entrancelogs | + Wanted to get it real home-like... +

Entry tags:

+ Wanted to get it real home-like... +

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: ANYT-- Friday, February 20 to Monday, February 23
Rating: An average PG-13? (Consider warning for explicit sexual or violent content in your thread's subject line)
Summary:
For the duration of this event each character will discover that their room has been replaced with one of their own memories, one that they find themselves particularly happy or "at home" in. More information can be found here.

This log is an opportunity for your characters to describe the memory playing in their room, so that other characters might visit, and watch the scene unfold. To help browse the collection better, please include your character's name, and their room number in the subject line (e.g. Seta Souji - 100, 6th floor) of your top-level comment.

Rooms/Comments may be locked to certain people, or be available for all to see & visit. Log participation is completely and entirely voluntary.

Have fun!

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[ dean looks at cas for a beat.... ]

You're curious. [ he can read the obvious off cas' face easily enough, and he doesn't really blame the angel. he's poked his head into a few rooms out of curiosity as well, some of it working out well, some not. ]

I don't need you to do that. [ a part of him does, really does, but it feels a little wrong. if this is how wonderland wants to play, then dean'll guard his memory the old fashioned way until it all goes away. and maybe he should be used to it, sure, but there's something a lot more unpleasant about the people of wonderland seeing what's behind the door rather than just those in heaven or sam-- or even cas.

which pauses him as he considers the next bit. ]

I'd say I'll show you mine if you show me yours, but.... [ he's not moving. ] I ain't gonna stop you if you wanna take a look.

[ maybe it's an odd peace offering, or something, after their dumb argument. ]

[A peace offering, indeed. Castiel takes it as such. They don't need to get onto the topic of Wonderland's vampire population, not now. Castiel isn't in the mood for a fight (not that he ever is), given that they're actually surrounded by good memories right now.

He has no qualms about letting Dean see his room. Dean is a part of it, after all, even though it's something that takes place in his future. So Castiel nods in agreement.] I can take you there, afterward.

[But given that they're already in front of Dean's door, it makes sense to start here. Castiel eyes it, but doesn't move toward it, expecting that Dean will open it as soon as he's ready.

He tries to brace himself for what he might see, but if he's honest, he really has no idea what Dean's room will hold.]

Alright then.

[ alright, alright. dean heaves a quiet sigh, turning back to the door he's been guarding. it takes him a moment before he moves though, a second to press away the anxiety over sharing his memories with someone-- even cas. it's not that he's ashamed of what's on the other side, but...

fuck, getting personal with anyone has never really gone over well with dean.

but here goes.

he pushes inside, the door opening up to what would normally be his room, but has now turned into a small, homey looking kitchen. it's, of course, all too familiar to dean, as is the memory that loops again from the beginning, with mary's voice ringing softly through the air as she inquires him about his sandwich preferences.

dean huffs quietly then, never quite over being able to just look at his own mother as if she's actually alive, and then draws his eyes away from her and instead turns to look at cas.

sam is the only other person to have seen this memory, back in heaven, and while dean won't say cas should feel honored that he's sharing this, he hopes it'll smooth over the bumps they've faced lately. ]

[Castiel can sense that hesitation on Dean's part, and he doesn't think that it's faked, or for the point of being dramatic. It appears to be genuine, and while Dean has been known to become embarrassed about certain parts of himself, this isn't quite the same.

Whatever lays behind those doors is deeply personal, and Dean showing him is a sign of trust. Castiel is sensitive to that, he understands just how significant this is, and it does help to smooth over their argument. They always seem to work past their fights. It doesn't mean they won't have another in the future, but at least they can always work it out at the end of the day.

He follows him inside, and while the setting is unexpected, the moment that Castiel spots Mary it all makes sense. Castiel has never had the chance to interact with Mary himself, but he did almost kill himself sending Dean to the past a time or two, and he'd also seen Eve wear her form. Granted, she looks much younger here. Almost as if she's untouched by the hunter life, though Castiel realizes that isn't true.

He remains quiet, watching the scene play out and taking note of the argument that plays out between Mary and who he assumes must be John. Even this far back, when Dean had been so young and so unaware of the dangers that awaited him in life, it hadn't been idyllic.

It's Mary's final words that pull a reaction out of him, and Castiel glances over at Dean.] Her little angel. [He isn't teasing. If anything, the smile he wears is warm.]

