entrancelogs | ❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Entry tags:

❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Who: Kate Fuller & You (Yeah and maybe Richie Gecko okay. This could happen)
Where: Various Locations in Wonderland
When: Early to Mid January.
Rating: PG+ to NSFW.
Summary: Kate settles into Wonderland
The Story: ❝...is just slowly turning upside down, like a ship flipping over in the ocean?❞

ɴ.ʙ I welcome threadjacking from anyone (tagging into ongoing threads to have more than 2 characters in it). That said, if you'd prefer the thread to only be with Kate, just put [closed] in the subject line! Prose or Action is good with me, I'll match whatever I get.

[ Despite her appearance with Richie at the New Years Eve Ball, Kate's presence in the Mansion is not easily noticed as January rolls around. She keeps to her room on the tenth floor, getting out only when the walls feel like their closing in on her. If encountered during the day, you can be fairly certain that Kate will be alone but as the sun goes down, there's every chance you'll find any conversation you might have with her, interrupted by a tall man with glasses who if you think is sizing you up, undoubtedly is. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴇʟ

[ The house of God had once been a place where Kate felt welcomed with open arms, a sanctuary that wrapped her in peace and warmth in a way that even her home could not. It was one of the few places where she had the certainty of belonging that so few ever found in life and she'd thought it would always be that for her, no matter where her life took her. Now? She wasn't so sure.

It had been many months since Kate had stepped foot in a Chapel and though Richie had shown her the one here in Wonderland as a way of putting her at ease, she already wondered if it existed to torment her more than comfort her. Kate had never wavered in her beliefs, despite all she'd seen and experienced this last year. She'd held firm to the knowledge that God loved her because as far as she was concerned, God was love but having time to stop and think about every choice she'd made, Kate could feel the weight of every one of those decisions whenever she stepped foot inside the chapel.

While she doesn't spend hours on end here, Kate can still be found in the Chapel at various times throughout the day, usually when there doesn't appear to be anyone else around. Always tucked into one of the pews at the back, as if she weren't sure she should really be here at all. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴛᴄʜᴇɴ

[ While some people took to the magic of Wonderland; the ease and comfort it afforded those who lived here, Kate found it difficult to trust anything that could be achieved without effort. She'd tried eating in the dining room where most people took their meals but these attempts usually ended with her being more hungry than satisfied and she always ended up retreating to the kitchen where she could fix her own meal.

She was hardly what you'd call a gourmet cook, but Kate had always helped her mother in the kitchen and she'd in many ways taken on the role of caretaker in the time since her mother's death. It wasn't like her father had been in a state to do so and Scott? It was a miracle if Kate could get him to set the table.

Used to cooking for two or more, Kate will be prone to making too much and never one to see food go to waste, anyone who happens into the kitchen while she's here will be offered some of whatever she's making. Those who happen to frequent the kitchen might even realize that she's the one responsible for the plates of food that have handwritten notes beneath them, inviting anyone to take it for themselves. ]

ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sɴᴏᴡ

[ When you spend your whole life in the small town of Bethel, Texas, a place that despite the bitter cold that came during Winter, had never seen an inch of snow in the time Kate had lived there, the Winter Wonderland that existed beyond the Mansion walls had its own kind of appeal.

Some days, Kate would be content to sit by a window, a cup of hot chocolate warming her hands as she watched the flurries of snow, dance through the air. On days when the weather was mild enough to dare venture out, however, Kate would don multiple layers of clothing and would brave the biting cold just to experience what for her, was more magical than anything she'd seen inside the mansion.]

ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀs ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇ

[ Set something up yourself! Kate will explore the various parts of the Mansion so it won't be inconceivable that you'd come across her almost anywhere. She will also be curious about the mirror side of Wonderland so Mirrors! are more than welcome to tag her as well. Alternatively, if you want to hash an idea out with me, you're welcome to PM her journal or hit me up on plurk:

brooklyn2181]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ For Richie to push himself up means releasing her hand and that sudden loss of any form of connection between them sees Kate shrinking down inside the winter coat that she's wearing, feeling exposed in a way that has little to do with her body in that moment. There's been a shift in the air between them, the subject of Santanico acting like a bucket of ice being thrown in the faces of both of them and it seems that no matter how far away she is, she was still capable of coming between them.

