entrancelogs | ❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Entry tags:

❝ Do you ever feel like your life and everything in it...❞

Who: Kate Fuller & You (Yeah and maybe Richie Gecko okay. This could happen)
Where: Various Locations in Wonderland
When: Early to Mid January.
Rating: PG+ to NSFW.
Summary: Kate settles into Wonderland
The Story: ❝...is just slowly turning upside down, like a ship flipping over in the ocean?❞

ɴ.ʙ I welcome threadjacking from anyone (tagging into ongoing threads to have more than 2 characters in it). That said, if you'd prefer the thread to only be with Kate, just put [closed] in the subject line! Prose or Action is good with me, I'll match whatever I get.

[ Despite her appearance with Richie at the New Years Eve Ball, Kate's presence in the Mansion is not easily noticed as January rolls around. She keeps to her room on the tenth floor, getting out only when the walls feel like their closing in on her. If encountered during the day, you can be fairly certain that Kate will be alone but as the sun goes down, there's every chance you'll find any conversation you might have with her, interrupted by a tall man with glasses who if you think is sizing you up, undoubtedly is. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴇʟ

[ The house of God had once been a place where Kate felt welcomed with open arms, a sanctuary that wrapped her in peace and warmth in a way that even her home could not. It was one of the few places where she had the certainty of belonging that so few ever found in life and she'd thought it would always be that for her, no matter where her life took her. Now? She wasn't so sure.

It had been many months since Kate had stepped foot in a Chapel and though Richie had shown her the one here in Wonderland as a way of putting her at ease, she already wondered if it existed to torment her more than comfort her. Kate had never wavered in her beliefs, despite all she'd seen and experienced this last year. She'd held firm to the knowledge that God loved her because as far as she was concerned, God was love but having time to stop and think about every choice she'd made, Kate could feel the weight of every one of those decisions whenever she stepped foot inside the chapel.

While she doesn't spend hours on end here, Kate can still be found in the Chapel at various times throughout the day, usually when there doesn't appear to be anyone else around. Always tucked into one of the pews at the back, as if she weren't sure she should really be here at all. ]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴛᴄʜᴇɴ

[ While some people took to the magic of Wonderland; the ease and comfort it afforded those who lived here, Kate found it difficult to trust anything that could be achieved without effort. She'd tried eating in the dining room where most people took their meals but these attempts usually ended with her being more hungry than satisfied and she always ended up retreating to the kitchen where she could fix her own meal.

She was hardly what you'd call a gourmet cook, but Kate had always helped her mother in the kitchen and she'd in many ways taken on the role of caretaker in the time since her mother's death. It wasn't like her father had been in a state to do so and Scott? It was a miracle if Kate could get him to set the table.

Used to cooking for two or more, Kate will be prone to making too much and never one to see food go to waste, anyone who happens into the kitchen while she's here will be offered some of whatever she's making. Those who happen to frequent the kitchen might even realize that she's the one responsible for the plates of food that have handwritten notes beneath them, inviting anyone to take it for themselves. ]

ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sɴᴏᴡ

[ When you spend your whole life in the small town of Bethel, Texas, a place that despite the bitter cold that came during Winter, had never seen an inch of snow in the time Kate had lived there, the Winter Wonderland that existed beyond the Mansion walls had its own kind of appeal.

Some days, Kate would be content to sit by a window, a cup of hot chocolate warming her hands as she watched the flurries of snow, dance through the air. On days when the weather was mild enough to dare venture out, however, Kate would don multiple layers of clothing and would brave the biting cold just to experience what for her, was more magical than anything she'd seen inside the mansion.]

ᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀs ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇ

[ Set something up yourself! Kate will explore the various parts of the Mansion so it won't be inconceivable that you'd come across her almost anywhere. She will also be curious about the mirror side of Wonderland so Mirrors! are more than welcome to tag her as well. Alternatively, if you want to hash an idea out with me, you're welcome to PM her journal or hit me up on plurk:

brooklyn2181]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Kate merely raises her eyebrows at that.]

The snowman is going to wear a tie? [Because of course it is because this is Richie Gecko.

