She thought he wasn't interested--until he said he would have to sex-ray her entire body!

[itsahotone]

Who: Santana, and anyone else your little heart desires.
Where: Everywherrrrre, muhahaha!
When: ...Thursday, I guess. It can go on as long as you want, baby.
Rating: R/nc17 for language. Don't blame ME, blame the magazine.
Summary: Santana's bored, so she's leaving Cosmo magazines around for everyone to find. Check out the sex tips!
The Story:

Look, a girl needs to find her own entertainment around here.

Don't ask how she got the idea, but since it was a brilliant and amazing one, she's just gonna go with it.

Post-event is always boring, so she's just gonna liven it up! That's all. It's helpful.

So she spends some time getting a bunch of issues of Cosmopolitan from the closet, then she spends way more time than needed going through them. She highlights and circles and even draws some arrows to the best parts, things that say stuff like:

Try this kinky trick: Color your nipples with a crazy-colored lipstick, like sparkly purple. Bonus points if it's yummy. He'll love the shocking, sexy change in scenery!

"I dated this guy who tasted really funky down there, but I didn't want to confront him about it. So I told him I was going to suck on a strong mint while going downtown to give him a tingly sensation... which he loved."

Wrap a belt around each of his thighs. This will push more blood into his penis, making his erection feel even harder.

Give yourself goose bumps by sweeping a new, clean toothbrush over the curves of your neck and collarbone.

This featherlight touch will have you both tingling: While still kneeling between his legs, dab flavored lube on your nipples. Then cup one of your breasts in your hand, and slide the top of your nipple from the bottom of his testicles to the tip of his shaft, circling the head and then sliding it back down.

Look at him as you run your chin from his chest to his crotch.

Put lube on your nipples, then trace circles on his bare back.

Flutter your eyelashes against his boys for a sweet little tease.

Have him squeeze lube onto his penis, then swirl your body over his shaft to spread it.

Keep a glass of ice water on the bedstand, and once you've both climaxed, take a drink, holding and swirling the cool liquid in your mouth before swallowing. Then immediately envelop his balls with your lips, one at a time.

...And etc etc.

Once that's all done, she goes around the mansion, all floors, indoors and out, and places the magazines in random areas. Some are open, some aren't. It's like an easter egg hunt, only hopefully with a lot more confusion and chaos!


[if you wish to actually speak to Santana, just make it clear in your tags, otherwise she's not around once your darlings find this magical and 100% correct advice.]

Comments

santana pls come confuse pinkie further

[insidethechimney]

Whilst bouncing around the mansion (yes, that is what she does in her free time) Pinkie came across a scrap of paper. Hoping it was a treasure hunt clue, she picked it up and read:

"I dated this guy who tasted really funky down there, but I didn't want to confront him about it. So I told him I was going to suck on a strong mint while going downtown to give him a tingly sensation... which he loved."

Now, that was a pretty hard puzzle to solve, but Pinkie figured it out. Clearly, there was a secret passage which could only be passed underneath a smelly guy's room by using the secret password of mint. But whose room might this be? She hadn't met anyone smelly here.

aye aye! :D

[itsahotone]

Maybe that is because horses are already smell. Every think of that, Pinkie??

...Anyway. Santana's just walking around, pleased with herself, when she sees Pinkie Pie with one of the papers.

Snicker.

She doesn't actually say anything because that would welcome more conversation with the pink pony, but still. Snicker.

YAAAAAY

[insidethechimney]

But Pinkie does want to talk to Santana. So over she trots.

"Hey, Santana! I've got this treasure map clue. Maybe we could find it together?"

Oh, innocent little Pinkie.

[itsahotone]

"Treasure map?" she repeats with feeling. What on earth would make anyone think that crap was a treasure map?

[hamburellakind]

John can take a hint sometimes. Like, you know. Right now. When a bunch of really specific sex advice is circled in the magazines scattered around the mansion. And Dave was talking about getting comfortable with the sex and stuff...

Uhhh, hm. He better take some of these, huh? Especially since most of them are circled in red pen...

John's gathered a stack of about six of them when he starts heading back to his room.

[itsahotone]

Santana spots John ~taking the bait~ and almost feels a little guilty. The poor kid seems to just attract sexual humiliation.

Oh well. She doesn't feel all that bad, which is why she will now cheerfully appear RIGHT BEHIND HIM.

"Hey, Johnny. Watcha got there?"

[hamburellakind]

John starts. And then stumbles into a wall. Whoops, he's still a little drunk.