Unsure what to do with her hands right now, Kate wraps one arm around her chest, creating a physical barrier that might somehow offer her protection from this conversation. She can feel the cold sinking into her, no more heat generated by them to warm her insides and her hair has grown damp from laying back on the snow, her jeans slowly soaking through.]

I don't know... [Her gaze dropping away from his as she struggles to keep a mask in place, not wanting Richie to know how nervous she is about this conversation. Was there even a right or wrong answer in all of this? Would anything he said to her change whatever had been happening minutes ago? It would help if she knew the answer to that question, but she honestly didn't know.]

Both, I guess? [She wasn't even sure if she had a right to ask these questions; if this was really any of her business. It was the kind of thing that maybe she would have learned in time, that he might have eventually let her in on but his whole life between the Twister and ending up here was little more than a mystery to her. She'd had visions of him and Santanico reinventing themselves together. He'd killed off the Richie she'd briefly known when he'd sent that car over the cliff and this one? Was still in many ways a complete stranger to her.]

I mean, do you still, love her?

[Okay, so they're really doing this. Right now. It was only a matter of time, he supposes, especially considering what just came to pass. He probably should have said something sooner, but it was hard to bring her up in any context that wouldn't completely ruin whatever peace they had.

Santanico complicated everything.

He rolls off of her onto one knee, reaching out a hand to help her up from the snow.]

You're getting soaked. [It's said matter-of-factly, and although there's a shade of vulnerability in his eyes, for the most part he's back to being collected.

Or he would be, if it weren't from the fact that his glasses were still wet and now slightly askew, his hood fallen back and his hair damp and frazzled.] Come on.

[Once she's up and they've started walking, hopefully back towards the mansion where it's warmer now that the sun is dipping even further down behind the trees.]

To answer your question, no, I don't. I'm not sure I ever did, considering she didn't end up being what I thought she was.

[ Didn't they have to do this, though? If anything like that was ever going to happen again, didn't they both need some kind of idea as to where they stood? Kate, for her part, at least needed to know that this wasn't some kind of rebound for him, that if Santanico were to show up tomorrow, she wouldn't continue to be the sun that he orbits. Or maybe she was getting too ahead of herself. It was a kiss, that didn't suddenly spell commitment. She might still be a teenager but he, was not.

As he moves to get up, it feels like every bit of warmth she'd found from being out here with him was shriveling up, Kate looking at Richie's extended hand before reaching to take it. There was a part of her that desperately wanted to stop him, rising up onto her feet and as close as they became in doing so? A part of her wanted to lean into him, to ask if they could just drop the subject.

It was the part that didn't win, however, Kate brushing the snow from her hair, her jeans and wrapping her arms around her chest as they started to walk towards the Mansion.

As much as she's trying to shield her emotions from him, there's a vulnerability to her as she steals a look in his direction, Kate trying to figure out if he really means what he's saying, or if he's desperately trying to convince himself that it's true.]

Okay... [Bobbing her head and pressing her lips together as she hugs herself a little tighter. She should probably let that be enough, he'd answered her questions even though it had clearly made him uncomfortable. He hadn't gotten angry with her despite the fact that she'd helped to ruin what had been until panic set in, an otherwise perfect moment. But Kate it seemed, just didn't know that sometimes, less information was better than more.]

What did you think she was?

[He thought that just by doing something like this, it made it relatively clear that he wasn't tied up in any way, shape or form. He was of a singular mind most of the time, focusing on one thing or another, and spread too thin he started to fall apart. He couldn't feel intense emotions about one person while still feeling them for someone else.