Barely able to hide her grin, Kate shakes her head and steps around the head she's left on the ground, going over to help Richie.]

We could always get the top hat and carrot later. [Now Kate just try not to face plant as you do this, k.]

Well, we don't have coal for buttons, so tie it is.

[He'll look dapper af, okay. Don't judge his fashion choices.

At least Richie can do most of the work, even if Kate is mostly using said giant snowball to lean against so she doesn't land on her face in the snow.]

Yeah, I don't think this guy is gonna melt any time soon.

[Based on the weather, that is.

It doesn't take them long, and once they have the bottom part built and steady on the ground, he helps her carry the other two pieces to their spots, fill in the gaps, and outfit him with some stick arms and rock eyes and a mouth.

They don't have a corncob pipe, so he sticks a cigarette in there, too.

He steps back to survey their work.]

I think we're definitely gonna need that carrot next time.

[ By the time they're finished, Kate stands back with Richie, one arm wrapped around her chest to keep in the warmth as the other conceals the smirk that's playing across her lips. ]

You do realize it's you as a snowman, right?

It's not tall enough.

[He looks over at her with a smirk.]

Besides, you didn't want it to wear your clothes, remember?

[ Offering up a sidelong glance in Richie's direction, an idea pops into her head, one that's probably not the best in terms of flying under the radar but around here? She's already realized that Richie isn't exactly unusual.

Moving off to find a fallen twig, Kate returns to the snowman and adds what's supposed to be two fangs, either side of the cigarette.

Looking rather pleased with herself as she turns to check Richie's reaction. ]

Practically twins. [Clearly teasing him.]

[His eyebrows lift at her.]

Haha, very funny. [She'd be able to tell that he does, in fact, find it humorous.] We might even be identical if I stay out here too much longer.

[He crouches back down where he stands, his gloved hands forming another small ball of snow in his hands.]

Which means there's one last thing we need to do before I have to head inside to complete your first snow experience.

[ And it might well have been worth the raised eyebrows a snowman with fangs would earn, just to see that amused look on his face.

Kate however... does not look half as amused as her gaze narrows in on the snow he's compacting in his hands, the brunette already taking a couple of steps back, suspecting where this is headed.]

No... No! [Why she thinks this will make him stop, we will never know.] Richie - [At this rate she's going to land flat on her back in the snow again.] Don't you dare.

[To his credit, it's not a tightly packed snowball, and the snow itself is fluffy instead of icy, so it's not like it will hurt.

There's a mischievous glint in his eye as he regards her from that short distance away, and it's very clear that no, that's not going to make him stop.]

This is the part where you're supposed to find cover.

[And then he's standing up straight, armed with his snowball, and he starts to move backward as he launches it at her.]

[ He knows he's not going to stop just because she tells him to. Hell, she even knows this and yet still she thinks that she ca save herself by making weak protests and holding her hands out like a shield that will do absolutely nothing.

Which is of course what it does. When Richie lobs the snowball in her direction, the frozen missile breaks apart on impact, showering Kate with ice that clings to her clothing, the ends of her hair and even her cheeks. The sudden shock of cold sees her gasp, Kate standing there with her arms out as clumps of snow fall to the ground and she has to work hard to keep the smile from pulling wide as she swings a finger in his direction.]

Oh, you are so going to regret that! [Kate immediately scrambling to make a snowball of her own and what she lacks in finesse, she'll happily make up for by relentlessly trying to hammer him with clumps of snow.]

I'm counting on it!

[This is the exact reaction he was hoping for as his grin spreads wider, blocking her first toss with the back of his forearm. It doesn't keep the snow out of his face entirely, but most of it falls to the ground, but he quickly has to bring his other arm up to block the second.

He takes another couple of steps back as this is happening, and as she has to scoop up more snow, he does that same, making sure to compact them enough that they'll travel where he actually wants them, before he launches two more in her direction.

Then he's sidestepping, trying to partially flank her, keeping her on her toes.]

