'd been expecting the person she knew and instead got him.... He hadn't really thought about there being another him to go with a place where she was the Warden. And now that he's been confronted with exactly that he doesn't know how to cope with it. An entire life that isn't his own but which is the same in so many ways... How does someone deal with that kind of thing?]

Is that what you'd have had me say? Because I know for a fact you would have only shouted at me more if I said anything like that.

[ Emotion wells up in her throat and she turns her back on the memory, once a source of quiet happiness, until... this. ]

I don't wish you were someone else, I would never - [ Swallowing, she shakes her head hard. ] ... But you don't have to treat me like your enemy, either. You may not know me, but I've been trying to help explain, and you can't know how hard this has been with you having a go at me every time we meet.

[ There aren't any answers, let alone easy ones. Robyn just ends up shaking her head again, lost for words or for any way to smooth things between them. So far, it's been little more than a disaster, and it makes her feel as if her insides have crumbled away. The foundation of her new life after Highever, with the Wardens, had begun with Duncan and Alistair, and now she'd really lost them both. ]

[Folding his arms defensively Alistair glowers at her, disbelief written clear across his face. Of course she'd want him to be someone she actually knew and not him, who wouldn't? Given the choice was between a friend - or more as it seemed was the case - and a stranger anyone would pick the one they knew. Which wasn't him.]

I have not been- [He has been though, hasn't he? Even if it feels entirely justified to do so, waiting for the arguments he's come to expect from the only other Warden left. He's still been on the offense both times they've spoken. And she does seem honestly unhappy about it, even if that feels like it's only because, as he's decided, he's not who she wants here.]

Fine. [The words are forced out grudgingly, as he looks anywhere but at the Warden or the image behind her.] I'll keep my mouth shut unless it's something important, would that be better?

[Or they could just go back to avoiding each other. That would work too. And probably make them both happier.]

No, it wouldn't.

[ The response is quiet and a little sad. It's nearly unbearable to have one of the last people from Thedas that she trusted respond to her with such well-practiced bitterness, particularly since she has no idea where it's coming from or what his relationship was (is) like with 'his' Warden.

Like Alistair, Robyn glances away, but she has less of an issue looking at the campfire scene. Oghren is telling a very loud and bawdy joke, sometimes spoken over by various members of the party who're trying to get him to stop. ]

I don't want to fight. [ The Warden says, finally. ] So... if all we're to do when we meet is argue, then maybe we should... stay away. For a while.

[ It's the last thing she wants, really, and the thought of him being there and the pair of them avoiding each other like enemies is painful. ... But, the yelling is just as bad, if not worse, and she's not at all keen to incite more meetings where it could happen again, and again, and again. ]

[Frowning warily, Alistair turns back towards her, taking in the Warden's expression as she watches the scene. He'd been expecting her to agree that, yes, it would be better if he just learned to keep his mouth shut. But instead she sounds... sad and he's not sure whether he should say anything. Or what he'd say if he did. Something suspiciously akin to guilt tugs at him but it's outweighed by mistrust and uncertainty and the best he can manage is to mumble an answer.]

Fine by me.

[It would be easier by far on them both if they did avoid each other. She wouldn't have to be reminded of who he wasn't and he wouldn't have to deal with whatever else she might be hiding. Or the fact he could be overreacting or plain wrong about her.]

I'll keep away from you, you keep away from me and if something comes up- [Like the dangers he's been warned of but has yet to see for himself.] You.... can still call on me. Alright?

[She is still a Warden and he can't abandon her entirely no matter what his personal feelings.

In the background he can hear Oghren telling that stupid joke of his and it just makes him miss the rest of them - some of the rest of them - even more. Even if Zevran had had to explain it to him.]

What?

[ It genuinely surprises her and she turns, eyes wide and then suspicious. ]

Why would you - [ want me to call on you? Because, as far as she's concerned, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with her, for better or worse. And it's always worse, it seems, as their first two meetings have been so positively awful thus far. Vaguely, she wonders about Brennan, Dorian, Hawke, and Isabela, how they've interacted with him thus far. What they've told him about her.

