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Who: Zelena and you!
Where: Somewhere in the Deep Roads
When: 5/5 – 5/9
Rating: PG/PG-13 for some sort of magical violence
Summary: In which Zelena actually likes part of this event. What is wrong with her?
The Story:

[A, pretty much anytime during the event]

Normally Zelena's the type to just not get involved in an event if she can help it. But given what happened last time, she figured the easiest way to avoid getting dragged into dealing with people she likes and talking about ugh, feelings and the world not revolving around her, would be to just jump straight into things. So into the Deep Roads she went.

And she really isn't surprised by how awful it is. There's spiders, and dinosaurs, and spiders, and spiders, oh and those horrid zombie things too. Honestly, this is far from her idea of a good time. But you know what? It beats having to talk to people, and she can vent her frustrations on these things without having to worry about them respawning. Or wanting to talk her out of being a horrible person.

So she's in here, happily, yes, happily throwing fireballs at Darkspawn. Or occasionally turning one into a flying monkey and sending it after something else in the darkness. Honestly, she can't remember the last time she's had so much fun in Wonderland. So she's in a surprisingly decent mood, despite everything being awful. So don't expect the usual grimacing and griping about Wonderland. At least not right away if you run into her down here.

And who knows? She might even be willing to lend a helping hand with things for once because this is apparently her idea of a good time. Or at least a better time than most events usually are anyway.

[B, towards the end of the event]

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end someday. So Zelena's going to head back after spending way too much time torching things. But she's not heading back empty handed as she seems to be walking an old blue bicycle back out of the Deep Roads, occasionally stopping to deal with whatever crosses her path. Sure, she could just magic her way out, but she's tired, and the longer she spends not having to deal with regular Wonderland, the better.

She doesn't seem to be as happy as she was before, and seems remarkably less homicidal than she's been over the past few days, so that's something. And it's not like she necessarily feels like talking about her particular treasure, but if she's approached, she can at least attempt some sort of conversation. If only because this time she actually wants to talk to someone, rather than being forced to because she's trapped on a stupid boat.

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....Yeah. Better just leave that right alone.

Alistair frowns faintly at her comment about the last event. He had mostly spent it working with others and the parts he had spent alone... hadn't necessarily worked out so well for him. Rather than say as much he instead offers, "Maybe a little bit of safety. It doesn't hurt to have someone to watch your back and warn you when there's more coming." The darkspawn aren't the smartest things around but they know the Deep Roads better than anyone alive and it's easy for them to catch people by surprise down here.

"And you need to be careful you don't get infected by the taint. If you get any of their blood on you it could make you sick." Which isn't helped much by having someone else around, immune or not - unless she finds herself needing to cross a river of tainted blood or something but he figures it's worth saying just in case. Most people in Wonderland have never heard of darkspawn before and don't know what they can do. And he really doesn't want anyone turning into a ghoul.

“Tainted blood. Really?”

She can only scowl at that because not only is that a concern she hadn't thought of, but...it's incredibly gross. Not that she has a lot of room to talk since her monkeys can create other monkeys like some sort of zombie virus, but that's still unpleasant.

“Unless they can spray it at people, I should be fine if I keep my distance. Believe me, I'd like as little contact with these things as possible. Still, I suppose I should thank you. Unless of course, you're speaking from personal experience, then I'd think it's best to stay as far away as possible lest I catch whatever you've picked up from them.”

Well, that was...probably more diplomatic than she usually is. She's trying, okay? Except, not really. This isn't trying, unless trying suddenly involves accusing the person trying to be helpful of being infected by the Darkspawn.

Funny story.... Since he sort of is infected. As a result of drinking their blood. Which is even worse than there being tainted blood in the first place. There are some parts of being a Warden that are kept secret for very good reason.

On the plus side, being accused of being a human taint-carrying plague rat isn't even the worst thing someone has said to him this week, so Alistair just shakes his head, clearly amused. "No, no personal experience here. I'm immune." In a manner of speaking. But he's not infectious at least. Rather more seriously he goes on, "I have seen it happen though. And it's not pretty." Much like the darkspawn themselves.

Speaking of which, his attention is dragged away down another tunnel and he stands there a moment, staring down it and frowning faintly before turning back to Zelena. "There's more nearby. We should move, unless you're really in the mood for some exercise." Who knows, maybe she enjoys turning ugly, tainted monsters into slightly less ugly possibly still tainted monsters.

“Get moving? And miss all the fun?”

She looks like she really wants to tackle whatever's coming, and raises a hand in that direction. It'll be fun, come on Alistair. Live a little. Or actually, on second thought, maybe they won't if they stick around. So rather than stay around and magic things to death, Zelena actually looks like it's just occurred to her that heading in another direction might be a good idea.

“On second thought, perhaps I should defer to someone who knows better. For once, anyway.”