[ A squeal that manages to be both shrill with panic and warm with laughter, splits the wintery day as both snowballs hit their mark; one just skimming her thigh as the other splatters across her shoulder, sending snow across her face and head.

Though it would be wise to 'reload' as he does, Kate knows full well that hitting Richie would be hard enough for her if he were standing still and blindfolded. If she wants to be able to walk away from this war with her head held high, she was going to have to play a little dirty.

Releasing one snowball, she watches as it hits the ground before it can even come close to connecting with him and then rather than release the second, Kate bends down as if to gather more snow, waiting for Richie to do the same.

It's then that she seizes the opportunity to lunge towards him, almost overbalancing but not before she sends a(n accidentally) perfectly aimed snowball directly at his head.]

[And here he thought he was going to have to egg her on a bit more before she tried something like that. Instead, he's pleasantly surprised when he starts to lift his newly made ammo only to find her closing the distance between them just before her snowball pelts him right between the eyes.

Thank goodness for glasses, he barely has to close them beyond the instinctual flinch, so his reaction afterward is on point. There's still momentum behind her movements, so when she's within arms reach, he drops his snowballs so he can step forward to meet her, his arms wrapping around her so that he can take her down to the ground with him.

As his back hits the soft snow, he rolls over with her, so that when the flurries settle around them, he's poised above her, hands buried on either side of her head, his breath coming quickly just above her face. Water droplets decorate his face and the lenses of his glasses, and if he weren't a Culebra, his cheeks would probably be red from the cold.

Most noticeable, however, is the grin on his face, which might be the most innocently happy expression he's ever made in her presence...or anyone else's (other than his brother) for that matter.

She seems to bring this sort of thing out of him a lot.]

[ Despite the fact that he had her down on the ground and completely at his mercy, there's an almost triumphant gleam in Kate's eyes as she looks up into Richie's snow-pelted face, the moisture that clings to his horn-rimmed glasses, her happy reminder that at least once, she managed to get him good.

Their breath mingles with her own heavy breathing, a smile that's equal to his, brightening Kate's face but it's Richie's that has her completely captivated, her eyes darting from side to side as she drinks him in. Happiness was not a look she'd ever really seen on him before, not even when he was having a good moment with Seth. There'd always been something else, something more going on beneath the surface; like he was trying to shine but was constantly in shadow.

Kate's heart continues to pound in her chest but her breathing slows in contrast, her gaze dropping from his intensely blue eyes to trace the curve of his mouth. That night all those months ago, back at the Twister? She hadn't really known why she'd kissed him. She'd thought at first that she was just trying to convince him to let them leave but then their lips met and she'd known then it was something more than that. It was almost impossible to have him this close and looking this carefree and happy, and not think about that kiss.]

You have snow... [ A hand reaching up so she could brush the melting snow from his skin, the act in itself, doing little more than allowing her an excuse to touch him.

And then she kisses him. She doesn't think about why or what it means. Doesn't think about anything other than the fact that laying here in the snow and feeling this much warmth and happiness around them, she wanted more than anything in that moment, to lift her head from the snow and press her lips against his.]

[It's so similar to that moment, back at the Twister, and yet so different in the same breath.

His brain registers the differences first. The alignment of their bodies, their alignment in relation to the ground, the press of gravity against his back, the temperature of the air around them, the freezing moisture on his cheeks which is warmed by the press of her hand, the darkness of her hair fanned around her head against the stark white of the snow.

But the way she smells is the same, bright and comfortable. Her lips are soft against his, just like he remembers them. Her eyelashes are soft as they brush against his eyelids, which close softly as she lifts her head to meet him.

He pulls away the way he did the first time too, his head pulling back slightly so that he can carefully examine the micro expressions in her face, the flutter of her eyelids, the color of her skin, as if he's trying to actually read her mind and try to figure out what she's thinking. Back then, he hadn't been sure if she was just trying to manipulate him into letting her go when all he wanted was for her to stay.

Now they're both stuck here, and while he doesn't for a moment think that this is a trick, he almost has to take in every detail of her appearance to roll over how he feels about it instead. After letting Santanico in, after trying to make her happy, after being emotionally used to her benefit, he's not sure he can handle that again.]