And he didn't trust most people enough to even think about letting them get this close.

Maybe trusting Santanico had been a mistake, considering how they'd come to meet. But a part of him wants to believe that his initial attraction had been because of her effect on his mind, of their existential connection, of the things she'd opened up inside him. Despite everything, she'd given him power, something he usually sorely lacked, in exchange for his body and his soul.

There was also the bit where he would have died without it.]

I don't know.

[To his credit, he's really not sure. He'd wanted her, and then he thought he loved her, or maybe that's just what he thought he was supposed to do. He'd wanted it to mean something, he'd wanted things to be different, and he'd realized that different didn't necessarily mean better.]

But to get what she wanted, she needed me. She couldn't get her revenge without my mind. [Richie taps his temple as he watches her, and the meaning behind the words is obvious. He'd always been the brains behind every operation.] I guess I wanted it to be more than that. I thought it was supposed to be more than that.

[He'd needed it to be more than that, but in the end, it simply wasn't.]

[From what little Seth had told her about what happened after they’d separated, it had certainly sounded like it was more than that. Seth hated Santanico and he wasn’t quiet about it because according to him? Richie hadn’t left, Santanico had taken him. Kate supposed that in a way now, she had. At least if she’d truly loved Richie then Kate could understand separating the brothers but hearing that she was just using him? Having seen firsthand how it had destroyed Seth? It was hard for even Kate to feel compassion for somebody who had such a reckless disregard for the feelings of others.]

I’m sorry... [ Not entirely sure which part she was most sorry for; How things had turned out or the fact that she was making him relive it.

None of this had really brought her closer to understanding where she fit into all of this, though. She really had thought that his having a girlfriend was the only thing holding her back, but hearing now that she was wrong didn’t magically solidify the ground beneath her feet.

Kate was different to Santanico in almost every conceivable way, so what was it that he actually saw in her? Was it because she wasn’t like her? Was he hoping not to be reminded of the woman who had used him and left him behind? Or was it just comfort he was looking for, the desire to feel a connection in a place that was foreign in every other way. She was familiar and she was safe. And if they left here she suspected she might never see him again. ]

I didn’t mean to - [Bring it up? But she did. She’d needed to deal with the subject, she just didn’t mean for it to stir up painful feelings.] I just, didn’t know any of this.... I guess, there’s a lot that neither of us really know.

Don't be.

[It wouldn't matter which thing she might be apologizing for. The answer would be the same. Of everyone involved in the mess their lives became? She has the least to apologize for.]

I don't regret it just because things didn't work the way I thought they would. She wasn't the only person getting used by the end of it.

[You used her and you got her killed.

He winces visibly then at the memory he stirs up and he has to look away, but he nods quietly as they walk, listening to her speak.]

You don't have to worry about me, Kate. I'm not as fragile as you might think. And that- [He gestures back to where they were in the snow.] -doesn't make you some kind of rebound. [He knows he was on a hair trigger when they met.] I guess we have a lot to talk about, don't we?

Edited 2017-01-16 18:02 (UTC)

[She does see him wince, Kate's eyebrows knitting together and yet despite the question stirring in her hazel-blue eyes, she figures she might have probed enough for one day.]

I never thought you were. [Damaged, yes but fragile? In a lot of ways he'd seemed more stable than all of them. He had faith that everything was happening for a reason. He had a sense of belonging to something much bigger than themselves. He'd been lost when she'd first met him but fragile? Everyone called Richie crazy and yet in the end it turned out he was the only one of them who could truly see.]

At least... you never were when you were with me. [Because she had to acknowledge the truth of it. He had not at all been holding it together when he was dealing with Scott, or even her Father but with her? He'd jumped to her defense when Seth had yelled at her and in so many ways? He'd been the most stable person in her life. The one who made sense when nothing else did.