Still, she'll sort of telekinetically push in the direction of the Darkspawn. Essentially, it looks like the air ripples heading out that way, and there's the clattering and clanging one would expect to hear if a bunch of swords and other medieval weaponry fell all over the place

“There, that should buy us some time. Not to mention, I'd hate for them to think the Wicked Witch turned tail and ran without putting up some sort of a fight.”

That answers that question. She's a little crazy. And likes fighting monsters. Not that Alistair himself hates it per se. Not when it's the darkspawn which have caused so much destruction in his home country. But there are times when it's better to be discreet and not go charging into battles that could draw who knows how many of the creatures down on them when there's just him and an ally he barely knows who's vulnerable to the taint.

Still, he's ready to fight if she's not about to run - he can't just abandon someone down here, crazy or not. And trying to drag off a mage who can turn darkspawn into monkeys seems like a really bad idea.

Lucky for him Zelena changes her mind, agreeing to retreat and even going to far as to use some kind of force magic to slow the darkspawn down and give them a better chance of escaping.

With a nod Alistair turns and quickly leads the way down another tunnel that is clear of the darkspawn. He waits till they've put some distance between them and the creatures and asks, "Wicked Witch?" That.... sounds a lot like the Witch of the Wilds except worse and suddenly he's feeling less sure about being stuck in darkspawn-filled tunnels with her. But who knows, maybe wicked is just an allusion to her sense of humour. He can hope, can't he?

"That's an... interesting name."

Yeah, sure, a little crazy. She's a little crazy in the same way the Deep Roads are just a little awful. Or that Shale is a little rocky.

“Don't tell me you're surprised. No Good Witch would be out here fighting those things the way I've been doing.”

If anything, she seems to be judging him slightly for not figuring it out sooner. And yes, Good Witch is apparently actually referring to someone, not merely an alignment choice. Her world's rather fond of titles: the Wicked Witch, the Evil Queen, the Savior, the Dark One. Really, anyone who's a big deal gets one.

“Don't worry though, I really don't plan on harming a hair on your pretty little head. Not unless you give me reason to, anyway.”

That's not exactly the truth. She'd absolutely attack anyone without a second thought if she thought it stood between her and what she wanted, but for now, there's really no point in doing so.

"Of course. Silly me."

Good Witch.... do those exist? He knows good mages but witches? The term mostly applies to apostates like Flemeth and Morrigan in his experience and neither of those two qualify as good. But maybe it's a more general purpose term for a mage where she's from?

Not that it especially matters. When she's proudly claiming not to be good and suggesting she might just turn on him if she feels she has reason she could call herself Andraste reborn and he'd still be worried. Why does he seem to have such a skill for running into all the crazy or possibly evil people in Wonderland?

"With that attitude I'm going to guess you don't have a lot of friends." Look, he can't help himself OK? Alistair knows full well there's a good chance he'll be dead long before his Calling because he just had to open his mouth.

But not today. He hopes. He's too pretty- ruggedly handsome. To die. Or maybe just useful. That sounds more likely.

“Of course not. Never had much use for them to tell you the truth.”

Yeah, friends and Zelena, they don't go together. The monkeys a second ago? That's basically what passes for friends. Which is sad. She's been here forever, and yet, nope, no friends, why would she ever want those?

But since that's the case, she's not exactly angry about it. There's no reason to be upset about not having something she doesn't want. Or at least that's what she tells herself all the time. And it works...for the most part, anyway.

“I'm guessing you can't understand that. And that you probably have a bunch of your own. Probably running around this place as we speak, right?”

He just seems like the type to have friends. And by that, it means he's not Zelena. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

"I'm not surprised." By her lack of friends. The comparison to the Witch of the Wilds, one of them in particular, is starting to seem more and more accurate for all that Zelena has still been more pleasant than Morrigan. She hasn't called him an idiot yet at least.

If the whole no friends thing works for her then that's her problem, not his. As she recognises, prompting a laugh when she asks about his friends and what they're up to with this bit of the Deep Roads suddenly showing up in Wonderland.

"Yeah. Especially the ones from my home. They'll all be down here I bet." He sounds proud of that. All the people from Thedas that he's met in Wonderland tend to throw themselves headlong into danger. It just seems to be a thing with them. Especially with something like this. They all know how dangerous the darkspawn can be and how far the real Deep Roads reach. If there's any chance of the darkspawn hurting people or if they can find a way home through the tunnels it's worth the danger.

"None of us are what I'd call wicked though." Since apparently good witches don't fight darkspawn or something. Not that any of them are witches either but not the point.

“I'm not surprised. You wouldn't be.”

Being the foremost authority on the subject in her world, she would know. Okay,it's more like she's the only one whose wicked because it's just her thing. Her sister's evil (but getting better), the Dark One's dark (whoever it may be), and she's wicked. They're all mostly the same damn thing, but to Zelena, they're entirely different.

“You or your friends, really. Especially if they're all down here. No doubt warning others about those things and doing their best to help, right?”

She has absolutely no idea and is just lumping them all in with Alistair, but to Zelena, that sounds about right. That's just how other people are. She doesn't even sound bitter about it or anything. More like, it's just a fact and that's all.