[ dean doesn't really know what to expect from cas seeing the memory. the uncertainty has him linger about, watching both mary and cas every few seconds, though all he finds is mary going about as she is looped to, and cas watching with that normal intensity of his.

and maybe he does expect some teasing, though he should know better by now. so when instead he finds warmth all over cas' face, dean visibly relaxes some, and ends up smiling just a fraction. ]

She had a thing about angels. Used to say they're watching over me every night. [ now that dean knows everything about heaven, lucifer and michael, it all seems a little creepier... and after what he'd seen happen when cas had sent him back in time, he wonders if some of it might have stemmed from that. funny how everything in his life has to be tainted by the supernatural. but there's no real point in dwelling on it, none of it matters now.

stepping closer to the memory, mary is back by the table and dean almost wishes he could reach out and just take her from the memory. instead, it continues as it has so many times by now, and dean can't quite look at cas as he speaks again. ]

Sometimes I wish she'd show up here... which probably doesn't gain me a lot of points in the good people department.

[Angels watching over him. Well, it's not inaccurate, given that all of Heaven would have been keeping an eye on Michael's true vessel. Not that Castiel had been made aware of that until Dean had become his mission years later.

So Dean could take something bad out of it, or he could consider that there are angels watching over him even now. Or rather, one angel. Michael and Lucifer aside, one of Castiel's main goals here is to keep Dean, Sam, and his other friends safe as a true guardian.

Not that he always succeeds in that task.]

I do make it a habit of watching you, yes. [It's said more or less as a joke, but that doesn't make it any less true. Castiel observes as Dean looks Mary over with a sort of longing that can only be found in the gaze of a lost child. He lets out a small breath at Dean's words.]

I'm certain she would also be thrilled to have the chance to see you again. I don't think that it would make you selfish. Besides, your mother seemed to be the resilient type. She was a hunter, the same as you. She could handle this place.

[ his eyes might be on mary, but dean still snorts. ]

You must be drownin' in chicks with lines like that. [ there's a smile again though, small and tugging at the corner of his mouth. it's been long since the idea of cas getting his stalker wings on bothered dean, though at times it's still jarring to find the angel there when he wakes up and cas has decided it's time for a visit.

it's the part about mary being more than capable of handling wonderland that sets off something warmer in his chest, mostly because dean knows it's absolutely true. to him mary had always just been a mom, fierce in a way only a mother can be, but still someone to be protected. it hadn't been until he'd learned of her past that he'd realized she really didn't need much protection... of course, that still hadn't saved her from death, which is why having her here would be stressful. people die all the time, and dean's not sure if he could handle watching mary go through that.

but cas' faith in her is still... appreciated. even if dean still feels like he shouldn't wish for her to be here.

it's enough to have dean turn away from mary, who is back by the phone, and look to cas. a quiet second passes, then dean steps back closer to the angel. there's some tugging desire to reach out and touch him, just a brief hint of that something which a part of him wants to act on. he feels so stupid after their texting argument, honestly, so this whole memory thing has been a lot nicer than dean would have anticipated. instead of acting on anything though -- his mom is in the room, and all -- he only wets his bottom lip and looks at him, because you know what, sometimes it really is nice to just look. ]

Thanks, Cas.

Edited 2015-03-02 06:54 (UTC)

[It's not as if Castiel has any kind of desire to be drowning in chicks, so that's fine. (Perhaps he would be more interested if Dean in fact meant baby chickens, but he doesn't.) The fact is that he already has too many emotions to juggle, between what he feels for Dean and what he does his best not to feel for Meg. It's rarely discussed these days, but that doesn't mean that any of it has faded.

Granted, this event has thrown all of his emotions into disarray, as so many times he's instead experiencing Crowley's feelings. It's not been a pleasant few days for that reason, and while he's more or less figured out which emotions to ignore, it's still frustrating.

At least that seems to have calmed down as of late, Crowley's emotions mainly replaced with relief and fondness, something that Castiel would rather not think too hard on. Though he hasn't forgotten what he saw in Crowley's room, which is something else he needs to bring up with Dean.

Not just yet, though. For the moment, they're focused on Mary -- at least up until the point when Dean is focused on him. Castiel can almost sense Dean's urge to reach out for him, but in the end it's their eyes that do all the work, just like always. He doesn't mind.]