Kate?

[He breathes her name in a cloud of white as these thoughts rush through his head. He hasn't even logically decided what to do before his emotional, impulsive side decides for him.

He lowers to an elbow, his body pressing against hers from above as his other hand slips into her hair at the back of her head, his mouth pressing against hers with more urgency than she might remember the first time this happened. Another difference, bordering on needy instead of gentle, as if he knows all too well how easy it is for everything to change in an instant.]

[ It’s only now that she realizes what the difference was between the Richie of the dreams that Wonderland had spun and the one she was with here and now. In her dreams she had felt a warmth, had felt the emotion coming from him but when he’d touched her, kissed her, there hadn’t been the jolt of electricity that she felt when she’d kissed Richie back at The Twister. The very same jolt that she felt here and now, the second their lips met.

Uncertainty shows on her features as vulnerability, Kate’s eyes going round as he breaks the connection and if it weren’t for the fact that he had her boxed in, the very thoughts that were racing through her head might have pushed her towards flight.

The question in his voice as he says her name makes her heart beat faster in her chest, Kate’s stomach turning in on itself as she pulls in a shuddering breath.

This wasn’t supposed to be her life: Here in a place she barely understood with Richie by her side. She was supposed to be in Texas, trying to find a way to help her brother: Trying to find the strength to kill her brother if that’s what it came to. Richie had chosen his own path that night in the Twister and she’d stumbled into her own somewhere along the way and yet here, now? She could almost believe that the whole reason they were here in Wonderland was because somebody wanted them to see what the path not taken could have been.

Kate’s lips part, the words she tries to muster up getting stuck in her throat, Kate giving an infinitesimal shake of her head as she grasps for an answer to the question he’s yet to properly ask.

Before she can allow herself to ruin the moment with embarrassment or apologies, Kate feels the weight of his body as he lowers himself on top of her, his mouth silencing whatever words might have come as he draws her into him. It’s not the same, gentle, tentative kiss that had left her uncertain of what was happening between them. This left no room for confusion, full of an intent and need that she has scarcely felt before.

A tentative hand rests lightly on his cheek as Kate’s body begins to tremble, a barely noticeable quiver of want and nervous energy as a low hum sounds against his lips. Her heart and mind feels like they're careening in opposite directions, the distance between their destination so great that she’s not sure how to connect the two again so Kate instead allows herself to feel everything in the moment as her head tilts and her lips part, quietly desperate to indulge in this for just a little longer.]

Edited (word. I can has them) 2017-01-16 02:03 (UTC)

[Richard has always had a hard time figuring out what it is that people wanted from him. Everyone had a different opinion about who or what he should be, and very rarely did he get to be the one to make decisions. As much as he bitched about it, sometimes it was better for him to follow rather than lead. Sometimes, he didn't mind when someone else took charge.

What he hated is when his input was disregarded, when he was shut down before he barely had even begun to speak, or when he was disrespected for voicing his opinion.

Kate had never done any of those things to him. Everything she called him out for was a direct result of things he had actually done. Even after hearing that he'd murdered his own father, she'd expressed nothing but concern for him, as if he was the victim.

It was rare for him to connect with anyone beyond the most superficial of relationships. Santanico had told him how different everything was going to be, and in he had believed her.

It wasn't. It took him far too long to realize that, and by then it was far too late to go back. The best he could do was set himself up with something he could live with, and try to do the same for everyone else.

And he'd messed that up too.

Now here she was, beneath him and pressed against him, humming against his mouth in a way that clearly demonstrated to him what she wanted of him. Or, at the very least, that she didn't not want this. Richie was never the one to instigate this kind of thing, every romantic or sexual encounter started by the other person with him.

And yet the way his tongue rolls across hers as her lips part tells her all she needs to know about whether or not he feels something for her.

