entrancelogs | ❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Entry tags:

❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Who: Kate Fuller & You (Yeah and maybe Richie Gecko okay. This could happen)
Where: Various Locations in Wonderland
When: Early to Mid January.
Rating: PG+ to NSFW.
Summary: Kate settles into Wonderland
The Story: ❝...is just slowly turning upside down, like a ship flipping over in the ocean?❞

ɴ.ʙ I welcome threadjacking from anyone (tagging into ongoing threads to have more than 2 characters in it). That said, if you'd prefer the thread to only be with Kate, just put [closed] in the subject line! Prose or Action is good with me, I'll match whatever I get.

[ Despite her appearance with Richie at the New Years Eve Ball, Kate's presence in the Mansion is not easily noticed as January rolls around. She keeps to her room on the tenth floor, getting out only when the walls feel like their closing in on her. If encountered during the day, you can be fairly certain that Kate will be alone but as the sun goes down, there's every chance you'll find any conversation you might have with her, interrupted by a tall man with glasses who if you think is sizing you up, undoubtedly is. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴇʟ

[ The house of God had once been a place where Kate felt welcomed with open arms, a sanctuary that wrapped her in peace and warmth in a way that even her home could not. It was one of the few places where she had the certainty of belonging that so few ever found in life and she'd thought it would always be that for her, no matter where her life took her. Now? She wasn't so sure.

It had been many months since Kate had stepped foot in a Chapel and though Richie had shown her the one here in Wonderland as a way of putting her at ease, she already wondered if it existed to torment her more than comfort her. Kate had never wavered in her beliefs, despite all she'd seen and experienced this last year. She'd held firm to the knowledge that God loved her because as far as she was concerned, God was love but having time to stop and think about every choice she'd made, Kate could feel the weight of every one of those decisions whenever she stepped foot inside the chapel.

While she doesn't spend hours on end here, Kate can still be found in the Chapel at various times throughout the day, usually when there doesn't appear to be anyone else around. Always tucked into one of the pews at the back, as if she weren't sure she should really be here at all. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴛᴄʜᴇɴ

[ While some people took to the magic of Wonderland; the ease and comfort it afforded those who lived here, Kate found it difficult to trust anything that could be achieved without effort. She'd tried eating in the dining room where most people took their meals but these attempts usually ended with her being more hungry than satisfied and she always ended up retreating to the kitchen where she could fix her own meal.

She was hardly what you'd call a gourmet cook, but Kate had always helped her mother in the kitchen and she'd in many ways taken on the role of caretaker in the time since her mother's death. It wasn't like her father had been in a state to do so and Scott? It was a miracle if Kate could get him to set the table.

Used to cooking for two or more, Kate will be prone to making too much and never one to see food go to waste, anyone who happens into the kitchen while she's here will be offered some of whatever she's making. Those who happen to frequent the kitchen might even realize that she's the one responsible for the plates of food that have handwritten notes beneath them, inviting anyone to take it for themselves. ]

ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sɴᴏᴡ

[ When you spend your whole life in the small town of Bethel, Texas, a place that despite the bitter cold that came during Winter, had never seen an inch of snow in the time Kate had lived there, the Winter Wonderland that existed beyond the Mansion walls had its own kind of appeal.

Some days, Kate would be content to sit by a window, a cup of hot chocolate warming her hands as she watched the flurries of snow, dance through the air. On days when the weather was mild enough to dare venture out, however, Kate would don multiple layers of clothing and would brave the biting cold just to experience what for her, was more magical than anything she'd seen inside the mansion.]

ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀs ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇ

[ Set something up yourself! Kate will explore the various parts of the Mansion so it won't be inconceivable that you'd come across her almost anywhere. She will also be curious about the mirror side of Wonderland so Mirrors! are more than welcome to tag her as well. Alternatively, if you want to hash an idea out with me, you're welcome to PM her journal or hit me up on plurk:

brooklyn2181]

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[ In the silence that follows, Kate allows herself a moment or two to find the comfort there, feeling much of the tension and unease fade away as they just sit there with two cups of hot chocolate. There were no crazy dreams to get lost in, nothing trying to arrest them or kill them. She would have sworn that going back to a normal kind of life would have been impossible and yet, this was so painfully normal that she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His words draw her gaze towards him, Kate's mouth falling open as now, presented with the opportunity to ask him anything she wanted, her mind went perfectly blank.]

Why would I have more questions than you do? [Eyebrows knitting together as she ponders whether he just doesn't want to know that much or if he thinks her life has been so painfully normal that there's not much for her to tell.

