closed | i can't imagine a world with you gone

[interpersonal]

who | elena gilbert & other bonnie bennett lovers.
where | the mansion.
when | march 12 - 14th. shoot me a pm if you want something, too!
rating | nothing scandalous.
summary | a bennett witch is gone, and those left behind will feel her loss deeply. ✧
the story |



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Comments

the secret is not to dream; the secret is to wake up | freya & damon

[interpersonal]

( for a long time, it was just the three of them — bonnie, damon, and elena. they found a way to muddle through wonderland's senseless waters together. they became a real, if not dysfunctional, family unit. people would come and people would go, but as long as damon and bonnie were by her side, this world made sense. bonnie was the last one to accept what it meant to have that with a salvatore involved, but elena knew she embraced it the moment she told elena there was magic in threes.

and there is. there's magic in threes, except they are now down to two, and elena is resistant to accept that.

much like the first time bonnie disappeared, elena and damon looked everywhere. unlike the first time, bonnie's room was cleared out. all of it. the things that made the room bonnie's: its earthy tones, the smell of soil and candles, the colorful tapestries of the bed's quilt. it's all gone, as though bonnie was never here.

they want to be sure. elena needs to be sure. it's why she and damon walk hand-in-hand up to the second floor. bonnie was willing to do a spell during freya's disappearance precisely because of how much the older witch meant to her. for all her initial doubts and mistrust, elena has no doubt now that feeling is reciprocated.

elena glances to damon, lingering only for a moment, and then with her free hand, she knocks on freya mikaelson's door. )

the secret is not to dream; the secret is to wake up

[deathlessness]

[There's something about the mansion that feels different.

It's not that anything seems all that different in terms of an event or some kind of local shenanigans, but there's a loss there all the same, almost as though someone she was in tune with has disappeared. It's not as sudden as a death, not as violent, really, just a sense of something being missing.

It isn't until she opens her door and she finds Damon and Elena standing there that she realizes what it is.]

Well. This is a surprise.

[It shouldn't be, but it still is. Still, she steps to the side to welcome them in, revealing what is a comfortably decorated space with candles, crystals and other spell ingredients hidden easily in plain sight, where most people wouldn't realize it unless they were looking for it.]

Come in.

[That's mostly for Damon, as she doesn't know what the invite rules are, but never hurts to be safe.]

the secret is not to dream; the secret is to wake up

[eyething]

[ they searched, and they could find nothing. damon stuck close to elena as they tore through the mansion and even the outside of the mansion, the maze, and the forest, and- they've all gone missing during their time at wonderland (it had been more than a year for elena and bonnie), but their stuff was always in their room like some signal that they'd be back. and it made sense. the three of them made a little- a little group of their own. and this time? this time the room is as empty as if bonnie had never been in it, and it hurts. it hurts to see it empty for the first time in his stay, to search the halls and find nothing at all, no trace of her. the realization weighs heavily on him.

back in mystic falls, she'd been so angry at him. he abandoned her when she yelled at his face, because he was scaredof letting her down, scared she'd get herself killed for him. he tried to do right, but he's not built to do right. damon was trying to create their friendship with her too. it means so much to him. back in mystic falls, there aren't any guarantees especially with his stepping into an armory, losing himself to whatever the hell's inside of that thing. they'd have breakfast regularly, the three of them spent time together as they have for a long time being the first ones from mystic falls in wonderland for a little while before more showed up, and- and they were on their way despite their rough and rocky start in this place with a dark secret shared.

it was the first time a locator spell was used, and he's never quite been comfortable using them again, but every other time hasn't resulted in anyone's death so. it's all irrational fear on his part. they're here. his hand tightens in elena's, and his expression is grim though grateful at the invitation. he's had to be invited into rooms, as long as an event isn't taking place, so it's still a thing. he walks in, keeping his hand in elena's. his gaze darts up to freya. ]

Bonnie's missing.

the secret is not to dream; the secret is to wake up

[interpersonal]

( elena's heart sinks.

damon saying the words makes them all the more real. it's the first time someone does say them aloud, and it shouldn't surprise her that it's damon.

even when something hurts, he refuses to remain anything short of unflinching. still, it's hard not to think of bonnie at the sight of all those candles and the strong presence of freya's magic. she thinks, perhaps, that she'll find bonnie in everything for some time to come. )

Her room is empty, but people have said ... they've said that doesn't always mean someone is gone for good.

( she can hold on to that, right? at least for a little while. )

the secret is not to dream; the secret is to wake up

[deathlessness]

[If Freya is surprised by Bonnie being gone, she doesn't show it. This moment isn't about her, and she can at least recognize that much. She'll go through her own process of grief later, but she knows why they're here, and it isn't to be the bearer of bad news.]

I take it you're here for a locater spell, then?

go home again, so long as you understand home is a place you've never been | damon & caroline

[interpersonal]

( bonnie's room on the first floor may have been wiped out, but a secret room on the tenth floor is not.

you see, many, many moons ago, bonnie — along with damon and elena — claimed a room on the tenth floor. it was the least populated floor, and thus the most appropriate for their Room™. no one else currently knows of its existence — which was kind of the point, after what happened with the mikaelsons. it gave bonnie extra space to practice her new magic, and elena more room to train away from prying eyes. it's spacious, the room itself a hodgepodge of all three of them.

a reading chair for damon, along with a liquor cabinet filled with his favorite brands of bourbon. a mini magic-shop at the far end, crowded with incense and candles and potions for bonnie. a makeshift writing room for elena, a vintage typewriter and desk included. they spent a lot of days here, prior to so many of their friends arriving to wonderland. it was a world within a world, and it's where elena finds herself now, holding a crudely-crafted wooden box filled to the brim with white feathers. if she digs past the feathers, she finds precious keepsakes: the diary she gave bonnie upon first arriving, a black dagger, and a scrap of paper explaining how to add a new 'third' person to the secret room should bonnie ever leave.

there's other keepsakes, for other people bonnie loved, like damon and peter and caroline. elena wipes her wet cheek and carries them all back to her room, where she knows damon and caroline are waiting. caroline, especially, for the final verdict. it's with a heavy heart that elena shakes her head. now that freya has graciously helped them make sure bonnie isn't in wonderland, and her essence isn't lingering behind, thus making her return unlikely, she can confirm to her other best friend: )

I'm sorry, Care. ( bonnie is gone, and all three people in the room will be very upset about that. but elena knows that amidst pain, there is also promise. and somehow, they'll find a way to get through that, hopefully together. there's magic in threes, after all. )

go home again, so long as you understand home is a place you've never been | damon & caroline

[persevere]

[She doesn't need to ask. She knows immediately what that means.

Caroline tries not to let her face fall too heavily, but she's not entirely successful as she drags a hand through her hair, nodding her head slowly.]

It's not your fault, Elena. It just...sucks, you know?

[Not even because Bonnie went home. As far as she's concerned, maybe that's for the best. Being here can really suck sometimes, and she's not going to demand that anyone stay here just because she wants her friends around.

But if Bonnie can leave, one of the strongest people she knows, who's to say that after another few months, she won't be here all alone, trying to dodge Wonderland's tricks all by herself? It's terrifying to think about.

She lets out a heavy breath.]

I'm okay.

go home again, so long as you understand home is a place you've never been | damon & caroline

[eyething]

[ damon sits in a corner of the room near the fire. he looks up when elena enters, and the sight of her hits so swiftly across his chest that he almost can't breathe through it. this is hard. it's terrible for all of them, but it's- it's the worst for elena in ways she doesn't know, in ways no one knows but him. because if she does ever get back to mystic falls, she has a very limited time with bonnie. their lives are tied together in the worst way, and they won't see each other again.

he's finished half a bottle of bourbon at this point, gripping tight hold of it. his gaze darts over to caroline's face. there's an apology in his face, which he doesn't express out loud.

but he pushes himself up to his feet, making his way over to elena. caroline likely has her own bottle, which damon has handed over to her at this point. it takes so much for a vampire to really feel it. damon wraps his hand around elena's wrist, squeezing gently as he holds out the bourbon to her. ]

Looks like you could use a drink too.

go home again, so long as you understand home is a place you've never been

[interpersonal]

( it's not her fault. caroline says it, and elena knows it to be true. logically, it couldn't possibly be true. it still feels like it was her responsibility to keep them all together. she and bonnie arrived on the same day over a year ago. it's a failing, somehow, that she left and elena is still here. not to mention, she can't help thinking along the same lines: if the most powerful person in their group can be taken so easily, what hope is there for the rest of them?

elena smiles, albeit achingly, in damon's direction. ) Hold that thought.

( she gives damon's fingers a light squeeze, and sets her satchel on the foot of the bed. ) She left something for both of you. ( the first item she recovers is a stuffed bear that will be intimately familiar to both of them. they've all taken a go at miss cuddles, kai parker included, but its history lies with caroline and bonnie, and when (other) caroline first arrived, she retrieved it from the closets when she was missing her best friends. thus, elena hands miss cuddles to caroline. bonnie's orders.

if caroline is perceptive enough, she'll discover if not now, at some point, that there's something inside the stuffed animal. )

we have lived before, we will live again, always again | billy

[interpersonal]

( there's someone else that elena wants to check up on.

when all is said and done, she won't be the only person to miss bonnie like hell. elena and billy are close, but he and bonnie shared something special, something that perhaps goes beyond friendship. she was billy's best friend too, but it was more than that. billy gave bonnie someone to practice magic with. someone to help her feel a little less alone with it. she knows there was plenty that bonnie gave billy in return. they had each other and for that, elena will always be grateful.

it's with a certain measure of heaviness that elena goes to the magic study in search for billy. almost immediately, she is comforted by the scents and the look of it. it's like finding bonnie in every corner, in every potion, in every spell book. maybe she won't be entirely gone like they thought. )

Billy? ( elena's voice is soft as she moves forward. )

we have lived before, we will live again, always again

[actualwizard]

[ Elena isn't who he's expecting to stop by but she's welcome all the same. He turns to say hi, but he catches her face- her expression. He knows that expression, even if he's never seen it on Elena before. Its the 'I have to tell you something that I really wish I didn't have to tell you' look. He's familiar with it- and all of a sudden he knows why she's here.

He swallows before speaking, even if he knows he wants to hear her say it, just so maybe it won't be real for a few more moments. He can pretend to still be waiting for her to barge into the room in the way only Bonnie can; pretending to turn his floor into Lava and accidentally exploding that will smell horrible. ]

Hey Elena.

we have lived before, we will live again, always again

[interpersonal]

Hey, Billy. ( her smile wavers, brittle as it is in her effort to comfort. it makes her heart ache that he should be expecting it; that he should understand loss as deeply as she does. and it is a loss. elena will see bonnie again if she's sent back home. billy doesn't have that guarantee. )

Bonnie ...

( her voice trails off, throat suddenly pinched tight. she finds she can't say the words just yet. )

we have lived before, we will live again, always again

[actualwizard]

[ He closes his eyes briefly, the grief hitting him hard- harder than he had expected. He saves Elena the pain of having to say it, she's dealing with enough pain. ]

She's gone, isn't she?

[ His voice cracks at the end of the sentence. He knows he's going to feel this loss as deeply as he felt Wanda's. Someone he loved and cared about and who understood him without question. Bonnie could make him laugh like very few people could, she made being in Wonderland that much easier for all the moths she had been there. And wonderland had seen fit to rip her away from them- him, just like it seemed to do everyone else. ]

open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close | peter

[interpersonal]

( peter lives on the sixth floor.

she knows this because peter is her friend, and they've spent many nights in that room researching together, sharing their notes and a box of pizza. he'd let her pick the toppings even if he wasn't crazy about them, because that's who peter is. the only time they've spoken after the whole scientist debacle was during an awkward phone conversation, wherein they both asked the other if they'd seen bonnie. peter is the person who tends to see bonnie the most, so that alone was a red flag.

elena has to acknowledge the facts. they're right in front of her, and there comes a time when she can no longer do anything but accept them. bonnie is gone, and if she doesn't come back, peter is never seeing her again. if elena never leaves wonderland, she may not see bonnie again, either.

or remember her, due to wonderland's penchant for stealing memories, but she doesn't go there. can't go there.

this whole thing makes their argument seem while not less important, certainly not a reason to keep each other at arm's length. besides, elena has something for peter, and she knows that bonnie would want him to have it. so up to the sixth floor she goes. knockity knock. )

open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close

[saved]

[ the month had been terrible before the event. he messed up one of his closest friendships from the start, had his trust broken in another newer friendship which fell to pieces, quit the side job he'd had to try to keep himself occupied, made a huge, dangerous mess. he tried to navigate it all, tried to do what's right, tried to work out the in between of his heart and his head.

after the event, peter seeks out bonnie like he always does. they'd sleep together after expending all that energy doing what they do best (she'd use her magic, he'd use his powers), and then they'd wake up and take care of each other and hang out and unwind. and it's what- what got peter through after those events. it was her.

this time he went to her room, and- and she wasn't there. all her stuff was gone, and so was she. it was like the floor had caved out from underneath him, like it turned into one big abyss that swallows him whole.

he searched. god, he searched like hell even understanding what it meant that her room was empty.

his heart breaks, shatters. did he ever get to tell her he loved her? no. stupid words held back by an abandoned kid too afraid to let them out. and now it's too late. and eventually, there's nowhere left to search. no one left to ask.

he holds up in his room, trying to throw himself into making those improvements on his web shooter (and notes on how the hell this place works and what they've learned and questions), but he keeps fucking it up which means stacks of broken equipment and crumpled up papers from notes made and rewritten.

the sound of the knock surprises him, and he moves to the door, opening it and then sucking in a breath at the sight of elena there. ]

...Elena, hey.

open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close

[interpersonal]

( elena had anticipated this would be hard.

she had not anticipated the sight of peter's face slamming into her like a punch to the gut.

bonnie left her diary for elena to keep. she trusted elena with her innermost, private thoughts. she thinks, perhaps, she has never understood bonnie bennett better than she does now that she's read those entires. she knows, without doubt, that she has never loved bonnie more. elena has a deeper understanding of everything now: bonnie's feelings for peter, her kinship to damon, how she related to her magic and the world around her. how she related to caroline and elena.