His fingertips press gently into her scalp as they tangle through her hair, his head tilting slightly to taste her more fully, his touch and the insistence of his lips needy and yet still remarkably tender, almost in complete opposition to the violence he is so personally familiar with, a testament to his lingering uncertainty and lack of confidence in this area. He'd felt a connection with her from the instant he saw her floating in that pool, and it felt as if he'd tugged on that connection back at the Twister, and only had the opportunity to truly explore it now, in this place between worlds, alone with her after he'd been forced to watch her die.

His lips break from hers briefly to take his own shuddering breath before they're crashing back against hers, his hand coming up to lay against the back of her hand against his cheek, to interlace his fingers between hers and hold it there, strong and steady.]

Edited 2017-01-16 05:34 (UTC)

[It wasn’t as if she’s never been kissed before but this was nothing like it had been with Kyle. That had been sweet, gentle, hungry in a sloppy kind of way that you only experienced with boys who barely knew their own bodies, but with Richie? He had this self-assured steadiness that came from knowing exactly what he wanted and yet a tenderness born from his own feelings of inadequacy, reserved for those who rarely get what they want.

Kate had her own sense of inadequacy to deal with, inexperience seeing her allow Richie to lead every moment of the kiss, responding rather than acting as his tongue teases, tries to draw out more, his needy hands protecting her from the freezing cold of the snow. It doesn’t keep her from trembling beneath him, though, every breath and touch causing a friction between their bodies that makes her skin grow hot and another whimper of a moan spills over as he pulls away, Kate’s rapid pulse, pounding in her ears as she sucks in her lower lip.

That brief break in connection is like walking straight into a sheet of ice, her eyes fluttering open as she has just a moment to stop and breathe. With the shuddering intake of air comes the first flicker of doubt, the creeping realization that every reason that had existed for this to never happen, had by no means disappeared just because they were here.

His fingers lace through hers, holding her there with him as if already feeling what was to come, Richie seemingly trying to wash away the apprehension as his mouth captures hers once more. She can feel the pull, both to him and away from him, her heart pounding hard against her ribs and it’s all happening so fast that she struggles to keep up, both heart and mind in dizzying state of disarray.]

Richie... [ She turns her head, the kiss once more broken and the door that allows the doubt to come through gets wedged open with the loss of contact. Kate’s hot breath fans out against his cheek, the hand that holds his, squeezing, as if she’s just as desperate to hold onto this as he had been when he’d taken it.]

I ca- [Can’t do this. Can’t allow herself to get caught up in a moment that wouldn’t mean the same thing after the haze of need had cleared. As far as she knew, he was still with Santanico and she didn’t want this if it was only because she was here and Santanico was not. ]

We - You. [Her eyes close again, the words she needs to say seeing her physically recoil, as if she can burrow back into the snow beneath her with the hot shame that now washes over her.] You have a girlfriend.

[He can feel her heart beating in her chest even through the layers of fabric and coats between them, which is a testament to his effect on her and only encourages him. That sound she makes doesn't do anything to dissuade him either, it only makes him all the more eager, as if it were a confirmation of what he believes is happening, that she wants him in the same way that he wants her, wants the closeness that he craves but barely knows or understands.

So when she turns her head, he doesn't quite realize that she wants to stop for a moment, to clear her head and actually say something. He listens to her voice ringing in his ears, feels her breath against his cheek, the squeeze of her fingers in his, and he responds by grazing his lips against her jaw.

His name takes on a whole different meaning in this cadence, and as the actual meaning of her words shoves its way through his brain hazed with emotion, he draws back just enough to actually look her in the eyes, though his hand remains against hers. His brows are knit slightly in confused, though it might be hard to tell from this close.]

She's gone, Kate. She got what she really wanted and it didn't have anything to do with me.

[ Her lips tingle from the ghostly pressure of his lips on hers, Kate staring pointedly at a drop of moisture on his skin so she won't be forced to look into his eyes. She's not sure she wants to see the look of guilt that would come from being reminded of who he has waiting for him at home. She already knew he would never choose her over Santanico; She'd seen it that night at The Twister, the way she walked into the room and for Richie? Everyone else just ceased to exist. She knew, but that didn't mean she wanted to see it in his eyes.