It never occurs to her that there's a third option here...]

[He takes another casual sip out of his mug, continuing to speak as if this is the most normal thing in the world.

It's become that to him. He's used to it.]

Blood is the conduit of the soul. [His eyes lift to hers knowingly.] It lets me see things.

[He'd see the furrowing of her brow, the clogs slowly turning in her head as she tries to process the meaning of those words and then the sudden widening of her eyes as it all falls into place, Kate almost spilling her hot chocolate as she draws back a little.

Scott had explained that he'd seen things when he'd killed Jessica but he'd killed Jessica, not just taken some of her blood.]

It what? [Yeah this is clearly news to her.] So every time you've been... [One day she will be able to say it. Maybe.] You've been seein' things?

It's not all that different from our conversation at the pool.

[Except then it had been caused by a different source.]

It didn't seem to bother you then, so I didn't think it'd bother you now. [A beat as he leans back against the couch.] But yeah. It's more intense the more you take, though. Take enough and I can actually absorb the person's skill and knowledge, too.

[And their conversation by the pool had scared her half to death, but she's hardly going to point that out now.

While stricken isn't the word you'd use to describe it, it's pretty obvious that Kate is now running through all the things he could have possibly seen, everything from burying her friend to killing her father, to shooting up Seth in Mexico.]

And by... take enough, you mean. Kill, right? [Kate working hard to keep any judgment from her face. She might not like the idea of anyone killing but she understood that it was a reality for most Culebra.]

[He seems to catch that, the racing of her mind in response to his words, and he's quick to comment on it.]

Whatever you're thinking about, chances are I already know it. That motel in Mexico. That job you pulled with my brother. Your trip back to Bethel.

[He doesn't seem particularly affected by any of these things, but then again, this is Richie Gecko we're talking about. He's seen and done far worse a thousand times over.]

Like I said, blood is the conduit of the soul. We're literally consuming a soul when we kill, and everything else comes with it.

[All of the color immediately drains from her face, Kate forgetting how to breathe as she stares at Richie, trying to read any emotion regarding the events he so casually threw on the table. He laid all of her secrets bare; like they were nothing at all and it was impossible not to flinch at the all too easy way that he dredges up a history she can't say that she's particularly proud of.

Kate's gaze falls away as Richie continues to talk, staring now at the steam that rises up from the mug, her taste for anything sweet having evaporated in an instant.]

Why didn't you tell me you knew. [Voice low, Kate working hard to keep the emotion out of it. There was so much there for her to try and process that maybe it was best that he was telling her this way, not allowing her too much time to really think about what it all means.]

Do you actually feel better knowing that I did?

[He lifts his brows at her because he expects the answer to be no.]

People can be fickle, and no one's memory is perfect. Just because I saw it doesn't mean that's exactly how it happened.

[His head tilts, and even though her eyes have dropped, his are still focused on her face.]

It's not like it's the easiest thing to bring up, either. And you didn't ask.

Edited 2017-01-17 06:17 (UTC)

[His words draw her gaze, Kate gaping at Richie but in the end she just shakes her head. She strongly suspects he doesn't see why it's that big a deal, or why maybe it was something he should have admitted to her before now.]

Knowing you might not have seen it, exactly how it happened? Doesn't make me feel better, no. [And it's made worse by the memory of their argument the other day, when Richie was throwing shade over her so-called adventure with Seth. Had it really looked like any of that had been fun for her? Trying to make sure Seth didn't choke on his own vomit and die.

Kate peers at him out of the corner of her eye, clearly not as at ease with this subject as he appears to be. She can't be mad at him for bringing this up, she even knows it's something they needed to talk about and she probably would have dodged it if left up to her.]

You brought it up the other day. [Yes, their argument, Kate looking at Richie fully now.] You did know then, didn't you?

Exactly.

[It didn't benefit either of them for her to know that he'd taken peeks inside her head. It also didn't help that he'd known all this before he'd even started feeding off of her, but that was another issue entirely.]

Besides, I told you I had to exchange blood with you to read your mind. It's not like you didn't know it could happen.

[There were more ways to exchange bodily fluids than just through cuts.

As the only evidence to his mild guilt, he looks away from her, sipping on his hot chocolate. He has the sudden urge to add some whiskey to it.]

Yeah, I knew.

Edited 2017-01-17 13:56 (UTC)

[ Just.

Fucking.

Deadeyes.]

A blood exchange is not the same as... what we do. [ She thought there needed to be obsidian involved like Freddie had used with Scott, but clearly there was a lot about the world of the Culebras that Kate didn't know.