You're welcome. [Eventually his gaze does drift back to Mary, and he can't help but wonder how soon after this moment does Azazel crash into her life. He doesn't ask Dean, but instead eyes him with a look tinged with sympathy.] And I'm sorry for everything that happened to her. [It's not as if Castiel had been directly involved, and yet somehow he wishes he'd been able to stop it -- all of it -- so Sam and Dean could have lived normal lives.]

[ dean looks away from cas slowly, eyes tracking back to mary. he could spend all day in here, watching her loop through the same old motions, ask him the same questions, talk with the same hushed frustration at john... and be fine with all of it.

but as much as it might be his memory, the moment isn't real anymore. ]

Same. [ mary winchester could have potentially had a great life, a normal life-- the life she always wanted. if it hadn't been for the angels, for the bloodlines they had all seemed too interested in -- if it hadn't been for himself or even sam -- then things could have been different. too bad they don't ask you whether you want to be born or not before you're coming out.

another beat of silence passes again, though this time dean keeps his gaze on mary. ]

I think Sam was upset he wasn't a part of this memory. [ at least he had seemed disappointed in heaven. dean can understand that, too, since it meant no attention from their mom, something sam has lacked all his life. ] But from what I heard, his ain't so bad either.

[ something about a simple day at bobby's. ]

[There's nothing that any of them can do to give Mary more of a chance at life. Her death is written in stone and has been for some time, which means that Dean only ever gets fleeting moments like this one. Castiel's opinion is that he should enjoy it as much as he can until it's gone.

He can also understand now, why Dean had been guarding the door. There are certain people here in Wonderland who doesn't deserve to see this. They wouldn't give it the right amount of respect.

Castiel has already spoken with Sam and heard about his room, and so he nods. Of course, that memory also centers around someone who's dead. The Winchesters don't have very good luck with keeping the rest of their family alive...]

He's a part of my memory. [He shrugs. It may not mean as much, but it's the truth, plain and simple.] So are you.

[Which really shouldn't come as any kind of surprise to Dean. Castiel hasn't exactly been shy about his opinion that he would pick the Winchesters over his own siblings nine times out of ten.]

[ he's a part of my memory. so are you. ]

Wait, seriously?

[ he really shouldn't be surprised-- heck, a part of him isn't, and yet dean still looks at cas sharply at the mention of his memory involving both winchesters, surprise very much present on his face. cas picking them over his less than stellar family? sure, yeah, dean would be offended if he didn't, but as a great, good memory?

...hm.

over the years since meeting cas in the barn for the firs time -- or hell, though god only knows dean doesn't remember shit about that elevator trip -- they've had their moments, both good and bad. things have been a lot more strained as of late though, back home. between dick and his leviathans, and cas losing all his marbles.... there hadn't been a whole lot of good. so for cas to still find something he considers among his best memories-- it feels nice. surprising.

really surprising. especially considering.... ]

And here I thought-- I mean, I saw... [ he could have wagered a guess as to what cas' memory would be, and, well it definitely didn't include him or sam. but he doesn't get the words out, eventually trailing off with a less than explanatory; ] ...huh.

[As far as Castiel's concerned, Dean shouldn't be that shocked. He's never made it much of a secret, the fact that he prefers their company above anyone else's. He doesn't relate to most of his siblings anymore. When he tries to explain free will to them, when he tries to force them to spread their wings a little wider, they look at him with blank, confused expressions.

And that's the best case scenario. More likely, they try to stick an angel blade between his ribs.

Who else would there be? His feelings toward Meg are far too mixed up for her to factor in, and he can never entirely forget some of the crimes she's committed, the friends of his who she's gotten killed. There's a lot of guilt wrapped up in how he feels for her, and so that leaves the Winchesters.

The stunned expression on Dean's face doesn't fade even after a few moments have passed, and he seems to have lost his ability to string together a sentence as well. Castiel tilts his head at him, curious what he'd had in mind.]

What is it?

[ ...don't tilt your fucking head at him.

dean's realizing he might have made a mistake here, going along with what was simply a thought as if it were fact, and now he has to explain himself. instead of doing so, he shifts a little in his place, looking like he might want them to leave the room, leave mary to her business. his mom doesn't need to hear all this, real or not.

another second of hesitating and dean does start off towards his door, knowing cas will follow. his words come with a shrug. ]

It's nothing, I'm just-- surprised, I guess. There was... I saw another room, so I thought-- [ or he'd gone ahead and largely assumed when he shouldn't have. ]

Meg's room. [ or, you know, the memory within. of her and cas looking like two peas in a pod, flirting in some weird way only a demon and angel really can. dean had never seen that side of them. ] I mean, it would've made sense, since you both looked so cozy, that-- you know what I mean. You looked pleased in it, so... mutual memories, or something.