But then he spoke and she could no longer avoid his gaze, lines creasing the corners of her eyes and forehead as she searches for the lie in those words. There had been very little mention of Santanico since they'd arrived here but the same could be said of Seth. She had in many ways thought he didn't want to talk about them with her and Kate, if she were being honest? Hadn't asked a lot of questions because she didn't want to hear about Santanico either. Something like this, however?

Her own expression guarded, Kate's eyes dart back and forth as she tries to read the intent on his features, needing to know if this was about a need for comfort, to not be alone or if it had something to do with her. She'd kissed him first, just like she had that night in The Twister and while she knew she couldn't pretend like he hadn't seemed to enjoy it? Wasn't that... just how some guys were with girls? ]

You never said... [ An edge of caution there, Kate not entirely trusting herself in this moment. It would be too easy for her to just accept this as fact and fall back into whatever this was but now that she wasn't being ruled by emotion and physicality, she knew she had to let her head take the wheel for a while.] When?

[Santantico wasn't a topic he often wanted to talk about anymore. It brought up too many conflicting emotions, things he couldn't control, and while he didn't exactly long for her or anything, there was a bitterness there that ran deep and he still hadn't managed to figure out how to deal with that.

He'd told her not to be a stranger, but he also knew full well she wasn't coming back.

And even then, what happened after the Twister only scratched the surface. Once the haze of being with her wore off, there was still the fact that she had manipulated him into killing that woman, essentially got him killed, made him drive away Seth and Kate. There were things he had done that he'd wanted to not be for nothing.

In the end, maybe it had been, and maybe it hadn't. It had happened, and that was what mattered.]

When did she leave? Or when did she stop pretending?

[Two very different questions with different answers. He can't keep the creeping bitterness out of his voice, and as they venture into this realm of conversation, he lifts himself back onto his hands to give her space.]

Edited 2017-01-16 15:16 (UTC)

[ For Richie to push himself up means releasing her hand and that sudden loss of any form of connection between them sees Kate shrinking down inside the winter coat that she's wearing, feeling exposed in a way that has little to do with her body in that moment. There's been a shift in the air between them, the subject of Santanico acting like a bucket of ice being thrown in the faces of both of them and it seems that no matter how far away she is, she was still capable of coming between them.

Unsure what to do with her hands right now, Kate wraps one arm around her chest, creating a physical barrier that might somehow offer her protection from this conversation. She can feel the cold sinking into her, no more heat generated by them to warm her insides and her hair has grown damp from laying back on the snow, her jeans slowly soaking through.]

I don't know... [Her gaze dropping away from his as she struggles to keep a mask in place, not wanting Richie to know how nervous she is about this conversation. Was there even a right or wrong answer in all of this? Would anything he said to her change whatever had been happening minutes ago? It would help if she knew the answer to that question, but she honestly didn't know.]

Both, I guess? [She wasn't even sure if she had a right to ask these questions; if this was really any of her business. It was the kind of thing that maybe she would have learned in time, that he might have eventually let her in on but his whole life between the Twister and ending up here was little more than a mystery to her. She'd had visions of him and Santanico reinventing themselves together. He'd killed off the Richie she'd briefly known when he'd sent that car over the cliff and this one? Was still in many ways a complete stranger to her.]

I mean, do you still, love her?

[Okay, so they're really doing this. Right now. It was only a matter of time, he supposes, especially considering what just came to pass. He probably should have said something sooner, but it was hard to bring her up in any context that wouldn't completely ruin whatever peace they had.

Santanico complicated everything.

He rolls off of her onto one knee, reaching out a hand to help her up from the snow.]

You're getting soaked. [It's said matter-of-factly, and although there's a shade of vulnerability in his eyes, for the most part he's back to being collected.

Or he would be, if it weren't from the fact that his glasses were still wet and now slightly askew, his hood fallen back and his hair damp and frazzled.] Come on.

[Once she's up and they've started walking, hopefully back towards the mansion where it's warmer now that the sun is dipping even further down behind the trees.]

To answer your question, no, I don't. I'm not sure I ever did, considering she didn't end up being what I thought she was.

