just look at the state of you, babe.

[trigeminalheadache]

Who: Caitlin Snow + Dorian Pavus; Caitlin + friends; Caitlin + YOU!
Where: Gardens, Library, Kitchen, Dining Room, Tea Room, etc
When: June 13 and beyond
Rating: PG-13; just to be safe, there may be intense imagery.
Summary: An already broken Caitlin arrives in Wonderland and is saddled with dealing with it and her baggage.
The Story:

june 13; arrival ( closed to dorian pavus )

[ She has to keep running.

It's the singular thought keeping her upright, keeping her awake. She has to warn them, she has to find the friends she has left, before Jay finds her. Caitlin's sure this is a trick; a cruel joke to punish her for warning the police a few nights ago. (Of course, telling her Barry's dead could have been a trick and a punishment too, but it would go against him saying he couldn't hurt her. An almost promise that's now broken because she left.) But even if it's a trick, she has to keep going. She can see the ruined spires of STAR Labs in the distance, even in the dark, and she's so close, so close...

And then the world becomes blindingly bright and markedly less ... urban. ] No.

[ There's hedges and a fountain and flowers everywhere. It isn't right. No, this isn't where she was a moment ago. She turns on the spot, squinting in the bright light, searching for ... something. They didn't miss any breaches. Did Zoom have someone else who could open them? ... no, if he did, he would have come after Barry sooner.

Her breath comes in heaves and pants, bordering on hyperventilating, something more than just being winded. Her clothes are dirty, looking as if she's worn them for a week or more. Her hair is dirty and knotted, her face drawn and streaked with dirt and the trail of dried tears. When her legs start to shake, she gracelessly sits right where she is, flopping down before drawing her legs tight to her chest.

Apologies to whoever finds her. ]

june 13-15

[ This space reserved for cast/canonverse mates. Will fill in once deets are sorted. ]

june 13; post-arrival thread ( closed to iris west )

[ It's a time-honored cliche, that doctors make for the worst patients. It certainly isn't an absolute, and it isn't even really a fair majority that it applies to. But being a cliche didn't make it not true. And for Caitlin, it's incredibly, borderline painfully true.

It isn't that she tries to be difficult. She's had to handle her own share of difficult patients, she knows first-hand how it can fray someone's nerves and rattle a less-secure professional, even how it can sometimes become a distraction. Every difficult patient has an excuse for why they behave the way they do, it's just that hers is real and true.

It's why she's making her way out of the clinic as soon as the initial exam is over. Dehydrated, malnourished, sleep deprived — she doesn't really need someone else to tell her these things. She's acutely aware of them, the dangers they pose. That she should stay and lay down. There isn't time for this. There has to be some way out of here, there just has to be.

As she steps out into the hall, her eyes go wide and she looks like she's been struck. ] Iris?

june 16 and beyond ( open )

[ It takes a few days to coax Caitlin out from beyond the relative safety of familiar faces, their rooms, and hers.

She's struggling, sometimes visibly, with adjusting. There's moments where she feels on the verge of panic and nearly seeks out a secluded space to fall apart and calm herself down in peace. Then there's moments where she's perfectly fine, almost happy (but never quite), where she feels closer to normal. Even then, there's something about her eyes that gives away what's just beneath the surface: they're too wide, they track every movement around her. There's a sheen of fear hiding in them.

It's not all terrible. The library quickly becomes a place to find her regularly. If she has to be away from the safety of friends, then she'll choose the second best option, the safety and familiarity of books. Too much solitude, though, leads to too much thinking, which leads to slipping back into that terrified place. It's touch and go, really.

She also avails herself to the kitchen, sometimes at odd hours of the night. Cooking for herself is such a routine part of her life, so it helps with regaining her footing. Sometimes, she's lazy and opts for the dining room or the tea rooms, though it still feels odd to have food and drinks come out of thin air. (She tries not to think about it.) ]

[ want a specific location not listed? feel free to ask through PM or at lovedbythesun ]

Comments

[magisterium]

I'd like to believe that there's at least a touch of it to be found in most worlds, if you look hard enough.

[It's so much a part of him that he can't even begin to think that there's a place that might have no trace of it at all; magic courses through his veins just as well as blood.]

I think you'll find that the more you investigate here, the more you'll find that magic has touched nearly every corner of it-- magic and memory, to be precise. Wonderland has a habit of siphoning them away over time, bit by bit.

[trigeminalheadache]

Memory?

[ With that, she stops moving forward. Stops walking. She's still on her feet, still shaky. The idea of this place taking away something so precious, her mind can't wrap around it at the moment. ]

I'm going to— [ Her voice cracks. ] I'm going to lose my memories by staying here.

[magisterium]

Not right away, at least. Cold comfort, I realize.

[There's really nothing to make that fact any gentler, any easier to swallow. The loss of one's memories is the ultimate violation, theft of what helps to make a person who they are.]

I've been here a year, but I've not lost any yet. [That he can tell, anyway.] It's entirely possible we'll find our way out before you lose any, as well.

[trigeminalheadache]

I'm afraid my luck never seems to run that way, unfortunately.

[ It's an incredibly cold comfort. As if she had an injured hand or foot, and the surgeon assured her that they wouldn't have to amputate right away. Her memories are just as vital. What would they take first? She wouldn't even recognize that she'd lost something.

She nods slightly, before taking another step, signaling that she's ready to continue. ]

So memory loss, magic, can't go home. Is there more?