She thought he wasn't interested--until he said he would have to sex-ray her entire body!

[itsahotone]

Who: Santana, and anyone else your little heart desires.
Where: Everywherrrrre, muhahaha!
When: ...Thursday, I guess. It can go on as long as you want, baby.
Rating: R/nc17 for language. Don't blame ME, blame the magazine.
Summary: Santana's bored, so she's leaving Cosmo magazines around for everyone to find. Check out the sex tips!
The Story:

Look, a girl needs to find her own entertainment around here.

Don't ask how she got the idea, but since it was a brilliant and amazing one, she's just gonna go with it.

Post-event is always boring, so she's just gonna liven it up! That's all. It's helpful.

So she spends some time getting a bunch of issues of Cosmopolitan from the closet, then she spends way more time than needed going through them. She highlights and circles and even draws some arrows to the best parts, things that say stuff like:

Try this kinky trick: Color your nipples with a crazy-colored lipstick, like sparkly purple. Bonus points if it's yummy. He'll love the shocking, sexy change in scenery!

"I dated this guy who tasted really funky down there, but I didn't want to confront him about it. So I told him I was going to suck on a strong mint while going downtown to give him a tingly sensation... which he loved."

Wrap a belt around each of his thighs. This will push more blood into his penis, making his erection feel even harder.

Give yourself goose bumps by sweeping a new, clean toothbrush over the curves of your neck and collarbone.

This featherlight touch will have you both tingling: While still kneeling between his legs, dab flavored lube on your nipples. Then cup one of your breasts in your hand, and slide the top of your nipple from the bottom of his testicles to the tip of his shaft, circling the head and then sliding it back down.

Look at him as you run your chin from his chest to his crotch.

Put lube on your nipples, then trace circles on his bare back.

Flutter your eyelashes against his boys for a sweet little tease.

Have him squeeze lube onto his penis, then swirl your body over his shaft to spread it.

Keep a glass of ice water on the bedstand, and once you've both climaxed, take a drink, holding and swirling the cool liquid in your mouth before swallowing. Then immediately envelop his balls with your lips, one at a time.

...And etc etc.

Once that's all done, she goes around the mansion, all floors, indoors and out, and places the magazines in random areas. Some are open, some aren't. It's like an easter egg hunt, only hopefully with a lot more confusion and chaos!


[if you wish to actually speak to Santana, just make it clear in your tags, otherwise she's not around once your darlings find this magical and 100% correct advice.]

Comments

[brainkegger]

Buck snorts. "Yeah, we can probably all live in peace as long as junk doesn't go floppin' out."

He's got a pretty decent-looking sandwich now. Time to chow down.

[masukukunai]

Yousuke agrees, it is time to eat. He feels like Buck is the kind of guy that doesn't care about seeing a mouth full of food, so he keeps talking anyways.

"What's up with you then, huh? How long've you been here?"

[brainkegger]

"Not too long. But long enough to get that I ain't goin' anywhere." Shrug. "I'll live, I guess. Can't say this place is the worst I've seen. Wish it wasn't so faggy, though."

Faggy, swanky, whatever.

[masukukunai]

"You mean like ritzy?" Yousuke chews thoughtfully, "yeah, that gets old pretty fast. You, uh. You look like a outdoorsy kind of guy, so is that your thing?"

[brainkegger]

"Yeah. I've gone fishin' and huntin' a bit but it ain't the same, here." Not that Buck can say exactly what about it is different. Maybe the sense that the animals aren't real. Or the fear that they might start talkin'.

[masukukunai]

"S'tough when there's only the ocean, and the forest is haunted," which he just found out recently, much to his chagrin, "Not much to explore. I've been in every nook and cranny of the inside guts of the mansion too. It all starts to look the same the farther you go in."

[brainkegger]

"Haunted?" Buck scoffs a little. "You sure about that?"

[masukukunai]

"Yeah. My friend went in too far once, and it trapped him," he says, looking like he's lost his appetite for a moment, "He only got back because he died and the mansion revived him here."

[brainkegger]

Buck frowns. "That's-- that's fucked up on so many levels."

Buck drums his fingers for a moment, contemplative. "Does he know what it's haunted by?"

[masukukunai]

"No. It's probably just more mansion magic crap."

[brainkegger]

"Man, fuck this mansion. Fuck it hard with a rusty chainsaw."

[masukukunai]

Yousuke's face twists when he thinks about actually being fucked with a rusty chainsaw, but what the hell. He was right.

"I can totally agree with that."

[brainkegger]

"So." Munchmunch. "What kinda place're you from?"

[masukukunai]

"Japan. Not like Tokyo or anything... I live in the sticks. Rice paddies."

But he says it with fondness.

"I'm guessing you're American?"

[brainkegger]

That sounds borin'. But Buck figures that would be rude.

"Yep. Born 'n' raised. Kansas." Sandwich finished, Buck moves onto licking his fingers. "You ever been?"

[masukukunai]

"Haha, nah. My family went to Hawaii once when I was a kid, but I don't think that really counts as America. It was just a big resort."

[brainkegger]

"Hell no, it does not." Eyeroll. "Place is too fruity for me."

Oh. Wait. The kid's gay. "Not that there's anythin' wrong with that. Just not my thing."

SAVE.

[masukukunai]

Yousuke waves his hand in dismissal. He didn't categorize himself under "fruity" anyways... He'd figure out how he felt about that later.

"I know what you mean. Don't worry about it."

[brainkegger]

"Whatever." Buck proceeds to light up.