The fact that he can't look at her is both satisfying and infuriating, Kate not allowing either to overwhelm her however, instead nodding slowly and keeping her emotions in check.]

And do you really believe what you said? [Still watching him, looking for any flicker of emotion.] That it was an adventure?

[It's never occurred to her why he said it, that some part of Richie might have been jealous of the time she spent with his brother, even if it hadn't been fun for either of them.]

It's not exactly the same, but I'm also not taking all that much.

[But that's neither here nor there at this point. He waves a hand gently in the air to dismiss that line of conversation. It's hard to explain to someone who's never experienced it.

The air around him gets decidedly more serious at her question, and he looks up to meet her gaze, eyes locking with hers solidly.]

No, I don't. Seth should never have made himself your responsibility.

[There's more to it than that, but she isn't asking why he used it as a weapon. She's asking if what he said were his true thoughts.]

[ Hurt she didn't know was resurfacing appears to ease before his eyes, Kate not realizing how much she needed for him to see Mexico for what it had really been until the seconds before his reply.

She exhales the breath she'd been holding in with a shudder, her shoulders dropping as the tension dissolves and as if to buy herself several seconds for his words to sink in, Kate takes the time to lift her hot chocolate to her lips, sipping the sweet liquid and allowing the steam to warm her face.

A part of her knows that Richie is right, that most people wouldn't defend Seth's choices, but Kate?]

He wasn't trying to make himself my responsibility. [ Kate glancing at Richie then back at her cup.] He just... wanted to make it stop.

He made you deal with the fallout of his bullshit and then he bailed.

[To his credit, he doesn't sound that angry. Seth and Richie had dealt with their shit, had come back together, had moved forward. Richie had accepted, the hard way, that they were better together than apart. A package deal, just like they had always been.

There were still things that pissed him off, but that was part of the package too.]

You can give a shit about him without defending what he did. He fucked up and you know it.

[While Kate works hard to keep from flinching, her eyes remain closed a little too long as she blinks, making it clear that the hurt of Seth's abandonment was still very real, raw.

She could very easily blame everything on Seth, make him the bad guy in their disastrous time together but while there had been much that he had done wrong, while he'd basically kicked her to the curb? She supposed she also had to own the fact that she could have gone back for him.

But she didn't.]

I'm not... defending him. [ But she couldn't condemn him either. ] I know what he did, believe me.

[ Looking at Richie again, he'd see the hurt was still there for the things she'd dealt with in that time. Everything that had gone wrong, the strain of seeing Seth fall apart, trying to keep them both above water when it felt like they were drowning, losing Rafa, being pushed aside...

Maybe one day Kate might realize that in some fucked up kind of way, Seth did her a favor in pushing her away. Maybe, if it ever stopped hurting. ~~Or maybe if she hadn't have died~~.]

I just get that most of that had nothing to do with me.

[Richie should probably feel worse for Seth's state of being, but he isn't. He didn't abandon anyone. He'd been following in his brother's shadow for who knew how long, been told to stay quiet and get in line, and he'd frankly been sick of it. He'd broken his brother out of jail only to be called crazy and a liar, and as much as Richie loved his brother, he needed to do something, this one thing, on his own.

Granted, he thought he had something worth fighting for, and in some ways he had, but it hadn't been what he'd wanted it to be.

It wasn't his fault that Seth fell apart after that. His brother was an adult, he'd made a choice, and he wouldn't take responsibility for being the reason that Seth decided to poison himself into oblivion.]

It was his problem. Not mine. Not yours. He did a job without me, got himself thrown in jail for five years until I busted him out, started having visions and hallucinations, and he didn't see me relying on some substance to make it all better.

[Her features shift, soften, Kate realizing what was fueling so much of Richie's reaction, her head cocking to one side and without overthinking every action like she had been since they'd broken apart on the snow, a hand crosses the distance between them to lay against his.]

Noone's blaming you, Richie. [Nobody except perhaps, himself, deep down.] It wasn't anybody's fault. Seth just...

[How could she explain to him that they were two halves of the same whole? That without Richie, Seth didn't really cope, without making Richie feel like she was pushing the responsibility for Seth onto him?]

He's not you. [Trying for a small, albeit weak smile.]

[Richie's eyes drop as her hand touches his, skin on skin instead of gloves or coats, and he swallows as it shocks him into stillness.

He puts his mug down on the coffee table as his hand turns over under hers, fingers threading through hers in some sort of desperate attempt to reconnect, to pull away from his darker thoughts.]