She allows herself to look at him when he tells her she's not a rebound, a question she should ask dancing on the tip of her tongue but she's not sure she's ready to hear the answer, not if it's not the one she wants. She can't blame him if it was just about comfort, about wanting to feel a connection but if that's all it was? Then maybe it was best if he tried to find that with somebody else. It was something she would have to tell him if it came to that and that's exactly why she didn't want to go there just yet.]

Yeah... [Her gaze falling away, Kate staring at the ground where her feet would fall. She supposed he might have his own questions, about her and Seth in Mexico. They were nothing like him and Santanico but, her hands were hardly clean after their time together.] We probably do.

That's because you believed me when no one else did.

[Except for that one time that she called him insane, of course, but he knows in retrospect that that wasn't about him. It was about her father, and he's not about to call her out on that now.]

I told you I could see things, and you believed me, even if it scared you. That meant something to me, you know.

[It still does, now that he knows the truth, even if the truth wasn't what he expected, even if the truth had torn their lives apart.]

I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want you to leave, but I knew that's not what you really wanted to do. You wanted freedom, just like I did. [A beat.] Just like Santanico did.

[The reach the door to the mansion, and he opens one of them up, tilting his head toward the interior so that she can head inside first.]

You should change out of those. After that, there's nothing better than talking with hot cocoa after playing in the snow.

[But why wouldn't she have believed him? He knew things he couldn't possibly have known about her and her family and he was saying things that despite their impossibility, made more sense to her than all the lies her Daddy had been telling.

It's when he draws the comparison between her and Santanico that Kate is brought up short, her footsteps faltering as she turns to look at him. She could let it go, do as he suggested; go get changed and just fall into the normality of drinking hot cocoa with him but he deserved the truth right now, even if she was exposing so much of herself in saying it.]

That's not why I kissed you. [Not outside in the snow, she was talking about the first time, that back room of The Twister.] I mean... yes, I... I wanted to leave, but... [But of course she'd wanted to leave, even if a part of her didn't, she had to. It wasn't like Seth and Richie were going to take her family with them to El Rey. Maybe, maybe she could have believed that Richie might have asked her to go but back then? She was the only thing holding her family together and even that hadn't been enough in the end. Leaving them would have been the same as destroying them, kind of like how Richie leaving Seth had destroyed him.]

Maybe at first it was... [Lines creasing her brow as she struggles to understand what had been driving her at the time. She'd told herself it was about that, tried to convince herself that the kiss had been nothing more than a clever ploy to get him to give her the keys to the RV but she knew how she'd felt and surely he'd seen the surprise on her face, heard the gasp as they broke away, realized that just maybe, what had started as one thing, had very quickly turned into something even she hadn't expected.]

It - meant something.

[Kate pulls in a deep breath, her shoulders shuddering as she exhales and she suddenly wishes she hadn't felt the need to say all of that to him.]

I'm... [Grateful for the flush of color that came with coming in from the cold as her cheeks warmed.] I'm going to... change.

Edited 2017-01-16 19:30 (UTC)

I know it did.

[He wouldn't have kissed her the second time if he'd thought it hadn't. But he'd examined her face, translated her expressions, and it hadn't been a ploy. Not entirely, anyway.

It hadn't changed the fact that she was still leaving. And he hadn't accounted for what would happen next.

Either way, he hadn't forgotten about it. It had meant something to him, too, just like it had today.]

Well, I'm not about to hang out in a snow suit. Or in these boots. [He relaxes into an easy smirk.] And I need a new tie.

Oh... [Of course he needed to change as well, which made the hasty exit she'd planned to make a little difficult when they were both headed to the same place - and suddenly she regretted everything about them sharing a room, or, a kind of room. The shared bathroom hadn't been an issue for her until she became hyper aware of the thought of walking to her bedroom in only a towel with him around.]

Of course. [Her own laughter not as natural as she forces the chuckle past her lips, Kate still not entirely sure what, if anything had changed between them. Were they just going to pretend like they hadn't just been making out in the snow? It would seem like a weird thing to do if they hadn't already pretended once before.

