just look at the state of you, babe.

[trigeminalheadache]

Who: Caitlin Snow + Dorian Pavus; Caitlin + friends; Caitlin + YOU!
Where: Gardens, Library, Kitchen, Dining Room, Tea Room, etc
When: June 13 and beyond
Rating: PG-13; just to be safe, there may be intense imagery.
Summary: An already broken Caitlin arrives in Wonderland and is saddled with dealing with it and her baggage.
The Story:

june 13; arrival ( closed to dorian pavus )

[ She has to keep running.

It's the singular thought keeping her upright, keeping her awake. She has to warn them, she has to find the friends she has left, before Jay finds her. Caitlin's sure this is a trick; a cruel joke to punish her for warning the police a few nights ago. (Of course, telling her Barry's dead could have been a trick and a punishment too, but it would go against him saying he couldn't hurt her. An almost promise that's now broken because she left.) But even if it's a trick, she has to keep going. She can see the ruined spires of STAR Labs in the distance, even in the dark, and she's so close, so close...

And then the world becomes blindingly bright and markedly less ... urban. ] No.

[ There's hedges and a fountain and flowers everywhere. It isn't right. No, this isn't where she was a moment ago. She turns on the spot, squinting in the bright light, searching for ... something. They didn't miss any breaches. Did Zoom have someone else who could open them? ... no, if he did, he would have come after Barry sooner.

Her breath comes in heaves and pants, bordering on hyperventilating, something more than just being winded. Her clothes are dirty, looking as if she's worn them for a week or more. Her hair is dirty and knotted, her face drawn and streaked with dirt and the trail of dried tears. When her legs start to shake, she gracelessly sits right where she is, flopping down before drawing her legs tight to her chest.

Apologies to whoever finds her. ]

june 13-15

[ This space reserved for cast/canonverse mates. Will fill in once deets are sorted. ]

june 13; post-arrival thread ( closed to iris west )

[ It's a time-honored cliche, that doctors make for the worst patients. It certainly isn't an absolute, and it isn't even really a fair majority that it applies to. But being a cliche didn't make it not true. And for Caitlin, it's incredibly, borderline painfully true.

It isn't that she tries to be difficult. She's had to handle her own share of difficult patients, she knows first-hand how it can fray someone's nerves and rattle a less-secure professional, even how it can sometimes become a distraction. Every difficult patient has an excuse for why they behave the way they do, it's just that hers is real and true.

It's why she's making her way out of the clinic as soon as the initial exam is over. Dehydrated, malnourished, sleep deprived — she doesn't really need someone else to tell her these things. She's acutely aware of them, the dangers they pose. That she should stay and lay down. There isn't time for this. There has to be some way out of here, there just has to be.

As she steps out into the hall, her eyes go wide and she looks like she's been struck. ] Iris?

june 16 and beyond ( open )

[ It takes a few days to coax Caitlin out from beyond the relative safety of familiar faces, their rooms, and hers.

She's struggling, sometimes visibly, with adjusting. There's moments where she feels on the verge of panic and nearly seeks out a secluded space to fall apart and calm herself down in peace. Then there's moments where she's perfectly fine, almost happy (but never quite), where she feels closer to normal. Even then, there's something about her eyes that gives away what's just beneath the surface: they're too wide, they track every movement around her. There's a sheen of fear hiding in them.

It's not all terrible. The library quickly becomes a place to find her regularly. If she has to be away from the safety of friends, then she'll choose the second best option, the safety and familiarity of books. Too much solitude, though, leads to too much thinking, which leads to slipping back into that terrified place. It's touch and go, really.

She also avails herself to the kitchen, sometimes at odd hours of the night. Cooking for herself is such a routine part of her life, so it helps with regaining her footing. Sometimes, she's lazy and opts for the dining room or the tea rooms, though it still feels odd to have food and drinks come out of thin air. (She tries not to think about it.) ]

[ want a specific location not listed? feel free to ask through PM or at lovedbythesun ]

Comments

Arrival

[magisterium]

[It was luck, perhaps, that so happened to find Dorian in the gardens as Caitlin finds herself winded and confused, dropping unceremoniously to the ground. While it wasn't unusual to find others out on the grounds, no matter what time he chose to walk them, it's the ragged panting somewhere to his left that catches his attention, dark eyebrows knitted together with concern as he seeks out the source-- and once finding it, finds himself startled to the point of dropping his book in order to make his way over, crouching down low beside Caitlin once he reaches her without waiting for an invitation.]