Well... it won't be much that he hasn't seen here, already. ]

... Alright. [ She says finally, somewhat mollified. It may be his sense of duty compelling him to say it, but beggars can't be choosers. If they're going to be living in the same building and likely seeing a lot more of each other, intentional or no, it'd be better to do so with measured civility than heated arguments.

Robyn watches the other version of herself steal a glance in the memory-Alistair's direction and wonders if she looks as obvious as she thinks she had in the scene. ]

And you, if... you need anything. [ She adds quickly. ] The others are reliable, too, and trustworthy.

[He bristles at her response, unreasonably irritated by how unexpected his offer seems to have been. He knows his duty as a Warden if nothing else and he isn't going to ignore it. At least she doesn't push it, seeming to accept his offer for now. Maybe she's just decided not to believe him but no one can say he didn't try. And it's not as though she doesn't have others she can call on if she needs to, as the Warden herself reminds him.]

I've spoken to them.

[Not for long enough to really claim to know them well but they'd all seemed friendly enough. Even the Tevinter mage hadn't said anything particularly evil which was practically blasphemy. Although the others from Thedas have all known her longer than him so if there is a problem.... Well. Hopefully they all don't take sides in things that don't concern them.]

I'll keep it in mind.

[And likely seek them out first if he does find himself needing help. It would be a lot easier than needing to rely on the Warden and dealing with whatever she'd have to say about that. Which might be less awful and more... something else than he'd first thought, based on what's still going on behind them but he's really not in a hurry to find out.]

I'll just go then. [Alistair begins edging off, watching her warily as if expecting her to suddenly change her mind about them avoiding each other and drag him back.]

Just - One more thing.

[ She's staring very hard at her fingers, brows drawn down in concentration as she tries to put together what she wants to say. The scene is almost at its end, which means the Very Uncomfortable part that she'd rather him not see again (and, frankly, which will only upset her, now). Better to encourage him to head out.

One more thing. ]

... The Alistair I know isn't you. [ Robyn says finally, then hurriedly explains: ] What I mean is, I don't think of you as that person. There aren't any assumptions or expectations, and I think it's important that you know.

[ Maker forbid he think she's expecting a kiss, or something equally as mortifying. ]

If we see each other, it'll be as two Grey Wardens. Nothing else. [ It isn't angry or bitter; in fact, it's almost gentle, kind. When she looks back at him and up from her hands, her expression is subdued. ]

Okay?

[And just when he'd thought he could get away.

He frowns and stops again, biting his tongue to keep from hurrying her along with whatever she has to say. When she does manage to say what's on her mind it manages to be both a relief and... not a disappointment, that's not the right word but it's something like that. He doesn't want to be expected to fit into someone else's shoes - especially not like that with someone he just met - but it seems like even when he's just being Alistair he can't even be the one people want around. And if that isn't entirely too miserable and self-pitying a thought to have right now he doesn't know what is.]

Got it. Just two Wardens, nothing else needed or wanted. OK. Fine.

[It's a bit too brisk given the Warden's own tone. But if he stays much longer he might start feeling guilty again for one and for another the Warden and the not-Alistair are going to start with the goo-goo eyes again soon and seeing that once was enough.]

Anything else?

Only that; you're free to go.

[ He'd always been that, of course, but she's glad to have had him stick around to hear her through. Robyn tugs her gaze away from the real Alistair, but she isn't looking at the memory, either; she settles in against the wall, removing the communicator from her pouch under pretense of looking at it. To be fair, there's a lot on it to see, though she still hasn't quite figured it out. ]

Maker go with you. [ She says finally, to his retreating back, only looking up half a second before turning to her scenes. ]

brightly shone the moon that night ( open )

warden robyn cousland ; i'll be home for christmas if only in my dreams

14th

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14th I'm sorry

NO YOU ARE NOT

Nope, not at all!

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