So instead she'll stand there awkwardly for another moment before nodding towards the stairs and starting up them and fuck me why did we put them on the tenth floor? Skip to the end?]

[Richie doesn't mind quiet, so he's perfectly content to walk up ten fucking flights of stairs with only the sound of their feet hitting each step to keep their ears busy.

Fortunately, they're both in relatively good shape at least, so it's an easy trip to their floor and down the hall to their room, where Richie's long stride likely means he reaches the door first, opening it to let her in.

Funnily enough, his words seem to echo what she's thinking, if accidentally.]

Bathroom's all yours.

[Which of course make's Kate stiffen, her cheeks flush, her head turning quick enough to flick her hair around to hide the thoughts that were now playing across her face. A month of living like this and she might not have thought twice even if he had seen her in a towel, but they went and crossed some invisible line and she was still trying to figure out how much things were going to change because of that.]

I'll be quick. [Immediately wishing she hadn't said that. Now was exactly a moment to take as much time as possible in the hopes that it would help sort through the mess inside her head.

She is quick at least, Kate not one to spend hours primping in front of a mirror and she does have to deal with the conundrum of getting from the bathroom to her room wearing only a towel. Most of her time spent in the bathroom isn' drying off, but rather Kate standing by the door with her ear pressed against it, listening for any sounds of movement beyond before she finally decides to make her move.]

[Considering all he has to do is peel off his snowsuit by the door and switch out his shoes, Kate probably shouldn't have bothered even attempting this. In fact, he doesn't even bother with the tie, since he sees no point in leaving immediately, instead opting to loosen one or two buttons at the top of his shirt and start up a fire in the fireplace for some added warmth.

So, not only is he just sitting in the common room, on the couch, in front of the fireplace, but he's also already set out hot cocoa with marshmallows in mugs on the coffee table. His hair is swept back smoothly again, and it's clear that he most definitely heard that she was being uncharacteristically quiet in there, and the look on his face is, well, telling as she moved from the bathroom towards where she slept.]

If it bothers you that much, you could just take your clothes in the bathroom with you in the first place.

[It's amusing to him because, in his mind, nothing has really changed. His feels are identical to what they were this morning. Acting on them doesn't make either of them different people.

But he's also not a teenage girl, nor does he think like your typical person regardless.]

[ Look, Richie. You cannot throw a teenage girl who was raised the daughter of a Preacher, into a situation like the one she was now in with you and expect her to just roll with it. Maybe nothing had changed for you, but this morning she was under the impression that you had a super hot girlfriend and you probably wouldn't look twice at her. Now she had the knowledge of what it felt like to have you on top of her, which for the record, was more than she could say about any other member of the opposite sex that she'd ever known.

With all that said, it's no wonder that Kate looks startled when he calls her out, Kate clutching the towel to her chest and staring at him with momentary horror. She had in fact, realized this was a safer solution already, but that was only after she'd been standing by the door and was listening for him for several minutes.

Embarrassment causing her temper to flare, Kate does what's only natural for any teenage girl to do; she takes the brush she'd been using on her hair in the bathroom and launches it right across the room in his direction, not even looking for what she hits in the process as she hurries off to her room with a;]

You're an ass!

Ow!

[And the brush clocks him in side of the head. He really should have seen that coming, but alas.]

I wish you'd had that aim with the snowballs instead!

[At least he'll heal that bump right away.]

And that's not a very nice thing to say to someone who's just trying to help!

[Okay, so really, he is just being an ass. But if it's gonna break up the weird anxiety she seems to have right now, all the better. Especially since they're probably gonna get all serious again here in a minute.]

[There was a split second there when she heard the clunk and the 'ow' and she actually felt bad... but he kept talking and any guilt was fleeting at best.

She doesn't actually take anywhere near as long to get dressed, Kate opting for the comfort of jeans and a sweater and... because it's Kate, fluffy socks to keep her feet warm. She does not however look even a little apologetic as she emerges from her bedroom and flops down onto the couch, still staring at him.]