[ at least he hadn't assumed it was a picnic with cas' heavenly family? there's that... ]

And let's be real here, I know we've had our good times, but we've also had a ton of bad.

[ dean knows he puts cas through the wringer more than anyone most of the time, and sam tends to side with him when it comes to that. ]

[No, this room really isn't the place to be having this conversation, and it's all looped several times by now. Castiel's seen everything he needs to here, and so he follows Dean out, carefully closing the door behind him. He assumes that Dean will want to remain on guard duty, so he doesn't make any attempt to move further away. They can have this conversation in the hall -- there don't seem to be any mirrors too close to them.

It takes some time for Dean to actually find his words instead of stumbling over them, but eventually he gets to the point. It is Meg, then. Castiel's felt so much jealousy over the past few days thanks to Crowley that he actually wonders for a moment if that's what Dean is feeling right now.

But it wouldn't do any good to ask, and it doesn't matter in the end. Castiel has seen Meg's room himself, and he will admit it's a fond memory, though tinged with something less pleasant given that it had been their last real conversation before Meg's death.

Dean isn't wrong about them having ups and downs, but Castiel can admit that he'd been the cause of plenty of those. It's not something they've learned from, either, if that text conversation is anything to go by. But they're always able to move past it, and that's what makes the difference.

Castiel leans up against the wall and then shrugs.] For me, the good outweighs the bad. My feelings toward Meg are mixed up... muddled. [Not that his feelings for Dean are all that clear to him either, but there's less of a moral quandary involved.] That must be why Wonderland chose something that involved you and Sam. [Castiel doesn't feel guilty about being friends with them.]

[ once out of the room, out of mary's sight and mind, dean feels a little better. not that his mom can react to anything being said or done, but having this conversation with her presence in room hadn't felt entirely right. in the hallway, much like cas suspects, dean remains near the door, lingering by it much like he had when the angel first approached him.

he doesn't regret showing cas his room, the memory within, but that doesn't mean he plans on inviting anyone else inside.

either way, his assumption are out and cas only shrugs, which leaves dean exhaling a quiet, relieved breath. maybe it is jealousy, low and burning somewhere inside of him, or something else-- but he shouldn't have assumed. cas and meg might share something special, and it's none of his business. even if he'd literally walked in on it in the form of meg's memory. ]

Maybe, yeah. [ he has no idea why wonderland chose any of this, honestly, so who knows. ] Either way, hey, I'm glad. Just means you haven't run outta good times with us yet. [ because sometimes it feels like they either fight more often than not, or someone has a massive, destructive secret-lie waiting to explode. so for cas' room to include them-- feels good, man. ]

Let's try and keep it that way, too.

[ big goals. ]

[It's not as if Castiel wants to run out of those good times, no. As it is, humans are so short-lived, which means that he doesn't actually have much time with them, relatively speaking. If Dean and Sam happen to make it to an older age, which is unlikely given their line of work, then an illness of some kind will eventually put them in the ground.

Castiel prefers not to think about that.

The point is, he doesn't intend to burn any bridges with the Winchesters, not when their time together is already so limited. Wonderland allows them to spend time together without either Sam or Dean aging, and for that at least Castiel is grateful.

He smiles briefly and nods at Dean's statement.] I could stand guard with you for a while -- if you don't mind. [Even if they're standing here quietly, Castiel would be fine with that. It's his way of showing that there are no hard feelings after their argument, if that isn't already clear.]

[ wonderland does offer endless time, and honestly, compared to the things that have gone down back home, he and cas haven't butted heads nearly as much as they do back there. wonderland doesn't force them to lie, to constantly fight something that could destroy them both-- they can come together here. face things as a united force.

maybe he would do well to remember that, he realizes, just as castiel speaks up.

dean only shrugs, vaguely gesturing around them as his words come off lightly. ]

It's a free hallway.

[ the company would be nice, if he's honest, so cas is free to stay. guarding his door, important as it is, has gotten a little boring and lonely, too. so why not-- having cas around always makes things better.

the door is smooth against his back as dean leans back into it, eyes on his friend. everything is alright, things between them are good. ]

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+ Wanted to get it real home-like... +

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ding dong dean's dumb

oh dean you sweet summer child

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end here? <: