entrancelogs | + Wanted to get it real home-like... +

Entry tags:

+ Wanted to get it real home-like... +

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: ANYT-- Friday, February 20 to Monday, February 23
Rating: An average PG-13? (Consider warning for explicit sexual or violent content in your thread's subject line)
Summary:
For the duration of this event each character will discover that their room has been replaced with one of their own memories, one that they find themselves particularly happy or "at home" in. More information can be found here.

This log is an opportunity for your characters to describe the memory playing in their room, so that other characters might visit, and watch the scene unfold. To help browse the collection better, please include your character's name, and their room number in the subject line (e.g. Seta Souji - 100, 6th floor) of your top-level comment.

Rooms/Comments may be locked to certain people, or be available for all to see & visit. Log participation is completely and entirely voluntary.

Have fun!

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Dean won't remember Naomi, boarding up Hell, and the houseboat, but Sam does. Admittedly, he'd made a point of deciding not to barge into people's memories like this, but... he's still very human, and is the tiniest bit curious about the things that really make one of his best friends happy.

Which, seeing this... is a little confusing. He observes the scene with a slight frown, an odd feeling welling up in his chest.

Until he sees Cas sitting in the back of the car.

"Cas--" Sam starts, but falls short, seeming oddly conflicted about... something. The younger Winchester looks back at the scene, at the memory that he shares with the angel, and then tries again.

"... Why this?"

At first, Castiel doesn't pay Sam much mind. He's a part of the memory, and it takes a second to realize that he's not following his script, so to speak. It's easy to lose track in a place like this, a place that so closely resembles Heaven.

Not that Castiel will ever get to enjoy something like this when he dies. He has very little idea of what happens to angels when they're destroyed. From what he understands, they simply cease to exist, no afterlife available to them. Maybe that's for the best.

He opens up the door and slips out of the car, shutting it behind him and then leaning against it as he considers Sam's question. He takes a look around. There's nothing particularly special about the setting, and it might seem like just another day in the life to Sam. But it's got greater meaning for Castiel.

"I've told you before that I would rather be working alongside you and Dean than handling affairs in Heaven," he starts. "This was the closest I got to having that." Before it all fell apart on him, that is. He's not sure what his future holds, but as far as he's aware, this is the best that it gets.

"This day, really?" It isn't judgmental or condescending; Sam has always been curious and interested in angels and, though it lost some of the sparkle once they wanted to kill him, he'd always kept that enthusiasm for Cas. Even if it didn't always show through the stress and daily struggles, their friend is still an angel, despite everything. And aside from being close with he and Dean, he's a friggin' angel.

"I just thought we'd had more fun... other times, I don't know. Not that I can think of any, but I'm sure they exist." His lip twitches in a little smile and he glances over at Cas, then at the other two figures in the memory.

"It's not entirely about having fun," Castiel tries to explain as he crosses his arms loosely over his chest. It's slightly awkward speaking over the voices of Sam and Dean's recordings, but Castiel isn't that intent on leaving either. Not like when the demons had shown up here, or Lucifer. Sam is a part of this, he can stay as long as he wishes.

"There are other times I went on hunts with you, yes, but I would have something else plaguing my thoughts. Some other obligation to see to." First it had been Heaven, of course. After his rebellion, it was the search for God, and then his civil war with Raphael. There had always been something that made his interactions with the Winchesters bittersweet.

Granted, technically that's the case here too. Naomi had been influencing his thoughts, but without his knowledge, so at the time he'd been content. Even happy.

"Here, I thought... I would be able to continue hunting with both of you indefinitely."

"... That makes sense." He'd been quiet throughout the explanation, switching between watching Cas' expression and glancing at the scene, but he feels almost... embarrassed for the question, has sudden clarity as to why this would be important. Sam looks contemplative, himself, arms crossed as he turns forward again and thinks it over.

"I guess we don't have a lot of those moments, really," he says slowly. "Where we're not all thinking about whatever other crap is going on, or... how many bodies are dropping around us. I can get why you'd want to come back here."

His own scene had been a little like that, back in Bobby's house. Simpler times.

"Didn't mean to say it wasn't important."

It's not as if Castiel had been offended in the first place, and so when Sam tries to apologize, he only shakes his head. He can see why this might seem like an odd choice, but after having spent a good amount of time in this room, he doesn't have any protest to Wonderland's choice.

This may be one of the only decent things that it's done.

"We're allowed something like it here," he says after a pause, relenting. It's not easy for him to admit that there's anything he likes about this place, but he's been worn down over the months and months spent here. "Though there is always some concern. Whether it's the jabberwocky or the next event..." At least there are also times when they can enjoy each other's company.

Castiel glances over at Sam then, with a reserved kind of curiosity. He's not certain he should ask, but... "Have you seen your room yet?"

"Yeah, that's true. Even though we've got some pretty bad events and stuff here, and the whole 'bleak future' thing... I mean, you're right; around that, we can just... I dunno, be here. I'm never really sure whether I want to go or stay, but, man... I'm glad we've at least had this time."

Sam tilts his head slightly, frowning.

"At home, even when we don't have something big going on, we've always got work to do or something to worry about. It's almost like a vacation, sometimes, being here. Frustrating, no less dangerous, but... y'know?"

He doesn't have to ask; Cas has expressed the notion himself. At the question about his own room, Sam chuckles with a sort of wistful smile.