Venhedis, you look terrible--

[Not the most tactful way to greet someone, but most new arrivals to Wonderland didn't seem to care much for tact. It really wasn't the time to worry about niceties, not with as jarring as it had the potential to be.]

Are you hurt? Can you speak?

[trigeminalheadache]

[ Caitlin grows tenser visibly the closer Dorian gets, eyes wider and wider, her arms clutching her legs even tighter. She feels like just burying her face against her knees, but that would leave her too open, too vulnerable. There's enough sense left in her to try and have some self-preservation instinct in there somewhere, even if Zoom taking her proved that there was little she could really do to protect herself.

His lack of tact goes unnoticed. Her line of thinking doesn't even involve herself much; it's a constant stream of needing to get back, get home, warn Cisco and Harry. ]

How do I get home? I need to get home. Now.

[magisterium]

That may prove-- difficult.

[He phrases is as delicately as he can manage, closing his hands around her shoulders as he does his best to get a better look, try and spot any clear sign of dire injury. While there's nothing readily apparent, that doesn't change the fact that a sense of urgency has threatened to consume her, a feeling he knows all too well.

Wonderland has a funny sense of humor when it comes to timing, it would seem.]

Whatever it is you've left, whatever is happening-- it's stopped, for now. Frozen. Whatever threat is looming, it will remain so until you do return.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She reacts poorly to such a simple, well-intentioned touch, recoiling from the contact. Her shoulders roll if that isn't enough to break away, and the look in her eyes goes a touch wild. The only touch she's endured since being taken has been on her wrists, and that had been brief, even for a speedster. Just long enough for Jay to open and close her shackles, to latch and unlatch the handcuffs that kept her tethered to a rail.

(Of course, Jay also sped her through the breach twice, but that doesn't count as contact, being dragged around like so much luggage.)

She shakes her head, pressing her lips together hard to stave off the urge to cry. He doesn't know, no one knows. ] He won't. He won't stop. You have no idea what he's capable of.

Library; June 18

[mourning_ghost]

[It probably takes a few days for Nageki to stumble across her. He spends almost all his waking hours in the library but he's very good at getting lost inside the words and the library is so large that it doesn't take him long to find something he hasn't already read.

Even so, he it does take him some time to find the books. He'd flown up to the top of one of the bookshelves to get a better look. He's far larger than an ordinary mourning dove, but the bookshelves are still rather tall, which makes it somewhat tricky to try and read them. One catches his eye solely because of it's title - Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. He takes it out and it slips from his wings. It falls toward Caitlin's head.]

Watch out! [He shouts in alarm.]

[trigeminalheadache]

[ A library this big, it's easy to think she's alone in there. Two stories, sometimes three stories and she can't even begin to figure out how that works exactly, and every shelf full almost to the point of the books being tightly packed in. It reminds Caitlin of the main library at the university from which she graduated, though there had been more floors and more open spaces and banks of study rooms.

This afternoon finds her leisurely browsing a section she hadn't looked over before. She's quiet, focused on skimming the information on the spines, looking for something that catches her eye.

She should really question where the warning shout comes from, but when someone yells watch out, you generally do so, then ask questions. Unfortunately, she's expecting whatever it is to come at her from the side, leaving her standing right in the path of the book.

She bites her tongue hard when the book hits the top of her head. Her vision goes gray, but she manages to sit down on the floor before she falls down. Her expression twists in a grimace, the look deepening as she tries to look up to where the book had clearly come from. ]

Hello?

[mourning_ghost]

[Nageki winces when the book hits her.]

Sorry. [He flies down and picks up it up with his right wing, this time with a firmer grip. Aside from his abnormally large size (for the doves Caitlin would know about, anyway), he looks like any other mourning dove. But he is, unmistakably, talking.] Are you alright, miss?

[trigeminalheadache]

[ If she was at home, back in Central City, a talking dove would have given her great pause. Even now, she finds herself watching the bird curiously, wondering just how hard the book hit her head. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears from the pain, the ache of it running down her neck and into her shoulders.

Still, it's Wonderland. This has to be one of those impossible things to believe in that Barry had talked about. ] I'm okay. [ She's still wincing, but takes a chance to wipe her eyes. ] Just stings. Thank you for trying to warn me.

tea rooms, june 16

[shrinkage]

[ odd hours of the night are ray's cup of tea.

which is why there's a tiny man on a table in the tea room, tiny red and blue suit laid out beside him as he scoops some tiny sugar cubes into his tiny coffee mug. the table is as big as a banquet room to him, and he seems to be making good use of the space.

around him is a set up with a variety of things that mark him as in the middle of some sort of mechanical work and hardly being tidy about it.

when caitlin enters, she might not notice him right away until there's a tiny fizzling noise followed by a furl of smoke slowly making its way up toward the ceiling. the tiny man races from where he'd been eating, arms flailing and desperately wailing in his tiny voice: ]

No-- noo~!

[trigeminalheadache]

[ Caitlin's insomnia is equal parts can't sleep and not wanting to sleep. It's bad enough that she sees Zoom while she's awake, though, thankfully, it's not a constant, consistent problem. But when she closes her eyes, it's worse, because her nightmares mix the good, kind Jay she (thought she) knew with the man who held her captive.

She knows he isn't here, knows that she's safe from him here ... until Wonderland decides to pull him in too. There's a difference between knowing and knowing though, and until the gap between the two gets much smaller, she'll be what she can to get back on what small amount of sleep she can.

Caffeine should help with that. Though it's called a tea room, she knows it'll give her coffee. And it looks like she's alone, except someone's left a mess on one of the tables. A mess that's now ... smoking. And did someone just yell? ]

Oh my god. [ She picks up one of the cloth napkins and hurries over, ready to smother whatever is burning. ]

[shrinkage]

[ oh crap.

it's a hard choice to make, but ray dives out of the way of smothering -- if the parts get smashed while caitlin puts out the fire, he can rebuild them. if he dies, well, that's one down and who knows what actually happens after that in wonderland.

he somersaults, tiny body making almost no noise as he goes ass over heel, rolling into a setting of normal-sized silverware that clinks together and slides off the table before he finally comes to a rest. when ray stands, he's about the height of the tea cups that populate this room, and his voice comes out of caitlin's device: ]

Thanks! That was a close-- Dr. Snow? Oh, hey!

[ cue one tiny ray palmer waving up at her, voice coming from closer than it should be. ]

[trigeminalheadache]

[ Up close now, Caitlin can see (just briefly) that whatever this is, it's not the average mess or junk. She drops the napkin over where the smoke is coming from, pressing firmly but carefully. It's no easy feat; thankfully, though, this is more of a smolder than some raging inferno, and that allows her to manage not to smash anything.

At least, she thinks so.

She sets the singed cloth aside and moves to inspect her hand. Well, that was her intention until she hears that familiar voice, until she catches motion in her peripheral vision. ] Ray?

[ That ... that couldn't be him, could it? Cautiously, she leans in for a closer look at the tiny figure. ] Oh my god. [ There's a temptation to pick him up, like in a movie where giants pick up regular-sized humans or where regular-sized humans pick up the tiny ones.

She doesn't move, and right now, she's not questioning where his voice is coming from. ] Have you been stuck like this?

library.

[intelligently]

( The library is a familiar place of Lydia's - if she isn't there working then she can be found brushing up on some knowledge or researching. It's almost surprising that Lydia doesn't live there given the frequency that she spends in the library, but she manages to pull herself away at some points.

It also makes it easier to find people that are new there - she knows all of the regular faces so anyone else sticks out to her, especially ones that look confused (or perhaps worried) )

Are you okay? ( Although considering that the woman looks worried Lydia clarifies that, to ask about the library rather than her state of mind - though she'd rather know if the woman really is okay being new, and if something had happened, wasn't the easiest thing to pile on a stranger ) Maybe I can help you find something.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ With each passing day, Caitlin looks a little bit closer to her regular self. It helps that she's avoided being alone, though that doesn't always ensure that she stays anchored. It helps that she's able to resume some sense of routine, even if that's merely showering and eating and getting into inane conversations with Barry.