You're damn right he isn't.

[The words would have come out angry, if not for her. Instead, they're almost raspy, a word here and there getting stuck. His eyes lift back to hers, the look in them briefly conflicted, before he says:]

I've seen him, you know. He got clean. We were, uh, working together again.

[Her gaze drops to her hand on his, Kate sucking in a slow, shaky breath as she feels his fingers entwine with hers but the tension that had made things awkward between them, was thankfully nowhere to be found.

He wasn't the only one who needed this connection and her fingers shift, brushing his, locking them together and ending with a gentle squeeze.

Their eyes meet, a question in her own but the words that pass his lips see her whole face change as hope rises up inside of her.]

Really? [The smile that comes is as sincere as any he's seen from her before, Kate too happy to hear him say that, to even be upset that Richie hadn't told her before.]

Ain't that something... [More to herself than to him. She believed in her heart that they were meant to come back together, she just hadn't known if they could get over their crap long enough to do so.] I guess everything worked out for you two after all.

It's a work in progress.

[They have a long road back towards normal, but they've at least started it.

Even if it took Seth threatening to let him burn in the sun to get there.

His thumb brushes over the back of her hand, his eyes almost viciously intense again as he ponders a question of his own.]

Why do you care?

[It's delivered in a very genuine way. He doesn't get it and he'd really like to know.]

[ And Kate, of course, looks completely at a loss as to why he'd even have to ask that question. Why did she care?]

About you and Seth? [Her eyebrows raising as if she thinks he should know the answer already.] Because... I care about you. Both of you.

[Did she have a million reasons not to? A million more to hate them? Maybe. Maybe most people would think she was insane for giving a damn about the Gecko brothers but in a crazy, messed up way? They'd cared about her first.

They'd done a lot of bad things in their lives, dragged her family into their insanity but what mattered to Kate? They'd never meant for it to happen the way that it did and when things went wrong? They could have left Kate and her family to die, but they didn't. They'd risked themselves to save them, to save her.]

I care about you two workin' things out 'cause, whether you know it or not? You're better when you're together.

[The same could be said about her, in the end. Why did he care so much about her? There had been plenty of hostages and people caught in the crossfire before. But very rarely did he feel anything for them. He didn't wish harm on them, he didn't want innocent people to die, but he'd learned to deal with it when it happened. Life wasn't easy, and it wasn't fair, and that was that.

But Kate? Kate was different. He wasn't exactly sure how, or why, but he'd known it from the very beginning. He'd met her for a reason.]

What about now?

[The question may seem strange, but Seth isn't here. Richie is just one half of los Geckos Hermanos. Was he not enough all by himself, not even when he didn't have any hand in being here alone?]

Edited 2017-01-17 17:21 (UTC)

Now? [ She doesn't get it at first, the implications of what she'd said and how they relate to the here and now. She still believed that Richie was better for having Seth around but from what she's seen this last month with it just being the two of them? ]

We're always better when we keep the people we love close... [Kate's lips pressing together as she carefully chooses her next words.] They, challenge us to be better versions of ourselves. They, become our reason to try harder.

[ But she'd seen that in Richie in Wonderland, hadn't she? She'd challenged him and he'd tried harder...

It wasn't a revelation she could make out loud so Kate just shook her head, offering him a crooked, half-smile. ]

I guess it's like I said, you're not Seth.

Edited 2017-01-17 17:40 (UTC)

[His head turns just a bit, as if checking to make sure he heard her right, rerunning her words through his head to see if she's insinuating what he thinks she is.

The thought hadn't really crossed his mind until now, if only because the last time he'd come even close to that word, it had blown up in his face and he's not even sure if he'd recognized it right.

Even if it was true, it didn't matter unless it went both ways. He'd figured that out the hard way, too. He was also terrible at noticing those kinds of truths.

He seems to accept what she says with a slight nod before his lips stretch into a conspiratorial smirk, like they're sharing some secret that no one else knows.]

You're damn right I'm not.

[ She's aware now of how all of that sounded, has made the connections herself and while she couldn't presume to think that he actually loved her, she could maybe see that she was good for him in a way that she hadn't been able to be for Seth. (Little does she know.)

That smirk sees her exhale a silent sigh of relief, Kate's eyes dropping away and a smile brightening her features as she shakes her head.]

That wasn't the part you were meant to focus on. [But she figures he knows that and it keeps things light when they're not throwing around words like love while she's sitting there with him on the couch, holding his hand.]

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