Bracing himself with one hand, he holds the magazines to his chest. He has enough sense left to be embarrassed at being found with them, at least. "Just. Magazines."

[itsahotone]

Santana snickers. And then snickers again.

"Anything good?"

Pure innocence.

[masukukunai]

"Augh, Christ!"

Yousuke is trying, oh boy is he trying, to get to the kitchen without having to look at any of these horrible sex advice columns, but that's becoming more and more impossible as he gets closer to the higher-traffic areas in the mansion. Stumbling around with his hands over his eyes is only causing him to run into things.

Who in the world would do something like this? He just wanted a sandwich! He doesn't want to think about anyone's icy mouth on his balls!!!

[ANYONE PLEASE TAG!]

oh dear i am sorry i just had to

[brainkegger]

Buck's not exactly thrilled about all the Cosmo's all over the place, but the rare picture of a booby getting checked out for cancer kind of makes a glance worthwhile. He hasn't really gotten around to restocking his porn collection since he got to the mansion, after all. A man gets what he can get.

He has to snort a little when he sees the scarred little boy runnin' through the mansion like a chicken with its head cut off. It's about the funniest darn thing he's seen in this darn place. "Y'alright there, son?"

lol oh dear God this is choice

[masukukunai]

Yousuke jumps a bit when he hear an odd voice. There was a female pitch, but sounded male-- He turns around and uncovers his eyes to see... Well, he's not sure what he's seeing right now. He tilts his head in obvious confusion, but tries to find words to say.

"Uh, yeah. It's just," he turns his head, and bam, there's another one. He tears it off the wall and throws it behind his shoulder before he can read it, "these things are all over the place. I can't even get lunch..."

bwhaahahahaha

[brainkegger]

"They're stupid as hell, I'll giveya that." Buck nods, peering at one over the top of his glasses. The thing is just chock fulla grade-A bullshit. But some of it oughta be worth a try. If only his junk hadn't been shot off in 'Nam.

"It ain't all bad, though. Heheh, look--" Buck holds up a page with a women modeling some rather tasteful lingerie. "Tits!"

Santana and Puck should hang out

[epiccombo]

Puck's just wandering around, maybe or maybe not a bit disgruntled and annoyed because of one Finn Hudson who is a total idiot and also full of crap.

Little does he know that he's about to stumble on some things that will make his day a whole lot better.

He turns a corner and spots a conveniently placed magazine, open to a very special page. He grins and picks up the magazine.

Whoever thought this up is a total genius.

[itsahotone]

Thank you, thank you.

Santana has one magazine left when she comes across Puck. Oh no, the illusion is gone!

Eh, doesn't really matter.

"Puckerman."

[epiccombo]

"What's up, Lopez?" He flips through the magazine he's holding. "Besides putting these things everywhere."

[itsahotone]

"Aww, you know my work. I'm touched."

Did you miss me, bb? Clearly Santana needs to come play.

[forevercapslock]

...Karkat has no idea what he's seeing.

This is mentioning parts of human anatomy he has never even heard of and he is completely confused. Especially considering that he's pretty sure this should be grossing him out.

OH HOW SHE MISSED YOU

[itsahotone]

Aww, it's a confused troll. And not only that, but it's her favorite confused troll! It's only logical that Santana appear out of nowhere, then.

"Questions? Comments?"

[forevercapslock]

skldfjgh he feels somehow like he's been caught at something embarrassing, even though he has no idea what that thing is or why it's embarrassing.

"Fuck! What are you, a lurk-beast? Shit."

[itsahotone]

"What, not happy to see me? You just looked so lost and confused; I thought I'd help you out."

She almost wants to pat him on his little horned head.

[cautious_knight]

[So Lithuania almost steps on one of the magazines, loses his balance and falls down the stairs, but he catches himself last minute.

And then picks it up to remove it from a dangerous spot like that

and catches some of the words

and then looks around frantically because this is seriously nothing that should lie around like this. Children might see it!]

[reckless_eagle]

[And, at the least convenient possible time!]

[Poland turns the corner of the landing, on his way back inside from checking on the vegetable patch, and gives Liet a curious look.]

Whoa, what's up with you? You totally look like you just saw a ghost or Prussia naked or something grody like that.

[cautious_knight]

[Prussia naked-]

Something like that, I guess. [Kind of crumpling the magazine in his hands in the hopes of keeping it away from everyone.]

[reckless_eagle]

Hey, hey, wait a sec, what are you looking at? She's got, like, way cute shoes...

[reckless_eagle]

[And... not much else, now that he gets a good look.]