It helps that she's away from Jay.

None of it really absolves her fear and worry. Thawne is here, and if he's here, there's a very real chance that Zoom could tumble down the rabbit hole. (It's a momentarily amusing image, Zoom falling through the air, tumbling head over teakettle, falling for as long as Wonderland wants him to.)

So in coming to the library, she has a few options in mind of what she needs. But browsing just leaves her alone with her thoughts, and she's letting herself get distracted.

When the young woman speaks to her, there's a long, hard blink, like she's trying to shake off some tiredness. ] Yeah, um. [ Beat. ] I was looking for the medical texts? Something like Pfenninger and Fowler's Procedures for Primary Care.

[intelligently]

( There's a momentary pause as Lydia thinks over the woman's request before giving her a nod. She knows where the medical texts are, though that particular book- )

I don't know if we'll have that one. ( Even with the library being as big as it was ) Specific books from people's homes are harder to find, but there are a lot of medical texts here.

( Lydia's read parts of some to go with her studies. It's been more first aid to start with but it's a start )

Are you looking for a specific topic?

[trigeminalheadache]

I'm more — [ Caitlin tips her head to one side, considering the question. It's something she's thought of on the fly, really, though something along the lines would be welcome. ] Looking to review some things. Get my bearings with something old and familiar.

[ She shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, her fingers knotting together. Everything she's done so far in Wonderland has been about getting her bearings. Getting her feet back under her. Would she have this much trouble back home, if she was dealing with just recovering from her captivity? She's been hesitant to ask Barry and Iris for too much information. Even if she doesn't remember what they say when she gets back to Central City. ]

Do you think there might also be something about managing, um. Acute stress reactions?

[demonstrate]

[ iris west is a crime-fighting investigative journalist.

take away the newspaper and take away the crime-fighting, and there's still the reporter. she looks for the truth. she uncovers the secrets. she digs and she digs until she finds the treasure chest. she ignores warnings of her safety or the dangers and she charges forward. she's told herself that panicking will get her nowhere. she has to either wake up from this surreal dream, or she has to find the door that leads her back home. home to her family and her friends. she's needed, and it's the worst possible timing. she's looking for a sign, a yellow brick road (even if that's totally the wrong story), something when she happens upon — ]

Caitlin?

[ her voice rises an octave or two, iris stopping in her tracks. she remembers this look on caitlin's face. she remembers the pain and the fear. they'd still had to contend with zoom, so there hadn't been a chance to linger. once again, this doesn't make any sense, but she knows without a doubt it's caitlin. ]

[trigeminalheadache]

[ For a moment, Caitlin's sure she's imagining this. It wouldn't be the first time she's hallucinated seeing someone she cares about; in the alone and the quiet her mind would wander, and she would find herself lapsing into indulgent daydreams of just being home.

But this feels different. For as tired as she is, she's never been so awake. Underneath, there's still a hesitation, still a doubt, and maybe that might always be there. A lingering fear that everything she hears and sees and experiences is just a dream, and she'll wake up chained to that cot or handcuffed to that rail. ]

Iris. [ Her voice shakes, low and crawling with disbelief. Without asking, she steps closer and puts her arms around Iris in a tight hug. ]

[demonstrate]

[ iris doesn't hesitate.

no sooner caitlin has stepped closer, iris is enveloping her in an equally tight hug. she brings caitlin to her, the embrace comforting and protective. iris looks over caitlin's shoulder, taking in the clinic that she'd just emerged from. she lingers in the hug, only pulling back to search caitlin's face, as though she'll find the answers there. ]

It's me. I'm here, not that I'm sure where 'here' is just yet.

[ her hand keeps a hold of caitlin's arm. ] Are you hurt?

[Action, after June 16]

[widows_kiss]

[ Natasha had been on her way downstairs when a flash of movement caught the corner of her eye, a person slipping out of sight, and it's enough to pique her curiosity. Altering her course, she turns down the hall to peek in the doorway.