mostly, she understands how much bonnie loved peter and how much that feeling was returned.

it's how she knows, along with her own intimate experiences with grief, there are no words that can possibly soften this blow. there is nothing she can say or do that will make this hurt less. pain is the cost of living, and today, pain is the cost of loving bonnie. peter will never regret that.

wordlessly, elena steps forward and locks her arms around peter's neck, bringing him over to her so that she can embrace him. )

open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close

[saved]

[ peter blinks abruptly when she pulls him in, winding her arms around him. he closes his eyes against the sudden, abrupt burn in his eyes. he's immediately brought back to the- the last moment that he was hugged when gwen wrapped her arms around him in the hallway, and he couldn't- he couldn't hug her back, because she didn't understand. she didn't know his uncle. she didn't know that his uncle would have been alive if peter had simply acted. he didn't.

he didn't.

but elena understands. peter and bonnie talked a lot about their lives before, their lives here, and it was clear to him that bonnie loved elena. elena is family for bonnie, and he knows that feeling goes both ways. it was elena who came to him after- after. who made sure he got his memories back no matter what, who told him he wasn't alone

when peter is very used to building walls around himself for exactly that. to be alone, to prevent himself from being abandoned in the future.

it's why he reaches up after a moment, expression crumpling, arms locking around her back as he hugs her in return. because he knows nothing- nothing will make up for this loss and this pain, and if she doesn't go home, she doesn't get to see bonnie again. and he won't. either. if she doesn't come back within a month, he'll never see the bonnie he knows and who knows him and loves him again.]

[closed] Broken hearts club | Billy & Peter

[actualwizard]

[ Billy doesn't always find himself seeking people out and checking up on them (he's self involved, he's working on it), but he seeks out Peter a few days after Bonnie disappears.

He knows how much Peter meant to Bonnie and he can't imagine Peter didn't feel the same. Billy knows what it's like to lose the person you love here, to have them suddenly disappear without a goodbye. Maybe he'll get to see Teddy again but the Bonnie Peter knew is gone. Even if she comes back she won't remember them. Billy also knows what that feels like.

So he's outside Peter's door a bottle of whiskey and a pint of ice cream in hand- he's not sure which Peter would rather. And he's knocking, hoping the other is there and he's not just standing in the hall with melting ice cream. ]

[closed] Broken hearts club

[saved]

[ Peter has mostly stayed in his room. He hasn't gathered together any of Bonnie's things yet. He likes them being exactly where they are, where she left them. His room has become a mess of crumpled up papers and projects, but he's there when Billy knocks. His hair is a mess as it tends to get whenever he's stressed out.

He steps over to the door and then opens it, blinking abruptly, when he realizes it's Billy there. A different sort of ache slams into his chest, because of course, he knows how important Bonnie was to Billy (how important Billy was to her). ]

Billy, hey. Uh. Come in.

Broken hearts club

[actualwizard]

[ He gives Peter an attempt at a smile as he walks passed him into the room. ]

Hey. I thought maybe you might want some company. You can totally kick me out if you don't, but I've found its better not to be alone when...well people we love go home.

Broken hearts club

[saved]

Yeah. That'd be- that'd be nice. [ Peter closes the door to his room, turning to look at Billy, even as he winces. He's probably been holed up in his room for too long, because he's suddenly stumbling over everything resembling words.

Maybe it's part knowing how deeply Billy feels this loss too, and if Bonnie does come back, chances are high she won't remember them, either of them. ]

How've you been?

if my armor breaks i'll fuse it back together.

[lamiae]

Elena?

[ something's wrong. she can feel it. a sharp, dull tug on her subconsciousness that whispered to her and reached out with an invisible hand to guide her feet in the direction of the other girl before her. ]

if my armor breaks i'll fuse it back together.

[interpersonal]

( elena isn't expecting anyone. it's why she finally allows herself to not have it together. she's been doing her best to focus on making sure everyone is okay, and now that the quiet has settled in and elena is left with nothing but a box of feathers, she slowly unravels.

beckett's voice has her looking up, quick to wipe her cheek with her palm. ) Beckett, hey.

if my armor breaks i'll fuse it back together.

[lamiae]

[ she kneels down next to her. ] What happened?

[ no need to inquire if something's wrong or not, because beckett knows it is. with absolute certainty that she can't put a real name to, she knows. and not just by the desolate look on her friend's face. ]

if my armor breaks i'll fuse it back together.

[interpersonal]

Bonnie's gone. ( the words are bittersweet on her tongue. bonnie isn't the only one, but she is the one that beckett knows. one of elena's shoulders lifts in a helpless shrug, as though to convey she understands it happens. wonderland is a revolving door. people come and people go. )

I just never thought ... ( she never thought it would be bonnie, for some reason. )