Did it actually hurt? [Surely the look on her face right now suggests that if the answer is 'yes', her reply will be 'good'.]

Well, yeah.

[He tilts his head back casually to look at her over the back of the couch, a crooked smile on his face.]

I heal really fast. I still feel pain. No permanent scars, though.

[#troll]

[Which granted her all of two seconds of smug before more words were coming out of his mouth.]

I can find more things to throw if you like. [Which was Kate for 'you can stop now TY, Richie.'

She will probably be a lot more amused by it later when the embarrassment wears off, okay.]

I'll pass.

[But look! There's hot cocoa! You should be thanking him!

He leans over and pats a cushion on the couch a safe distance from him, but still nearby, urging her to sit down.]

I think once is enough payback for destroying you with snow outside.

[And whether she's annoyed or flustered or not? It did in many ways help to ease her nerves to have him being normal with her. It's not that she wanted things to get weird. If anything? It was her fear of things getting weird that was making her so nervous.

Trying to shake off the worst of the uneasiness as she moves, Kate sits exactly on the spot he indicated, immediately reaching for one of the throw cushions to hug to her chest as she sits cross-legged by him.

This whole thing would be a whole lot easier for her if she had the slightest clue where it was going.]

I think destroyed is going a little too far. [but there might be the hint of a grin now pulling at the corner of her mouth.]

True. [He seems to accept that before he adds:] I'm not the one who tried to give you a concussion.

[He's such an ass.

He leans forward, taking one of the mugs in his hands and handing it to her.]

Here. It's not as good if it gets cold. I put some cinnamon in it, too.

[Well, the mansion's magic did, but he thought of it, so same difference.]

[Rather than continue to argue the point, Kate simply gives him a look, reaching for the mug of hot chocolate as he passes it to her.

Personally, she's quite proud of herself for not showing an outward reaction to the brush of their fingers as she takes the mug, but she is aware of it, very much aware of the jolt of electricity that ran from her fingers right through to her chest.]

Thank you. [The smile sitting easier as she holds the mug in both hands to warm them up, steam rising from the top of the hot chocolate as Kate takes a small sip.] It's good.

[She's no longer being awkward, not exactly anyway but she can feel the weight of the 'now what' in the air and she has to assume that perhaps, he does too? The problem is figuring out where to even start.]

You're welcome.

[He picks up his own mug, momentarily lost in how strange all of this feels for not the first time since he arrived here. He was so used to there always being a job to do, always some problem to figure out, always something to react to. Even when Seth got locked up, he was out in the wilderness, living off the land, solving a different set of problems. Then it turned into figuring out how to break his brother out.

And yet now, in Wonderland, he had the opportunity to just sit and be for more than just a moment. It'd been a month already, and though an event or two had shaken things up, most of the time things were just easy.

Richie found he didn't really mind.

He lifts the mug to his lips and takes a sip, letting the hot liquid burn down his throat.]

How about we have a little bit of story time and honesty hour? You ask me something and I'll answer it. Then we switch and keep going until we see where it takes us. [The corner of his mouth perks up.] Though I bet you have more questions than I do.

[ In the silence that follows, Kate allows herself a moment or two to find the comfort there, feeling much of the tension and unease fade away as they just sit there with two cups of hot chocolate. There were no crazy dreams to get lost in, nothing trying to arrest them or kill them. She would have sworn that going back to a normal kind of life would have been impossible and yet, this was so painfully normal that she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His words draw her gaze towards him, Kate's mouth falling open as now, presented with the opportunity to ask him anything she wanted, her mind went perfectly blank.]

Why would I have more questions than you do? [Eyebrows knitting together as she ponders whether he just doesn't want to know that much or if he thinks her life has been so painfully normal that there's not much for her to tell.

It never occurs to her that there's a third option here...]

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