A young woman is within, tense and slim and looking.... haunted. Natasha knows that look, has seen it often in the past and recognizes it all too well.

She steps into the room but only far enough to clear the doorway, keeping herself fully visible to not cause alarm or imply threat. ]

Are you alright, Miss...?

[trigeminalheadache]

[ It's not been a good morning, a good day, so far for Caitlin. What little sleep she could garner is fraught with nightmares and comes in fits and starts. Something tells her that she shouldn't bother leaving her room, or, if she does, it should only be to knock on Iris's door or Barry's and ask if she can sit with them.

But she's determined to not let Zoom impede her getting along here.

The minute she sets foot outside her door, she regrets it. There's one of those impossible windows set into the wall nearly across from her, and as her eyes fall on her reflection, he appears. Her shoulders jerk and she holds her breath and she has to keep telling herself that it isn't real, he isn't real.

It lingers as an afterimage on her eyelids, but it passes enough that she can enough to slip back into her room. She idly rubs her chest, her hand over her heart, willing it to slow to something normal. And when she looks up, there's ... an unfamiliar face by the door. ]

I'm fine. [ It's become her mantra, her most-said words over the past few days, and they feel less and less true the more she says them. ] Just ... thought I saw something. Someone.

[widows_kiss]

[ Natasha absorbs that information with a slight tilt of her head, then glances behind her at the now-empty corridor. Not dismissively, but actively listening for any sign of danger or threat, or anyone lurking nearby. ]

The hallway is currently empty. [ She reassures the young woman, glancing back to her in understanding. ] Is there someone you're worried might be out there?

kitchen.

[startingpoint]

[ Kurt has only been here for a few weeks, but he's quickly adapted to this place; the normal, day-to-day functions of it, at least. He's yet to experience one of the terrible events he's heard about, which is a good thing for now. He'll enjoy the lull while he can. But he's well acquainted with the oddities here, the way he can simply ask for almost anything from the closet and receive it. He could do that right now, and satiate his strange, middle-of-the-night craving for pancakes in the comfort of his own room.

But pancakes are something he's good at making, and since he can't sleep, the act of doing something familiar takes his mind off all the thoughts scurrying around in his mind and disrupting his body's need for rest. He's only done this one other time, and he was alone then, so he's not expecting anyone else. But as he flips and plates three pancakes, Kurt happens to notice a young woman enter. Just a momentary glance at her expression tells him she's definitely new. She seems a little lost. And...nervous? Worried? That would make sense, being in a place like this. Not knowing if she would appreciate him drawing attention to her state of mind immediately, he opts for something light and easy: ]

Hungry?

[trigeminalheadache]

[ Nervous would be a word for her state as of late. Afraid, too, though with each passing day, Caitlin feels it less and less. Each passing day where Zoom doesn't show up, each day where she manages to avoid running across "Harrison Wells." But there's the underlying knowledge that time will run out on the latter — she can't avoid him forever, no matter how big the mansion is. The latter is less fear-inducing than the former. That will always stay with her, will always make her regret the nights she decides to stay in her room alone.

Like tonight.

She's made herself somewhat presentable for common areas, trading her pajamas for jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie and gathering her hair into a ponytail. Glancing at her watch, she realizes how long it's been since she's eaten, which would explain why her stomach's been rumbling since she woke up. She isn't necessarily expecting someone else to be in the kitchen, though she knows it's highly possible. There are a lot of people here, a lot of different sleep schedules. She smiles at the man, small and cautious, before answering. ]

Yeah. Middle of the night realization that I got distracted enough to forget dinner.

[ Not that she expects anyone to remedy that but herself, as she moves to the fridge nearby. ]

[startingpoint]

[ Kurt doesn't tend to be the chatty type, though when it comes to possibly helping someone else if they're in need of talking, or company, he's more inclined to do that than to ever talk about his own feelings. They're complete strangers, though, so he's not about to ask her for her life story. If she has questions or needs to talk about something, though, he'll do his best to make her feel like she can talk. ]

There's plenty here if you want any.

[ Seemed to make sense just to cook up a normal sized batch, and anyone could help themselves to leftovers if they wanted. ]