"Yeah, it's Bobby's house. Just a day there, I don't even remember when."

Three years ago, maybe more? He scoffs, shaking his head.

"Now that's a real vacation, going back there."

This is hardly the first time that Sam has expressed uncertainty over whether he preferred this place over their home world. It's a sentiment that Castiel had originally balked at, but he's come to accept it more over time. He still believes that duty would decide for him, were he ever given the choice, but that's not how Wonderland works to begin with.

Someday, they may find their own way out of here, and then there will be some difficult decisions to make.

There are still things to worry about here as far as he can tell, but it's no longer the three of them against the world. There's a much larger sense of community in this place, one Castiel hasn't felt since his earlier days in Heaven. Even now, he remains on the outskirts of it.

When Sam explains the contents of his room, Castiel's expression darkens. A place that no longer exists, with a man who is no longer alive, but hopefully safe somewhere in Heaven.

"I may have to go see it for myself," he says. It will be a melancholy sort of experience, but still worth it in some way that Castiel can't quite explain. He glances up, and adds at a delay: "If you don't mind."

'Hopefully safe somewhere in Heaven,' for sure, considering it'd been revealed that he had lingered as a ghost, then been taken to Hell, and then finally was allowed to Heaven with Naomi's help.

Dammit, Crowley.

"'Course not, man, you're more than welcome there. I'm just glad you got to see the real thing before it all went up."

Dammit, Leviathan.

"It's almost boring compared to some of the stuff around here. Dean's working on the car outside, Bobby's researching... something, I'm trying to figure out what, because he doesn't say it aloud in the loop. But it's actually quiet."

What Bobby may or may not be researching likely isn't the point. It's just like Sam to fixate on that detail, but what really matters is the familiarity of it all. That it was something comfortable, something Sam had learned to take for granted before it all got ripped away.

It appears that Castiel's room is one of the few that isn't entirely bittersweet, that isn't populated with ghosts.

"It sounds pleasant," Castiel agrees. It would allow him a nice reprieve from everything else going on in the mansion right now. He's had to view a few of his sibling's rooms and that's been something of a trial.

Not to mention the other half of this event. Castiel lets out a sigh and glances over at Sam again. "Have you noticed that some of your emotions are not your own lately?"

Well, that's a concerning question. Sam does a double-take at Cas, raising a brow in a sort of dubious, almost concerned expression.

"Uh-- No?" But as he answers... there's a weird twinge just beneath the surface, and, oddly, what the angel said makes sense with some of what he's been experiencing. Yes, he's enjoying being in this memory, has liked what he's seen in others', but... it's true, there've been a few moments when what he was seeing, talking about, or even thinking has not added up to what's bubbling beneath the surface.

It isn't worrying, exactly, but it's confusing.

"... Actually, yeah, maybe. A little. I thought it was just me."

As it usually is.

Of course Sam would assume that. He's been through so much as a hunter, has been yanked this way or that, plagued with addictions or a literal devil on his shoulder. It had also taken some time for Castiel to put the pieces together, but after enough time spent around Crowley, it had become painfully clear.

"It seems that everyone's affected," he says, exhaling a small sigh as he shifts away from the scene of his memory. As if he doesn't want to taint it with more unfortunate news.

"Actually pinpointing who you're linked to might take some luck, however." Castiel's not sure if some people are being paired off with complete strangers, but he certainly wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

"Yeah; it isn't like we can just say 'who else is feeling vaguely nostalgic' and figure it out that way."

He admits a sigh, leaning back in his seat with a slight frown.

"D'you know who your... person is, yet?" Is that the right word? Sam glances out into the memory scene for a moment, trying to figure out if there'd been anything telling in his own thoughts and emotions since the rooms changed, but... no, not really. Something was different, but not enough so that he could identify it so quickly.

The moment that question is asked, it's as if all the air's been sucked out of Castiel. His shoulders slump, his head bows, but as much as he wishes it weren't the case, this is the state of things. It may be for the best that Sam knows, so that he doesn't take any sudden mood swings to heart.

"Crowley," he says with the most long-suffering sigh he can muster. "Demons are a maelstrom of feelings, it turns out." Not that he's that surprised by that revelation. They were once human, after all.

If Sam hadn't picked up on his misplaced feelings, then perhaps he's been paired off with someone less moody. Which is something Castiel can be glad for -- Sam deserves a break.

Oh. Well. As much as it isn't an enormous surprise, Sam raises his brows and nods slowly, trying to imagine what a scene with Cas and Crowley, emotions swapped, would play out like.

And then stops. Yikes.

"... Gotcha. And, yeah, they're a maelstrom of... something."

He'd seen Crowley's 'emotions' firsthand as they'd tried to cure him and then in the following relapse. It had been disturbing, to say the least.

"You okay? I mean, is it... uh, bad?"

It is bad, in that it's a lot to try and fend off when he's also trying to put his attention to the various memories that have sprung up, but it's not as if he'd outright tell Sam that.

"I'm learning to manage it," he replies instead, with a small shrug. There's not much else that can be done about the situation until the event has passed, and if nothing else, Castiel has learned how to endure things.

"He's jealous a lot. And angry," he admits. Sometimes Castiel will feel an emotion he's familiar with, but it will be a different brand of it, like it's drawn in another shade from what he's used to. It's strange, to say the least.

"If your condition isn't as noticeable, then you should be glad for it."

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+ Wanted to get it real home-like... +

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