[ Didn't they have to do this, though? If anything like that was ever going to happen again, didn't they both need some kind of idea as to where they stood? Kate, for her part, at least needed to know that this wasn't some kind of rebound for him, that if Santanico were to show up tomorrow, she wouldn't continue to be the sun that he orbits. Or maybe she was getting too ahead of herself. It was a kiss, that didn't suddenly spell commitment. She might still be a teenager but he, was not.

As he moves to get up, it feels like every bit of warmth she'd found from being out here with him was shriveling up, Kate looking at Richie's extended hand before reaching to take it. There was a part of her that desperately wanted to stop him, rising up onto her feet and as close as they became in doing so? A part of her wanted to lean into him, to ask if they could just drop the subject.

It was the part that didn't win, however, Kate brushing the snow from her hair, her jeans and wrapping her arms around her chest as they started to walk towards the Mansion.

As much as she's trying to shield her emotions from him, there's a vulnerability to her as she steals a look in his direction, Kate trying to figure out if he really means what he's saying, or if he's desperately trying to convince himself that it's true.]

Okay... [Bobbing her head and pressing her lips together as she hugs herself a little tighter. She should probably let that be enough, he'd answered her questions even though it had clearly made him uncomfortable. He hadn't gotten angry with her despite the fact that she'd helped to ruin what had been until panic set in, an otherwise perfect moment. But Kate it seemed, just didn't know that sometimes, less information was better than more.]

What did you think she was?

[He thought that just by doing something like this, it made it relatively clear that he wasn't tied up in any way, shape or form. He was of a singular mind most of the time, focusing on one thing or another, and spread too thin he started to fall apart. He couldn't feel intense emotions about one person while still feeling them for someone else.

And he didn't trust most people enough to even think about letting them get this close.

Maybe trusting Santanico had been a mistake, considering how they'd come to meet. But a part of him wants to believe that his initial attraction had been because of her effect on his mind, of their existential connection, of the things she'd opened up inside him. Despite everything, she'd given him power, something he usually sorely lacked, in exchange for his body and his soul.

There was also the bit where he would have died without it.]

I don't know.

[To his credit, he's really not sure. He'd wanted her, and then he thought he loved her, or maybe that's just what he thought he was supposed to do. He'd wanted it to mean something, he'd wanted things to be different, and he'd realized that different didn't necessarily mean better.]

But to get what she wanted, she needed me. She couldn't get her revenge without my mind. [Richie taps his temple as he watches her, and the meaning behind the words is obvious. He'd always been the brains behind every operation.] I guess I wanted it to be more than that. I thought it was supposed to be more than that.

[He'd needed it to be more than that, but in the end, it simply wasn't.]

[From what little Seth had told her about what happened after they’d separated, it had certainly sounded like it was more than that. Seth hated Santanico and he wasn’t quiet about it because according to him? Richie hadn’t left, Santanico had taken him. Kate supposed that in a way now, she had. At least if she’d truly loved Richie then Kate could understand separating the brothers but hearing that she was just using him? Having seen firsthand how it had destroyed Seth? It was hard for even Kate to feel compassion for somebody who had such a reckless disregard for the feelings of others.]

I’m sorry... [ Not entirely sure which part she was most sorry for; How things had turned out or the fact that she was making him relive it.

None of this had really brought her closer to understanding where she fit into all of this, though. She really had thought that his having a girlfriend was the only thing holding her back, but hearing now that she was wrong didn’t magically solidify the ground beneath her feet.

Kate was different to Santanico in almost every conceivable way, so what was it that he actually saw in her? Was it because she wasn’t like her? Was he hoping not to be reminded of the woman who had used him and left him behind? Or was it just comfort he was looking for, the desire to feel a connection in a place that was foreign in every other way. She was familiar and she was safe. And if they left here she suspected she might never see him again. ]

I didn’t mean to - [Bring it up? But she did. She’d needed to deal with the subject, she just didn’t mean for it to stir up painful feelings.] I just, didn’t know any of this.... I guess, there’s a lot that neither of us really know.

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