He's not sure if he should be offended here or not. Zelena's right about the people he knows coming down to warn people about the darkspawn and keep any treasure hunters safe but the way she says it... He's just not sure how to take it. Or what to say.

"Yes?" That came out less certain than he'd like, though not because he doubts the answer. Just that the question is a bit weird coming from someone who calls herself the Wicked Witch. "Yes, that's what they'd be doing. That and trying to see if these tunnels connect to the real Deep Roads." Which he hasn't found any signs of yet but the Deep Roads are huge and he's pretty sure he could have wandered under Ferelden and not realised it unless some dwarves or other Wardens showed up.

Speaking of what brings them down here. "Why are you down here? If you don't care about helping people. You didn't just come to kill darkspawn, did you?"

“It's Wonderland. Why would it lead anywhere other than into more of Wonderland?”

She can't help but roll her eyes at that. Sorry, Alistair, she did the whole looking for a way out of Wonderland a while back, and knows probably better than anyone that there isn't one. It's been a while, but she's still bitter that one rampage and a curse later, and all she had to show for it was earning her first Wonderland death.

“And I didn't exactly come down here to get rid of a few unpleasant sights, really, that's just more of an added bonus.”

So yes, killing Darkspawn definitely has something to do with it, but that's not really the whole reason.

“Like I said, I spent the last event trapped with a group when I much rather would've been left alone. I'd rather be down here than deal with it again.”

She is so not helping to create a positive impression of her, but it's not her fault that she'd rather set things on fire than talk about her feelings or deal with the fact that her actions don't exist in a vacuum. Where's the fun in that?

"These are the Deep Roads." And she should definitely know what that means, being not from Thedas. "They stretch throughout Thedas. They had to come from somewhere and maybe they connect to the ones under Ferelden - my home." The tunnels are real and so are the darkspawn so it seems possible at least that this is some part of the real thing magically linked to Wonderland that might offer a way home.

It's at least worth looking. And he would still be down here if he knew for sure they didn't connect to Thedas because he's a Warden and there are darkspawn. Which he thinks is a far better reason for his presence than Zelena's.

"So let me get this straight. Last time you were stuck with a group of people you don't like so you decided the best way to avoid that this time was to come down here and kill darkspawn on your own so they couldn't find you?" So yeah, crazy. OK.

"You couldn't have just stayed in your room and avoided them without the darkspawn?" Look, if she likes killing darkspawn that's fine. Killing darkspawn is always a good thing, so long as the people doing the killing don't end up falling victim to the taint or getting killed themselves. But if it's just about avoiding people she doesn't like there are far easier ways to do that. Seriously.

“Not much sense in hiding in my room when such poor company is capable of teleporting in there. Or at least one of them is.”

The worst actually. What she wouldn't give to have been an only child. Oh wait, never mind, everybody already knows that. Been there, done that storyline in Wonderland, and well, she's still not an only child.

“Blood magic might do a wonderful job of keeping everyone else out, but when it comes to family...well then it leaves a little to be desired.”

Now if there were some sort of disowning magic, she'd be one hundred percent down with learning that. That'd be nice. But there's not, so she'll just be grumpy about minor inconveniences and how dare people intervene in her poor life choices.

Teleporting. That's not really a thing people can do, is it? If it is, it's both slightly creepy and incredibly useful but before Alistair can ask something far more worrying makes him forget the idea completely.

"Blood magic-" He slams to a halt, hand on the hilt of his sword, staring at Zelena suspiciously. "You're maleficar." That shouldn't come as a surprise with her being some sort of Witch of the Wilds except she actually chooses to call herself the Wicked Witch which is just worse.

She hasn't tried to hurt him yet - in fact she reminds him of Flemeth and Morrigan in more ways than one and they had both helped him at different times, loathe as he was to admit it - and there are darkspawn.... nearby. Getting closer. He really, really doesn't like it but the self-confessed blood mage is of lesser concern than the darkspawn. At least until they get out of the Deep Roads.

"Maker's breath." Releasing his sword again Alistair shakes his head. At least she hasn't started reading his mind. That's something....

How did he get himself into a place where that counts for something? Because he really needs to make sure never to do it again.

“Not sure what a maleficar is, but I hardly think it's compliment.”

Her hand had gone up once he went for the sword, but she'll put it down now. No need to try and throw away the sword or anything if he's not going to try something incredibly stupid. Though holding it in place was probably more likely than anything else. Throwing a weapon away down here just seems like a mistake. And no, it's not like she's going soft or anything, it's just that she doesn't want to put herself at a disadvantage if those things attack again.

“Then again, not really used to compliments, so I'll forgive that one for now.”

Outside of considering a quick display of magic, she's entirely at ease with being judged as something awful. She is, so why get offended? There's just no reason for it.

“Still, I'm guessing blood magic means something entirely different in your realm. Or you simply have a lot of issues with people who value their privacy. Either way, I can't really say I care which one it is. There's more important things to worry about down here for the time being.”

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